At the beginning of the senior year of high school have a family conference on the plan for the child to become independent when they graduate. There can be amazing changes when a child realizes they're literally on their own - that its serious business.

First you may find that they're not so hard to get along with during that last year. Second it gives them a sense of control that there is a plan in place to see them into their future.

I've never had a problem with a full time student being supported by their parent(s). Yes they can get loans and such but has any of you read the size of those loans and how long they take to get paid off? How about grades - do you really think that a students grades will be the same if they have to work full time and go to school?

Of course if your only goal is to get rid of the kid regardless of any maturity they gain during this last year then none of that is relevent. I understand a un-repentent child - I had a step-that was stealing money as fast as she could and I told my wife she or I was leaving at the end of school. The girl found a room-mate, job and apartment and never looked back.

Her sister went to college and lived at home for free during the summer.

The point of this is that if you make it clear that the child is going to be on their own soon and can in fact succeed and also has the support of the parent(s) they'll often straighten out and get their act together. Give them the opportunity to do so and a reminder that its coming by the simple act of helping them make a plan.

After my s-daughter graduated from college she came home as in the past. By the end of summer no job had materialized so I told her if she had to work at McDonalds it was time to contribute rent. Within a month she had a job and a apartment.

If they have to pay rent they might as well gain privacy and it seems to work most of the time for parents who have tried it. I told my wife that if she actually paid rent we would save it towards her wedding but we never collected a penny.

Too bad for me that my sd-17 is developmentally delayed. It would be cruel & unusual to turf her @18, which is in 6 months. Wish I could, as I'm tired of the sloppy slack laziness, with a side of filth.

We do it very similar to OCC except we include the option of continuing to live with us under certain conditions. So far SD18 chose to leave because she had no desire to treat me or the other kids with any respect at all. She is living with some girlfriends, working some minimum wage jobs and thrilled to be "free". She even calls once a week to say hi and she is very pleasant to me. Neither she nor us has any desire for frequent visits, but it is good for DH that she stays in contact and is pleasant. DH will visit her 1-2 a year in her town (she moved about 5 hours away) because I will never trust her around my kids again.

SS17 will not be done with high school until 19. He did pick up some bad habits from his sister but when she got kicked out, he straightened up considerably (he was never remotely as bad as her). We are trying out different parts of a contract for him to live here during this year and he wants to sign it and stay after 18. (he has Asperers so we have to make sure the wording is very clear so he understands). I can see him staying until he's 30 lol....at 15, I wanted him gone but he is maturing nicely and trying really hard.

We'll have to see what life brings for the younger ones.

We do it very similar to OCC except we include the option of continuing to live with us under certain conditions. So far SD18 chose to leave because she had no desire to treat me or the other kids with any respect at all. She is living with some girlfriends, working some minimum wage jobs and thrilled to be "free". She even calls once a week to say hi and she is very pleasant to me. Neither she nor us has any desire for frequent visits, but it is good for DH that she stays in contact and is pleasant. DH will visit her 1-2 a year in her town (she moved about 5 hours away) because I will never trust her around my kids again.

SS17 will not be done with high school until 19. He did pick up some bad habits from his sister but when she got kicked out, he straightened up considerably (he was never remotely as bad as her). We are trying out different parts of a contract for him to live here during this year and he wants to sign it and stay after 18. (he has Asperers so we have to make sure the wording is very clear so he understands). I can see him staying until he's 30 lol....at 15, I wanted him gone but he is maturing nicely and trying really hard.

We'll have to see what life brings for the younger ones.

Personally I think throwing them out is a bit harsh but I wouldn't be so accommodating with them. Start having sex really loudly whilst they are in the house, bet they will look for other options then

We just kind of did. We told SD that when she turned 18 she was to either go to college at which she could stay with us, or join the army and if she flunked at those, then she could go live with her half-sister. Which she will end up doing. She goes into the army on the 29th of next month, so I will be anxious to see if she makes it. I have put my foot down that she is NOT coming back into our home to ruin my marriage. She almost did several times and I just can't take it any more. She's gone right now to her half-sister's house for 3 weeks, Yipppeeeee!!!! then is back for 2 weeks till she ships out. I would love to be a fly on the wall when she gets to boot camp. LOL Oh, and my SD has the mentality of a 15 year old. Doesn't want to grow up. Got a job, was fired, rehired and then quit all within a month. Didn't keep job long, just long enough to get a phone & car insurance for her car that her mother and half-sister bought her when she was 16 but never got till she turned 18. Mother passed a little over 2 years ago, which some say explains her behaviour but to me that is a poor excuse for how she treated me and her father. She admits she lies to us, etc. So why not. OUT!!!!

