Taking stepkids to the "Flea Markets"...

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I'll never do that again. ALL of us yesterday, DH, myself, BS1 AND SS8 at a flea market. The ENTIRE time there, SS8 was "daddy, buy me this, daddy look at this, daddy look at that!"

Number 1, SS8 gets C/S. BS1 does without, so it is paid. What if I want something for BS1? Needs? toys, etc. and SS8 is just standing there, pouting? I'm sorry but I do not feel like buying his son everything he can see.

I'm looking for others who have been through this? It drove me nuts.

I've been through something

I've been through something similar. SD14 and my daughter, also 14. My daughter visits us in CO for the summer. Last year, we were all out in Estes Park looking through the shops and such and my daughter found a Colorado T-shirt she wanted. She only had $10 on her so asked if I could make up the $5 difference. I bought her the shirt, made her keep her $10.

SD14 picks up the same exact shirt in a different size and says "well, I'll take this one". I said, "Go ask your dad". She says, "Well you bought T that shirt, why can't you buy me one too?" I tell her YOU LIVE HERE! Why would you want a "colorado" t shirt anyways????? It was because T was getting one, Z had to have the same thing too.

So SD14 (Z) goes to dad who was sitting outside and asks him to buy her the shirt. DH looked at her and said "You LIVE here, why do you want a Colorado t shirt?" LMAO Thank GOD DH and I are on the same wavelength. She proceeded to tell him the sob story of how I bought one for T, she should have one too. He said, "T lives in MI and her mother can buy her whatever she wants. That certainly doesn't mean YOU'RE getting something too!"

She stomped over to a bench, sat down, arms crossed, pouting and started to cry. At 13 yrs old...yeah so very mature!

My suggestion to you if your son needs something whether SS is there or not - buy it! When SS protests or asks for something too, tell him that his father pays his mother money every month for his things, go ask his mom!!!!

That is exactly how I feel

That is exactly how I feel too! I think dad feels guilty because he does not see his son that often though. I actually feel funny myself in front of SS8.

I can understand some things like eating out, etc. BUT now all of the extra "fun" stuff is kicking in...

" DADDY!!!!!!!!!!! LOOK AT THIS VIDEO GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Dad said to me: barf* "Look at how SS8 is looking at stuff for his baby brother."

What?!

Yeah cuz little brother can

Yeah cuz little brother can play video games with him right? HA! Whatever...

Seems to me your DH is stuck really far up his son's ass and it'll be really hard to extract him. My DH was the same with his kid when I first met them. To the point that she was telling HIM what to do! "Dadddddyyy, I am not ready for you to date yet. Remove your dating profiles online". "Ok, princess, whatever you want". My email to him was the last to get through before he deleted his profiles IN FRONT OF HER TO PROVE HE DID IT!!!!!!!!

It took a good year and one threat of me walking out after SD complained she didn't like us kissing or holding hands in front of her and he actually sat me down and asked me to cool it with the PDA in front of her. This was after she called a "family meeting" with DH and BM and her to discuss MY relationship with him...Yeah, I told him that I'm so glad you, your EX WIFE and your 12 yr old CHILD agree about how OUR relationship needs to be. I; however, DO NOT. And if you want to continue living your life for your EX WIFE and your CHILD, find someone else because frankly, I'm not changing one itsy bitsy thing about me.

He marched straight over to BM's and called another meeting, this one he was sure to lay out that they are DIVORCED and he can do whatever he wishes with his girlfriend. Neither of them were going to rule him ever again. And the miracle? He stuck with it!

Do me a favor? Rub some of

Do me a favor? Rub some of that off your husband, bottle it and send it to me, so I can sprinkle it over my husband please? My husband would make me a very happy woman if he'd go sit down his ex and son and put a stop to the friggin insanity!

It would be an added bonus if he, like your husband, stuck to it, too.

Alas, I know that only the threats of me leaving (and possibly the reality of it) will be what determines the decisions he makes to stand up to her.

Congrats to you!

Thanks. I'm truly a lucky

Thanks. I'm truly a lucky woman. He's amazing. I can't sing his praises enough. There's literally ZERO issues with him, he trusts me, I trust him. I've never felt such overwhelming love and respect for one person in my life. We truly make everyone around us jealous with how great our relationship is. I honestly don't know what I'd do without him in my life!

I don't take my skids

I don't take my skids anywhere without Dh anymore. He's pissed about it, but tough shit. I am sick of being the one to deal with their crap behavior in public, expecting to buy something on every trip, candy at every register.

Different situation, as we have full custody, so no child support. But I totally hear you about the annoying behavor and feeling like you can't do for your own child because the other's eyes are on you.

