What I think is the saddest about these adult skids...
As we see on here, skids of all ages can have so many issues. I have to hold out hope for the young ones, because maybe they will have a chance to become productive adults. It seems, however, the odds are against it, bc the behaviors seem to get worse in so many of these situations.
What I think is especially sad about the (awful) adult skids (and worse, the younger ones in some cases) are the children they are producing, or will produce. These are the children I have spent the last 3 years of my life working with, these are the children who never had a chance, and who will continue to repeat the cycle. It is so very very sad.
Unless a miracle happens, my DH's kids (19, 20, 23) are going to raise their children terribly, as BM did with them. One has already gotten his MINOR gf pregnant, but she lost the baby, and I think that was God's work. DH's daughter is currently trying to get pregnant by a drug addict, so she "can collect welfare and live off of it." She is terribly overweight and looks sickly. All 3 are cold and nasty people. NO compassion at all.
Do I blame DH? Yes, I do, in some areas. He gave in to BM and did not set boundaries. He allowed these kids to treat him like shit on their shoes. He admitted to me that after the oldest was born, he should have left BM. But, he had 2 more children with her. I am almost convinced these kids have Attachment Disorder, bc I believe BM may.
BM is horrible. Refuses to work, thinks she is wonderful, when in reality she looks like a meth addict. She thinks rules do not apply to her. She has taught the skids that they can do what they want, when they want. She has trained them to see their father as a wallet. She has encouraged them to call me terrible names. It goes on and on. Her only concern in life is gambling and money, neither of which are happening, because her income-CS-just ended, finally. All 3 skids are exactly like her, and I cannot stand them. They have NO values and no morals. No love. They rarely even smile. My DH is the COMPLETE opposite.
My DH's kids have no concept of reality. They truly do not. Only one works, and that is part time. She spends all her money on fast food, and gambling trips. She is constantly emailing DH and telling him she has no money, yet she has gone on 3 vacations in the past 2 months. I dont want to know how they were funded. She refuses to pay rent or for food, and BM's aunt (they all live with her) does not make her pay for anything. NO clue.
DH's older son just got thrown out of minor gf's house. Why her parents allowed him to live there I will never know. He was supposed to have a job by now, but he won't work. Well, he is putting in apps, but only to certain places. He has outrageous and impossible salary and scheduling requirements. He HAS NEVER had a job. 20 years old. No driver's license or car. He plays video games all day and night. He LIES so much. He was bragging how he went to an interview for a low-paying position (he said he would think about it since gf's parents were getting on him) and they were so impressed they interviewed him for a managerial opening. The next day they called and said he was not hired and he was shocked. NONE of that happened-I am not sure he even had an interview, but that is how he is. He has turned down 2 jobs in the past year, not that he went on an interview-his friends offered to help him. The 2 that work and are over 18.
DH's younger son finally graduated at 19. Smokes pot all day. Refers to me as the whore. No car or license or job. He has been saying he wants kids. OMG.
So, how many of these "families" are out there? I know my DH's kids are really bad, but I see a lot of stories about terrible skids on here and the future is scary for the children yet to be born. 
With some changes in the
With some changes in the details I could have written your post. That being said, let me state for the record that my OLDEST ss (40) and his wife are remarkable people - GOOD people, LOVING people, great parents, excellent work ethic, no sense of entitlement, etc.
It is the YOUNGER ss (38) who is the piece of work and I can tell you spot on what the difference is: the youngest one was raised to be what he is: lazy, entitled, manipulative, greedy, dirty, mean, etc. He not only got away with it all as a kid, but he was coddled, babied, and REWARDED for it - by BOTH of his parents.
At 24, younger ss got his 17 year old girlfriend knocked up and they got married and went on to have three special needs boys - who they are raising to be lazy, entitled, manipulative, greedy, dirty, mean, etc. At 13, 8, 7 - they don't know much (NOT being mean - just stating a fact) but they DO know the phrase "Grandpa will buy it" in reference to the latest "whatever-it-is" that they want.
I have tried - and failed - to convey to my (almost ex!) dh that he is NOT helping the skid or his children by catering to them. My oldest ss and his wife have tried -nothing gets through to him or ever will. If this THIRTY EIGHT year old doesn't get his way, he LITERALLY whines and cries and yells and throws a royal fit and accuses daaaaaddddddyyyyy of not loving him - and daddy caves and gives him whatever he wants (a HOUSE even!).