Yeah, she is NOT welcome back in our home for living. So count the days, put your foot down and make some good decisions.

Best to you!

Please, for the love of god, I come here to read and get help, and all I see are abbreviations THAT I DONT KNOW. SS DH SP HH RR BB SD. How infuriating!!! I never felt so annoyed being online before in my life!! Its bad enough that I am going through what I am going through but on TOP of that, I come to articles that I CANT EVEN UNDERSTAND! These are not even common accronyms. I mean come on. How is anyone suppose to understand??? At least have a list of these somewhere so someone can click on it to see what these mean! This is CRAZY.

I am exploring ideas to support DH who also wants SD17 to be more independent. SD17 is off to university next year and showing only minimal signs of independence at this stage. We had to fight tooth and nail to get her to catch a bus once a week. I read the advice above and really appreciate that there are some great ideas in there. We are waiting until her final school exams are finished and then DH has already said he wants to sit down with her and have a discussion preparing her for independence.

DH has told SD17 so far that he wants her to get motivated about getting a driver's licence and a part time job. She resisted having lessons and was not keen on the job idea. DH just kept going and was persistent and she has had some lessons and has a training day for a possible job soon. Honestly I did not think it was going to happen so credit to him.

We still have a long way to go because they both indulged her pre and then even worse post divorce.

She used to just hang around the house all the time so we have encouraged her to book in something to do each weekend and also push the driving lesson option.

Is anyone else out there having trouble with a teenager like this who just does not want to leave the safety of the family home? I was the opposite to this. Running around in my car as soon as I could get a licence, visiting friends, part time jobs, uni, boyfriend. I just don't get it? SD17 is definitely very attached to her dad but I do not think that is the whole issue.

I worry that she will still be here in 10 years time and still have no life. I think I would be ok if she were out and about and we had more space. OK so I should have thought all that through before I got married.

Not sure if it is as easy as just turfing them out? Is it?

We did it. We told SD that when she turned 18 and she finished HS, that she either had to be enrolled in college or a vocational school. She had to find a job and pay for her own car insurance and telephone. We'd pay for the first month and that was it! We also gave her the option of the army, which would cover her schooling, pay her, give her health care, etc. She jumped on that one. Yippeee. Well, at 18 she finished HS and then finally found a job after about a month of looking and us pushing her. She got her car, got her insurance and her phone. Well Half-sister (HSB) decided that since she was going into the army in 6 months she could come and stay with her for the last 2 months and not work and that HSB would pay for her insurance and phone. Fine, we were happy to let her go and get out. She was making out lives miserable. Her attitude, her filthiness, her lack of respect & responsibility was more than I could handle and even DH was getting tired of it. So off she went and she is now 2 weeks into the Boot Camp. I hope she stays and doesn't get kicked out. LOL. She has such a mouth on her that I feel sorry for her fellow commrades if she doesn't follow directions.

We put our foot down and stuck to it. I wish you luck. Prepare and get things going ahead of time. We did. We are glad we did. I was very stressed till SD moved out. Once she left, my life has started to heal itself and so has our marriage. Good luck!

DH and I married later in life so his son was already out of the house.

He loses jobs, apartments, etc. on a regular basis but he is not allowed to stay at our home even for a night. I owned this very small home before our marriage.

Similar situation here,SS will be 18 in July but wife let him drop out of school couple years ago. Claims when he's 18 things will change...he'll get GED,job etc but from what I've seen it's just another stall tactic. I see the way kids are raised around here,to sponge off the mom until they inherit the house...well I'm not letting him hang off her teet the rest of his life but I think she's scared of him or fears rejection so she just lets him do whatever he desires^

Good for you! Get the poison out. We are doing the same. My step demons had a rough go with their dad, and they have behavioral issues because of it (he's never there for them) but they've been given a good home here. At the age of 18, excuses and pity parties have to stop, for their sake and yours. Get SS out, and don't feel guilty. I left at 14, and despite what the law says about legal guardianship, my mother refused to let me back in. I hated her for it...but I was out of control, and I grew up in a damn hurry. 18 is a walk in the park really...your SS can get, at the very least, welfare and a motel address. He won't die out there. And you'll have some peace in your life.