I love when people say that SS6 is mine and DH's child now. Well, I love it like I love stepping on LEGO's in the dark when I really need to go to the bathroom.

I am having a situation with my new inlaws, my MIL smokes, she is a heavy chain smoker who goes through 1.5 - 2 packs a day. She smokes indoors, she smokes in the car with the windows roled up, you name it. My BS has asthma, and on of his major triggers is, you guessed it, smoke of any kind. So, though my MIL means well when she asks to spend time with my son, I am unfortunately unable to allow it, because she flat out refuses to not smoke around my son. DH has discussed this with her, has told her that it isn't personal, it is just that BS8 absolutely cannot be around it. I also have zero tolerance for cigarette smoke, it makes me sick, could kill my son, and is all around bad for everyone.

My MIL has decided to take it personally though and is telling people that I don't like her and I don't trust her, and that is why BS8 cannot go to her house.

I was venting about this situation on a dealing with inlaws forum. (my mistake, I know, I put it on the internet, so I need to put my big-girl panties on and face the replies, LOL)

Now, DH allows SS6 to go with grandma and be exposed to the smoke. I don't like it, but other than telling him I think it is unhealthy and he should arrange to have grandma spend time with SS6 away from the smoke, what can I do? His kid, his choice, right? Well, apparently, since DH and I are married, SS6 is "our" child now and I should be ashamed of myself for not protecting SS6 and I need to start keeping SS6 from his grandma reguardless of how his father feels about it.

Now, am I wrong in saying that it isn't my place to do this? DH supports my not sending my son, which I am grateful for, and I have told him that if we were ever to have an "ours" baby (unlikely at this point) I would be as adamant that our baby not be exposed to the smoke, but I don't feel it is my place to step between him and his family and SS6. If it was something illegal I would make a stand, but it isn't. Not only that, but SS6 is very close to grandma, has already lost quite a lot in his short life, and I am not sure that keeping him away from her would be good for his mental health.

I am so aggitated. There is always someone that knows exactly how a stepmom is supposed to do things, and it never fails that whatever a stepmom is doing it is wrong or not enough.