Skid #2 works, I'll say that for him - but if he could get away with not working, he would. My dh does insist that he work. But - skid's money is all blown on CRAP and daddy pays the bills.
GET THIS: daddy hands over $$ every week for the kids' school lunches - but I happen to know, (through a source I can never reveal so I have to keep my mouth shut) that the kids get FREE lunches.
Dh pays their car repairs, property taxes, vet bills for their dog, utilities, you name it. In return, dh asks that every year when they get their tax refund (thou$ands) they give him half. They don't. They BLOW it and make up some story to feed to dh - which he buys hook, line and sinker.
But don't you know, my dh OWES ss #2 because he and mommy (sea hag) got divorced when skid was THREE - thirty five damn years ago.
And let's talk about the FILTY. This man is a PIG and so is his wife. You can smell them coming a mile away - OMG, sooooooooo NASTY. Skid has been that way since I met his when he was 12 - dirty, dirty, DIRTY, stinky, stinky, STINKY. One time - older ss was visiting from college - came downstairs and asked me if there was someplace else he could sleep besides younger skid's room - because of the STINK and the DIRT. I was about to tell ss #1 that he could have the sofa because we were going to bed - and dh starts YELLING at him "don't you say that your brother smells bad, yada, yada, yada..." And so it goes...
And yes, you are right - what is sad is that yet another generation is being raised to be this way.
I do not blame you for
I do not blame you for getting out of this marriage. OMG. 38 and throwing tantrums. And all the bills being paid. My stepmom does this with her daughter, but not even to that extent. It was getting bad for a while, but she stopped a little, but still, it makes my dad mad. He cannot say anything though, bc my brother has caused so much crap with them. Long story.
I can see this with my DH's kids-temper tantrums for the rest of their lives. They have no ambition. They are a bad reality show. There is not so much dirt (you skid sounded so gross), as there is sloppiness and a severe lack of social skills-because they think everyone else is stupid and they are wonderful. My DH's daughter enjoys randomly flipping people off for the hell off it. They are living in a TINY home. 5 adults. I would want to get out of there so badly, but they have no ambition. This is why the thought of them having kids is so sickening.
Special needs kids have my heart, and the way your SS's are being raised is so sad. They will never be able to fend for themselves, but they, too, will reproduce, and continue this cycle. I have worked with special needs kids for awhile, and when their parents do this, it is awful to see. When I worked with my kids, they knew that I had expectations and boundaries, and they were not allowed to act like you described. Even though some of them cannot really help some of what they do, I was able to give them a sense of reality in a kind way, if that makes sense.
You are so lucky to be getting out, although I think you can claim a new reality show with this bunch.
Oh it is so sad. They just
Oh it is so sad. They just let those boys sit in front of television or video games in all their spare time. There is no hiking, biking, games of hide and seek - none of that "regular childhood stuff." These kids are able to learn and retain things - I have been around them (especially the oldest) enough to know. (BTW, it is the oldest who, at age 11, jumped from dh's sofa onto and THROUGH a glass coffee table - miracle he wasn't killed).
But they teach them no manners, no social skills, no basic stuff like how to blow your nose or answer a telephone. It is indeed heartbreaking. At my son's wedding reception last summer, each of the boys helped themselves to 3 or 4 pieces of cake (thankfully AFTER it had been cut by the bride and groom) - just poor manners - inherited from their parents. If my kids attempted anything like that they would have been Sorry with a capital S.
I pointed out when the oldest was 2 and a half (I used to be licensed to do child care and have had a lot of child development training) that I thought there were some developmental delays and I was ATTACKED for being MEAN to skid and his son. Ummmmm...hello??? A two and a half year old should be putting sentences together and this kid would only grunt, whine, and point!
Randomly flipping people off??? OMG - someday that girl is going to flip off the WRONG PERSON and she'll be it deep shit without a scooper. Where the hell did she learn that behavior? OMG!!! Does your dh know about that? What does he say about it?
OMG. These poor kids. They
OMG. These poor kids. They have no chance, do they? How can parents do this? I will never have an answer for this question.
