Should she call it daddy and butterfly's house? Sure. Is it worth a battle? Nope. I move in with my fiancé in a month to the house that he lived in with BM. I have no doubt she'll call it daddy's house, because she'd rather not acknowledge that I cleaned up and redecorated. That's her issue (denial), not mine. You know it's your home, you don't need her validation.

As for your ss, this is his way of checking things out, seeing if there's a contest. I had the same thing from my sd8 when future DH and I started changing things at the house. "Oh mom had this mirror in the dining room, mom folded the towels different, these are different plates than mom's." I answer her by saying things like "well your father and I decided we like the mirror in here instead, just like at your mom's house she decided she likes the couch where she has it." and "I have furniture to move in and the mirror just didn't match in the dining room, sometimes you have to redecorate." It only took a few days before she realized I'm not in a decorating contest with her mom and now I don't hear a peep about how her mother did anything.

Hmmm... He's 8. He should be about to grow out of that kind of babyish stuff. Then again, I have a SS8 and sometimes he has the behavior of a 2yr old and the mouth of a 20yr old so... Lol.

I would not say anything just yet but if this is still going on when he's 9, you can have DH say something to him about it first. Maybe something simple like "this is our house now as Mommy has not lived here for a very long time and does not have anything here anymore so let's call it "our house" from now on and we'll call where Mommy lives, her house".

I'd take that as the first step to try to undo his fixation with old memories.

You can get even in you own way with out a battle. We live in the house the SO and BM shared shortly before they split. It used to drive me nuts when I first moved in the BM would come in and make herself at home So I redecorated the living room and all things visible from the door. I had SKids help out here and there and got them excited about the changes. I let he walk into OUR house one last time, now she gets stopped at the door and SO doesn't go into her house either.

When she has had to come in I don't offer her a seat and I rush her out as quickly as I can. When she is invited over it's always "OUR house".

I correct SKids when they say dad's house. I pretend to be offended and explain that I take care of the house, don't I?

It is "Daddy's house". Why add unncessary words? You don't go to Ralphs Grocery Store - you go to Ralphs. Now go vacuum that rug again I smell something.

I took some sage advice from StepAside a while ago because I was quite tired of listening to my TEENAGE steps talk about the BM all the time.

Example: we were at a restaurant and were just served our meals

SS: This steak isn't as good as MOM makes
DH: Eat it anyways
SS: But MOM'S steaks are better
Me: Really? How does she make them?
SS: (mumbles without eye contact) better
Me: How better? Does she use marinade? Spices? Hickory charcoal?
SS: (mumbles without eye contact) dunno
Me: Is there a special cut of steak she uses? Ribeye? T-bone? NY strip?
SS: *shrugs* (without eye contact)
Me: Well, maybe you can ask her for me and let me know, okay?
SS: (unintelligible mumble without eye contact)
Me: Will you promise to do that? please? You can just text me when you find out. Do you have my number?

Now mind you, neither of my SS's care to speak to me, make eye contact with me, or acknowledge my presence. They do, however, delight in talking up their mom in my presence any time they can. So all it took is about 3 times of doing this sort of stuff (making it look as thought I was truly interested instead of freaking pissed off) and somehow talking about Dear Ole' Mom in front of me lost it's luster.

BM tells the skids its their house. She did used to live here also. ANd SO wont change anything. Wont let me either. I had the same nasty issues you all have had. I spent 11 days just cleaning from morning til nite just to be able to move in. SO stayed with his parents after she left and then with me while paying for the house. It looked like the hoarders show. He did let me paint but I had to use the same color (white) . It was mice infested. I took care of that. There were actual USED pads stuffed where her bed had been in a corner!!!!
I think all her problem with him and I moving in here together was she didnt want me to know how nasty she was.
But yes, she tells the skids its their home and they can go anywhere in it and take anything from it and use anything in it. And trust me they do. They have no boundries and are entitled to it all. And SO doesnt argue it or set them straight. I am seriously considering telling SO that as soon as I get a job (I got layed off after 10 years) I want to go back to him at his house and me at mine. I still want the relationship with him. But damn. I dont see us marrying or even getting engaged. I just see me cleaning HIS home and cleaning up after HIS kids forever. These kids are pigs. If they eat something they just drop the wrapper where they stand. They leave food clothing drinks(spilled) toys trash everywhere. It takes me all day on Mondays to clean up after they leave. I would love to be able to have a say in decoration, color, or whatever. I dont see it changing ever so if thats what I want then I need either OUR place or my place.

I love StepAsides advice lol, she is a smart cookie. I was going to suggest next time BM drops off or picks up the SK's say very loudly to the kids in front of her ok we'll see you when you get back to OUR house, don't forget to put your toys back in OUR house, and so on and so on. I'd do it everytime until she got the point, with a big cheesin ass grin on your face everytime. I used to let my ex and his horse face girlfriend get under my skin and they did All kinds of things to purposely set me off. Now I just don't care, I have too much going on in my life to worry about them and their BS. Just smile, you have her husband and it probably kills her that you are living in her old house.

I'd let this one go.

At least she is still having the skid(s) call their father DADDY instead of his first name.

i have this problem with fdh's family. we live in the house he grew up in. his dad and mom lived here, later his dad and sm lived here, then he and his brother and a roommate as bachelors, then no one was here for a couple years, then he and i moved in. we are buying this home from his mom and sf (sf bought it from fdh's dad). i realize he has emotional attachments to this place. but i don't. this place was a health hazard dump when we moved in. he talked it up like it was some kind of palace. it is not in good shape. it's better now (thanks to me and my family) but it still needs a ton of work.

i paid the property taxes that fdh was 2 years behind on. my family spent time and money redoing the kitchen for us. i spent my tax refund and hired my aunt and uncle to do the bathroom. i bought a new furnace. i paid to have the crumbling foundation fixed. i have always paid the utilities and bought the groceries. i have pulled far more than my weight in this place. yet his family acts as though fdh was gracious enough to dole out the charity to let bd and i live here. they think i should be grateful. they act like he scooped me up off the streets and gave me a home. they don't remember that he moved into my place for almost a year before we moved here. they don't recognize all the work and money my family and i have put into this place. that doens't count. all that matters is that this is HIS house and without him, i would not be here. apparently the unspoken assumption is that i would be on the streets if not for fdh. they lose their damn minds if i complain about this house in any way at all. it doesn't matter that i live here, not them. it doens't matter that my kids live here. i still do not have the right to an opinion. they give him all the credit for the work done on this place, even though he did NOTHING, it was me and my family, and he happily absorbs the credit. :sick:

people are f'g stupid.

It's not worth the hassle trying to get them to acknowledge it's your house. Besides they are probably abbreviating it anyway.

Play along with the kid the next time he goes on about his mum, say you think his mum is a really good decorator. You could easily slip into saying how the house was a sty but that is stooping low. Be the better person.