I just make sure to get away with my BSs as often as I can, and treat them when the skids are home with Dh. I pick bs3 up from school early on Fridays (at 11 when preschool is over) and leave the skids at the daycare til 6 so I get half a day with just my kids. And usually I can finagle food shopping with just my boys. If Dh wants to sit around the house on the weekend, then so do the skids. I used to take a the kids with me while Dh sat around playing video games and napping.... But no more. Either he deals with them, or they miss out. I am done having my every day off ruined.

There is still the issue of what to do when one child deserves a reward and not the others. Dh will just let the skids get rewarded even if they behaved attrociously.... I enforce consiquences on BS. It's annoying as can be to watch the skids act like fools in public, get yelled at constantly by Dh (or sometimes not) and he still buys them candy at the register....or stops and gets them all icecream or a doughnut. But, not my kids, so I try to let it go. My only responsibility is to make my BSs into lovely people....if he wants his to be entitled aholes, that's how business.

But maybe before you go on family outtings, clarify with Dh exactly what will be purchased, and what if anything will be bought for the kids. Then communicate that to SS before you walk I to the flea market. We are here for X, Y and Z. And that is it. Do not ask for anything, this is not a trip for toys. Or we used to say...... You will be allowed to chose one toy from the dollar store booth on the way out. If you ask for anything before then, you forfeit the opportunity and get nothing. They very rarely earned their toy,but it put it on them instead of a free for all of I wants and gimmes.

Thank you for the great

Thank you for the great advice. I think from now on, "these" types of trips will just be with BS1. I do not see dad being able to do that to "his" son. BS1? YES, he is already being taught that, what mom cooks, is what you get". I don't play that. I have a 20 something yr. old son too and have been around this block a few times. It is odd though, because as you pointed out, I "parent" in a different way. SS8 wanted an expensive PUNCHING BAG . I'm trying to look for things for me, BS1, and yes, DH and it was all about ss8. I'm glad the cash was in my pocket and not DH's. }:)

No, SS8 did not get the punching bag, nor the damn scooter... I think DH got the message by the "look" in my eyes.

It will be much easier soon as BS1 gets a little older and I can just do whatever with him. I'm not sitting around this house all weekend.

^^^^^^^^^^THIS is excellent

^^^^^^^^^^THIS is excellent advice

Might make for less

Might make for less aggrivation in the short term, but doesn't really address the OP main issue.

Skid who feels entitled to get stuff for no reason everywhere they go.

Having to balance buying needs for her own child while SS watches and pouts.

Dh standing up to his kid and setting boundaries.

Thanks! I should have thought

Thanks! I should have thought of that one after all of this time! GREAT IDEA!

I wish SOMEONE would explain

I wish SOMEONE would explain to SS8 that his mom gets money every week for his needs? SS8 did not even know that BS1 had his dad's LAST NAME TOO.

Why is everyone dodging the situation? Things MUST be explained.

I think telling an 8 year old

I think telling an 8 year old about child support is an inappropriate conversation to have. A simple "we don't have money for that" would suffice.

Mmm when your son is eight at

Mmm when your son is eight at the flea market it'll be the same thing. Children are inherently selfish. So now the question is did Daddy teach the boy that the world is not his on a gold platter? Or was it give him anything because Daddy is guilty he's not there every day?

While I agree that children

While I agree that children are inherently selfish and want what they want regardless of the situation, my daughter never acted the way SD14 and the OP's SS8 does. Then again, I taught her how to value money, allowed her to do chores to earn an allowance and she spent HER money when we went out and she saw something she liked. Which is also why she asked me about making up the difference in price of the t shirt she wanted to buy, otherwise she knew she wasn't going to be able to get it.

SD14 whines, pouts, cries, demands and throws tantrums when she doesn't get things she wants. My daughter never did that. SD14 was raised with parents who doted on her constantly, allowed her to control them and made her the center of their universe. Therein lies the issue.

You HAVE to show kids the

You HAVE to show kids the real freaking world!? Take them to the poor side of town, say "hi" to the bums and vagrants, take the city buses and talk about "things". Talk about how others are freaking STARVING, etc.

That is what I did with my 20 yr. old, and that will be my BS1 's "world", as well?

I agree

NO. My son (and my other

NO. My son (and my other BS20) do not, and will not act this way, ever. Ask my eldest!

It is a guilt thing. I can "see" it. What about the guilt of not being able to provide right for your baby because of C/S, and a major pay cut in employment?

LOL IF my own son started

LOL IF my own son started that crap, we would be out of that place so damn fast, back home and out to do chores to EARN something "special", it would make your head spin.

Exactly. Just this weekend my

Exactly. Just this weekend my BS3 came to me to ask if he could get some big boy legos like ss10 (SS has regular legos, and BS has the bigger toddler Duplo legos). My response was that he can either put them on his Christmas list and wait to see if Santa BRU.hs them, or he could do some chores to earn the money. I asked him to come up with some chore that he thinks he can do.

He decided that he wants to vaccum the livingroom and wipe down the bathroom counter to earn the money to buy his own legos.

The skids would never lift a finger to work for anything.