So, this is in 2 parts-part vent, part question.
Saturday, DH goes in to work at 5a to leave by 9a to get to SS8 Soccer game by 12:45. He asked if I wanted to go and No, I did not. DH didn't like this-wanted me to go but I'd just been in truck for 8hrs to see SS8 at his game last Saturday. He was supposed to spend the day with us at my Family reunion; we'd planned this for a month. But at end of game, Wildebeest (aka BM) told us she was sending him to her brothers for weekend. Fine by me-but DH was pissed. But at least DH saw the light-that she didn't send him with us as we'd drop him off at 5p giving her just a few hours without him vs a whole weekend. But no worries, she was gracious enough to volunteer our time for last weekend of the month b/c SS8 has a 3 day weekend so she on-the-spot arranged for us to meet her to pick him up that Friday until Monday afternoon. Again fine by me as I won't be home.

Anyway, that was last weekend. Back to this past Saturday: DH gets halfway there and Wildebeest text him to ask where he is. He told her halfway and she says "oh guess you won't make the game then." He had plenty of time..until she revealed that the game had been moved from 12:45 to 10:45 and she forgot to send him the updated schedule! GAAAH! He was really pissed & about to turn around but she tells him "well explain to SS8 why you can't make it" and gives the kid the phone. He gets on and DH explains & kid asked him to come anyway. So he went on, took kid to lunch & movie and made it back home at 11p. This is how she always is-always difficult to work with. When we had to move in April, I hoped she'd be more organized and considerate but so far I've been proven wrong again. Doesn't matter that we now have to drive 2 hours to meet her or the full 4hrs (one way) to be involved in anything SS8 is doing. I didn't fuss too much b/c DH has been doing so much better in putting her in check. Frustrating though...

As mentioned earlier, we are to get him on the 26th-29th. The week of 22-26th I'll be in our hometown (where SS8 lives) for work conference. DH tells me I can just pick SS8 up Friday evening and bring him home with me. I reminded him that I'm not coming home Friday b/c on Saturday, I am taking my daughter, niece & nephew to mountains. Home is 2hrs from NC Blue Ridge Pkwy & every year throughout my daughter's childhood, we'd take a day trip up there to leaf peep, waterfall hike, etc. She is very close to 2 of her cousins so it was always the 3 amigos and I. But as they grew into late teen years they all found cooler things to do so we didn't do it as much. Lo and behold I've managed to wrangle them all in at same time to agree to keep that day clear so we could do it. They are 22, 21 and 20 so this was a major feat to get weekend time all at same time with them. lol DH knew this.

So he said he'll drive up on Saturday with SS8 to go with us. I said No. First, that's a lot of driving for DH to meet BM on Friday (2 hr to meet, 2 hr home) b/c she won't wait until Saturday morning to dump the kid. Then drive 4hr Saturday to meet us, plus 2 hours to mountain, then drive all way home b/c he has to work Sunday at 6a. Then a day later back 2hrs to take SS8 to meet BM. No way. But more than the driving, I didn't want SS8 tagging along in my coveted time with my own kid and family. He's ALWAYS with my family, any time we do anything!! Plus he'd be slowing us down b/c he's too lazy to keep up or hike 3-4 miles, he's scared of heights, always hungry, bathroom this & that. We'd have to be 'kid friendly' with music, with conversation, etc.

DH gets upset with me and says I never want to bond with SS8! He says if he was really the bio Father, that I'd bond with him & that I'm "purposefully withholding bonding and separating myself from him" because it's not his kid. GAH! Okay DH but it's NOT your kid! He has no parts of you in looks, behavior, interests, nothing! So yes it's harder for that reason BUT he's also smug, whiny, lazy and manipulative and oh goodness the Mother! So yes it's hard and I gave up on trying a year ago. He's just a child to me; nothing more or less. Now I just try to tolerate him, be nice to him, include him as much as I can. But if I want a break from the kid, I should not be fussed at about it. Every holiday, trip, birthday party, cookout, reunion etc this kid has been in tow! So we had this big discussion about it and it ended as it always does--DH feeling down that I don't bond with SS8 and me feeling like he doesn't understand why it's harder and that I tried and tried.

So my question is this: Do any of you have a spare copy of the "Big Book of Bonding with Brats" I can borrow? Apparently it's just something one can 'learn'. Lol