Cranberry sauce, video games, and a reality check for BM
I had to share. I should not laugh, but really, this one is funny. DH's 3 kids are 19, 20, and 23. They live with BM and BM's aunt in a little house. The aunt works full-time, DH's daughter works 25 hours a week. DH's sons have never worked, nor has BM. BM always told them they did not have to work, bc DH was the wallet and he would always be around. :? These "kids" grew up watching their dad work a physically demanding job, 6 days a week, while BM gambled and slept all day, and sometimes not by herself. Anyway...none of DH's goodness and ethics is a part of his kids.
The funny part-BM flipped out because she could not find a jar of cranberry sauce. Apparently, they are all fighting, and it has escalated since CS ended in July. The aunt has apparently had it. DH's sons are literally on the computer 20 hours a day, while apparently eating everything in sight. DH's daughter refuses to clean or pay rent or help out in any way.
So, BM calls another aunt, who is actually very nice. She told this aunt that DH HAS to allow us to let the kids move in here. She cannot take it. If it isn't cranberry sauce, they are arguing about everything from taking out the trash to who ate what food.
The aunt who BM called told my DH to never ever allow his kids here, to which he said that will never happen. I like this aunt. She said BM caused it, and now she does not want to live with it. I think this is a great lesson for those Disney Dads, especially. If you raise your kids in a bubble, that bubble will burst when they are adults. And it ain't pretty.
She is batshit crazy. It took
She is batshit crazy. It took years for DH to leave her, and when he did, she told him he could not. He said he realized then how nuts she was. I honestly think he thought he could have a family with her in the beginning. My MIL said BM was always cold and odd, but never this bad. She started gambling when the youngest was about a year old. BM continued to tell DH he could never leave her, up to the divorce hearing, which she stalled for over a year.
She told DH it is his duty to support his kids. She told the kids that, too. If they came here, it would be a disaster and I would be gone immediately. BM's aunt is in bad health, so when she can no longer work, it will be a bigger mess.
I stupidly thought all 3 of the kids would have FT jobs now, either to get out of the house, or bc BM forced them. But, her solution is for us to take them in. Not only do they hate me, but we have a small 2 bedroom home. Can you imagine?
The biggest irony-BM was awarded alimony for 5 years. The amount left DH with barely anything. Less than a month after BM and DH divorced, BM remarried. We were not supposed to know, but DH's son called, laughing and "bragging." No more alimony-BM was shocked. She flipped out on our lawyer and her lawyer. Her new husband fled less than 6 months later.
It is really scary. I worked
It is really scary. I worked with teens last year, and OMG, some of the things they said. I have a friend who works in a school and she has had parents come in asking if their kids (they have learning issues, but CAN function) could get disability so they do not have to work. It is crazy.
DH's older son is hinting that he wants to apply for disability because he has social issues. If that happens, I will be down at the social services office complaining. Jobs are hard to come by, but he has turned down 2 that friends tried to get for him. DH's daughter is saying her back is bad, so she does not think she can work much longer. Meanwhile, she wants a baby so she can get on welfare-her words. I worked with a pregnant teen last year who thought it was great she was having a baby, bc she can get benefits. It is really, really bad. The entitlement and expectations.
Yes, kids think parents owe them. I also had kids like my DH's kids, who say their parents had them, so they have to support them. :sick:
Our BM thought that she could get alimony re-instated when her husband left. She called DH asking for $2500 so she could get a divorce....so she could get her alimony back. The woman is in some other universe.
I may build that moat. You made me laugh with the diaper line!
before sd actually got
before sd actually got pregnant for real, back when she thought she was pregnant every week of every month, including while on her period i'm sure, she told me that she knew she and bf would be "just fine" if she got pregnant because they are going to be together forever (at 19 and 22) and she "will be entitled to all kinds of benefits!" said with great enthusiasm. nice way to plan a family. so responsible. and the cycle continues.
Your SD is worse than mine.
Your SD is worse than mine. I am waiting for the text or email or Facebook posting saying DH's daughter is pregnant. She has a boyfriend now, but no one seems to know who he is. I have a bad feeling, because everyone she hangs out with is either an addict or has been in jail.
The cycle does continue, and it is so sad.
My skids BM did the same
My skids BM did the same thing: kicked them out after the CS stopped. Two of them moved in with DH and I for 4 1/2 years. We are now separated and possibly headed towards divorce.
The worst years of my life were living with SD22. I never want to see her again.
OMG, I am so sorry. I could
OMG, I am so sorry. I could never do 4 hours, let alone 4 years. I KNOW this. It is something I cannot and will not budge on. First of all, I cannot trust them and they have hated me before they met me, bc they want dad and mom back together. :sick: Secondly, our house is small. Third, they won't work or help out, and they have bad manners and hygiene. And lastly, we could not afford it, not with the extra utility and food bills-they eat so much. DH's daughter is so overweight I am afraid she is going to have a heart attack before she turns 30. When one of DH's sons was living with him, his food bill was off the charts, and that was only 2 of them. Oh, and all of their friends are addicts or have been in jail.
I don't want anything to do with them. I have been with DH 3 years and still cannot fathom how he produced them. They are nothing like him. Nothing.
Did you by any chance have an interfering MIL? That is really going to be my problem, IF anything were to happen with them trying to seriously get in here.
I hope you can find your peace, even if you have to go the divorce route.
no interfering MIL but she's
no interfering MIL but she's obviously taken "sides" since i've had no contact with her or her daughters since the separation. my relationship with them was really only one-way: i give, give, give and they take. they'll get nothing from me ever again.
i've told my DH that i am finished giving and over giving to all of them. i want the life of a woman with grown children, one where i concentrate on my happiness and not my child's, and especially not, HIS stupid adult kids.
we'll see what happens. i'm having trouble believing he will ever be able to put our relationship first.
thank you for your well wishes. same to you and all the other stepmothers on here.
I hope he learns that he has
I hope he learns that he has to put you first. It is so sad, these men allowing adult kids to rule and control.
We have a strict no kids
We have a strict no kids living with us rule. I don't understand how grown kids continue to live with parents. Even with a job and paying rent I mean wouldn't you want your privacy?? IDK to me its just not feasible. SO and I have a nice home 3 bedrooms 1 for us and 1 for SD13 EOWeek and 1 guest room. SD13 refers to the guest room as the babies room WTF?? The baby is our grandson 6 mos who I love love love but he doesn't get his own room lol. SD thinks that she is turning it into a baby room because her sister (SO's SD24) is also having a baby and they will need a room at our house. NO WAY!!
What scares me is that SD shows no signs of ever wanting to leave. I finally have her somewhat convinced to go to college. But she won't go anywhere far because she can't be away from her family :? :? :? :? I hope BM upgrades the 3 bedroom apartment she is living in because she will have all her kids there one day.
I also do not understand why
I also do not understand why they do not want privacy. I would never want to live with my parents. I love having my house for just me and DH. I will never ever bend on this. His kids are not even allowed to stay a night. My MIL has so much to say, that I am at the point where I will have to tell her to take them. When they lie, steal, and do not leave the couch, she can deal with it.
Your SD does sound like a problem. I hope she changes her mindset.