My DH knows how bad his daughter is. He is ashamed, I think. His sons are just as bad. His issue is he feels guilt. I call it misplaced guilt-he made mistakes, but ultimately his kids "sided" with BM. She has no rules, she is their friend. His daughter is always flipping people off and mocking them. You are right-one day, she will be in deep shit. She is angry all the time, unless she is getting her way. If you do not do exactly what she wants, she throws a fit. BM does the same things. My DH would never go out in public bc BM was so embarrassing. The kids are like BM clones. I cannot believe how different they are from DH. He is the most gentle person,he never raises hi voice, and they are HORRIBLE. MIL said they would all scream at him. I know that he has scars I cannot see. This is why the future grandkids have no chance. I cannot imagine the skids meeting nice and decent people, and BM is crazy.
I really feel bad for you.
I really feel bad for you. You sound like a lovely person, but your husband is getting sucked into this situation, and he doesn't know how to say no. When you offer advice, I bet you are considered the big, bad wolf. You probably love your husband, as I do mine, but you see the real picture and he cannot. Your husband is too involved in their lives, and that works out great for the kids. However, he is going to lose you. You cannot hitch yourself to that cart. God bless you. If your husband wants to be at the mercy of a 38 year old brat, you can't go down that road with him. They will drain you in any way they can, emotionally, financially or all of the above. Stand up for yourself and tell your husband that you cannot be dragged down with him. Paying vet bills, I'm sorry that is way too much.
Yeah, you are right - they
Yeah, you are right - they will probably not meet and partner with decent people. My skid #2 married a horrible pig. She is the female version of HIM - lazy, manipulatie, dirty, greedy, entitled...just completely NASTY. These people contribute nothing to their families, their community, etc. They are TAKERS and USERS, plain and simple.
Can be so so so so fustrating
Can be so so so so fustrating dealing with these so called "adults" My SD33 thought that her dad and me should have given her the money to pay for her 2 divorces LOL, 1st go around she had a lovely big wedding that we footed. It lasted 5 months. She jumped right into the fire again and had her hand out for us to foot the 2nd one. Her hand got slapped!!! Now she is crying that we havent ever done "anything" for her. Good grief...... I am so blessed that she lives 2 1/2 hours away from us and not in our neighborhood
you haven't done anything for
you haven't done anything for her TODAY! it's a daily thing with them. and they think it should go on into perpetuity.
And believe it or not over
And believe it or not over the weekend she informed us that she was going to take mine and DH's timeshare and go on vacation. She must think she is entitled to one more than her Dad/Me. Cold day in H@ll thats going to happen. She is an asst. princple at a school with a masters degree in education and she thinks I'm going to foot the bill!!! It never ends!!!
be sure to tell her what the
be sure to tell her what the rent will be for the timeshare.
They sound like a bunch of
They sound like a bunch of losers and I would refuse to associate with them!
My husband and I have been
My husband and I have been together for 20 years since his daughter was 4 and before his son was born. His ex wife the BM hasnt worked in 20 years lived off welfare the whole time and my SD seems to be following in her footsteps at the age of 24 has two kids by two different men and has never worked a day in her life and i am sure she never will just expects everything to be given to her. She never would really have anything to do with us her entire life we always allowed her to make her own decission about whether she wanted to spend time with us and never forced her to the court ordered visitation. She only allows us to see her children on her terms and is very disreaspectful to me even though i have basically clothed her kids the last two years. Most recently she and I have stopped speaking since July and we have not been allowed to see the kids but she was evidently furious the we didnt attend the oldest's birthday party even though she hasnt so much as spoken a word to me since July, knew in my head it would blow up when it came to his birthday since she would expect us to spend a fortune on him. Love the kids but cutting off all ties to her...I am done.
What does she do for your
What does she do for your Birthday?
Mine?? She has never even so
Mine?? She has never even so much as sent me a text telling me happy birthday
One of my favorite sayings is
One of my favorite sayings is "A little masochism never hurt anybody” but one of my friends helped me to understand that it does indeed. Good to hear you are done. Think of all of the fun you can have taking the money you would have spent on this selfish SD and spending it on yourself. I mean it! What ever you would have spent on SD or the grandskid in the past, put it in a special fund for yourself. You deserve it more than they do.
That is actually a good
That is actually a good idea...lol. And all the stuff I bought back in July that I had had the chance to give them yet ...they aren't getting, putting it back for future grandchildren, which hopefully won't be too long since my son just got married, may have a bundle of joy by ths time next year who knows.