Best Custody Schedule....
So I was just wondering what others' thoughts were on the best case scenario for a six year old boy... Don't get me wrong I wish his mother had him all the time and my BF only had him every other weekend on account of the fact that the kid is a brat!!! However I do feel bad for him as well since he sort of lives like a gypsy, his BM has him Mon/Tue he's with his Dad Wed/Thu and then does every other weekend with either of the parents. It just seems very inconsistent to me and I know that kids don't do well with that usually (he is a brat and is always in trouble at school and at home just an FYI). The other problem is that at his BM he is treated like a king and a friend of BM and at his Dad's house he has rules and consequences (dramatically different enviornments). And of course the kid prefers and favors his BM house because he can be on his own program... My BF is considering going to week to week to try and see if that makes a difference. I just wanted to know your thoughts....
Personally, I don't think
Personally, I don't think 50/50 splits are in the best interest of the child. It's in the best interest of.both parents, so one isn't denied the kids more than the other. But its horrible for the kid. They don't end up with two homes, they end up with no home. They turn into visitors at both homes, never fully settling in.
I think the fairest thing for a kid is to have a primary home with the most stable, responsible parent and have eowe visits with the other parent.
That's how I feel but when I
That's how I feel but when I told my BF that he said he wouldn't settle for being a 10% Dad. I believe that he and the BM are both selfish and will not look at what is best for their child and their sole purpose is to not allow the other any minute of extra time. As I've said I can't stand the kid but I think the majority of his problems come from being shuffled back and forth. And I also told my BF that he doesn't really have a home because he's never in one place for long. Also I told him that as he gets older the child is going to put his foot down and say I don't want to do this.
Why are you with a guy who is
Why are you with a guy who is so selfish you believe he can't put the best interests of his kid over what he personally wants?
Well... I guess I would start
Well... I guess I would start by telling you that with SS10, we make it very clear that different houses = different rules. We don't even entertain his "well... at mom's house I get to..." nonsense.
That being said - I think 50/50 splits - especially with school aged children are a joke. We have SS10 EOW from Saturday morning until Sunday evening. I think DH wishes he had him more often (but I thank my lucky stars that this is the arrangement). There are times during the week that we pick him up with his bratty older sisters for a quick dinner/snack, etc. But, I think he understands when we tell him "ok - see you in 2 weeks!" and he seems fine. It's consistent and normal for him now.
We also just signed him up for an email account - for a 6 y/o it can be the phone or Skype with the help of BM, etc. It helps to fill the gaps. Sometimes, I think the parents get so caught up in making things "equal" that they forget what makes life the most normal for the kid.
Exactly! But because I don't
Exactly! But because I don't care for BF son he thinks what I'm saying is simply me trying to get rid of the kid which is not the case. If he weren't such a brat I would enjoy (maybe) his company more. And the kid wouldn't care and I think its important to establish some schedule now when he is six and not wait for this to blow up in their faces!
LOL I love the way you think
LOL I love the way you think but alas that isn't possible in this situation! But we can dream right....
I think the fairest thing for
I think the fairest thing for a kid is to have a primary home with the most stable, responsible parent and have eowe visits with the other parent.
^^^^ THIS and one evening per week (if possible) to have dinner/catch up with child.
I am a firm believer that
I am a firm believer that 50/50 is in the best interest of the child and parents. Week on week off is the best. At 6 years old he may need to spend every Wednesday evening with the other parent. At least for a few hours. Once he gets a little older you can drop the Wednesday.
Week on week off is the
Week on week off is the best.
^^^^ I will say a friends daughter just got a divorce with a 5 year old and this is the schedule "the court" gave the parents (with no mid-week visit) because the parents could not agree.
Our neighbors kids started
Our neighbors kids started with the EOW schedule as their temporary plan but dad fought in court and got the 5/2/2/5 schedule that OP's DH has. The children (ages 8,6,4) were much happier once it went to the 50/50 split. The older two told my kids that they loved being able to be with their dad so much more. I'd say most of my kids friends with divorced parents are on some version of a 50/50 or 60/40 schedule.
I thought my cousin did the absolute best custody arrangement ever. Mind you, her and her DH hated each other by the time they divorced. They sold their house and then each one bought a smaller town home at opposite ends of a development -- about 1 mile apart, no busy streets in between them. Their daughter could ride her bike between homes, the daughter (age 10 at the divorce) had a key to both homes so if she forgot something at one home, she could run there are get it. They were week on/week off. The homes were far enough apart that they never had to drive past each other's yet close enough that the daughter felt comfortable riding her bike between them. When they made the move, they had their daughter put half of her stuff at each house, they bought stuff they needed two of --bed, pillow, toothbrush, etc. and DD had a backpack for anything she felt she had to keep with her (stuffed animal, etc.).
It was an amazing example of love your child more than you hate your ex. Fifty-fifty can work.
I wish we did 50/50 too.
I wish we did 50/50 too. There does not seem to be an arrangement between DH and BM. DH has full custody and BM gets SD8 whenever she wants. Some weeks she's here 6 days out of 7, some weeks she's here a day or maybe two. It's great for BM, not so great for the rest of us. SD8 never knows where she's going to be, and neither do I. I think 50/50 would be much more structured for everyone.