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after a break up

monmon's picture

Submitted by monmon on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 12:51pm

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Hi Everyone,
I'm new to this site and don't know where to get good info so this is where I'm turning.
My GF and I broke up after a year of me trying to be a family with her and her 2 y.o. There's just no information on how to do whats best for the child after a break up. My GF's daughter doesn't have a father (she was born using a donor) and she considers me a parent of some sort and calls me daddy. I don't do anything I consider parental but I did help out a lot and she definitely attached to me while we were living together for that year. I'm just very concerned for her emotional health and don't want her growing up thinking I adandoned her or anything. I don't know if I should insist on a clean break up where we don't have contact or if I have a responsibility to my ex's daughter. Does anyone out there have any insight or advice for me?
Thanks!

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 1:11pm

^^^EXACTLY^^^

It is very noble of you to want to be there for this child BUT she is not your responsibility or burden to bare. But as mentioned above, think about the potential and likely mess this will cause for you and any future relationship you hope to forge with someone else if she (your new gf/wife) has to deal with baby momma and kid drama.

It is one thing to have to deal with a man's bio-kids, the new woman has to suck it up or move on but to have to deal with a woman and a kid that ISNT your man's kid??? I would run for the f'n hills if I ever had to deal with a kid that wasnt my man's kid and he still let the mother and kid run his life and take time away from us and our relationship!

FUCK THAT!!!

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 1:40pm

Agree with all of the posters above. Just move on. She is too young to know any different and when her mom starts a new relationship with another man, that person will become her new "daddy"...sad, but true.

Ashleystepmom's picture

Submitted by Ashleystepmom on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 4:37pm

It is very sweet that you care. But I do agree with all the other ladies that you need to move on. Staying out of pity can only add more confusion and possibly cause anger to the kid. It is not healthy in the long run.
What you can do is to empower your ex girlfriend with knowledge. Send her some books regarding how to raise resilient kid, or booking some counseling sessions for her. That is all you can do at this point.

Resilient kids usually become resilient adults, able to roll with the punches of being human in an imperfect and unfair world. The quality of resilience -- long studied yet not well understood -- is nonetheless recognized as critical not only to the individual's adaptation to life's challenges, but to society's collective survival. It is those individuals who can persevere through their own adversity, be strengthened by it, and actually catalyze others to do the same. In the best of cases, these children grow up to become those agents of change who give back to the world more than they take, making it a better place for all of us.

Pilgrim Soul's picture

Submitted by Pilgrim Soul on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 4:59pm

I like Ashley's ideas! A lot!!! I also like it that the OP is thinking about the child.
So sad that there is really no easy way for him to stick around... if the girl was older, may be he could be some kind of mentor... an uncle figure.

forever2's picture

Submitted by forever2 on Wed, 10/03/2012 - 7:28pm

Agree, move on for everone's sake....but really if you read around on this site a bit, you will see that this isn't the right site for you. Probably better advice elsewhere.

monmon's picture

Submitted by monmon on Thu, 10/04/2012 - 1:07pm

Thanks everyone. lots to think about but I hear the underlying message and I appreciate you all taking the time to respond.