After finding this site last week I have really felt empowered. I have been pretending to like my SS15 for almost 10 years. It hasn't all been bad, but I think that's only because I just learned not to care at times.
I was raised in a pretty strict household full of spanking, grounding, and basic consequences for acting up. My DH on the other hand, was passed around and had no structure at all. He wants to be his son's friend when he is here (twice a week and on weekends) and I totally am against that.
Well, after I read a forum yesterday about whether or not it's okay to not like our skids, I got to thinking. I would never in a million years put up with the way my SS talks or acts. He has no respect for anyone including DH and that just doesn't fly right with me anymore. DH may put up with it out of fear of him not wanting to visit anymore, but I don't care and I don't need to shut up and take it anymore. Every once in awhile my husband accuses of me of not liking SS...he even brought it up in front of our therapist. What did I do??? I lied-told him that I do like him. Then came last nights' boiling point for me...
SS and BS7 are supposed to do dishes. SS tells DH he doesn't want to do them anymore. DH says, well then you won't get an allowance anymore (DH gives him $5 a wk to do dishes twice) and he said he didn't care. No way in Hell!!!! In my opinion if you're given a job to do, you do it. I wouldn't let my BS tell me he didn't want to do something anymore! So I told DH that if he didn't want to do what he was told and wash the dishes, then he didn't have to eat. Then it came up again."You just don't like him do you?" Now, at that point I normally lie and say that I do. Not last night! I told him that I don't have to like someone that has no respect for anyone, someone who swears in front of my BS! I told him that from now on the only way I would stay is if when SS came over, me and BS7 and BS2 would leave. SS isn't supposed to come now til Sun so we'll see what happens. Also, when DH took SS home, I pulled the Playstation out of his room and hid it.

Then to top it off, DH sold his truck yesterday. Last night we're sitting in the living room and out of nowhere, he says "wow, I'm really sad now" I go why??? "Because my truck is gone"! Not because he's afraid of losing me! Not because I'm no longer happy! WOW...

So now I finally got my big-girl panties on..I've spent almost 10 years being quiet and unhappy. Now I finally feel like i'm worth something. It's a strange feeling, but I can't let go of it. I am not letting my DH control my feelings anymore.