Better to not deal with mentally unfit BPs. It is better to own their idiot butts.
I have little tolerance for toxic people in my life and my Skid's SpermClan is on the bottom of my list for tolerance. People I care about I have tolerance for. The SpermClan I don't care about so they get ZERO tolerance.
They had a choice. Be reasonable and work with us to focus on the best interest of the kid (SS-20) or STFU and do what we told them to do when we told them to do it or be ready for yet another visit to court.
It took them a few years to gain clarity on this but eventually even with their combined single digit family IQ they did gain clarity. Their clarity was intermittent so we had to smack them back in to submission periodically but they knew if they behaved as idiots they got smacked.
As my wife's spouse and my son's (SS) dad I took it as my responsiblility to protect my family from threats even if those threats came from my own son's gene pool. I think that this is an extremely effective way to deal with mentally, morally or characterly (is that a word?) unfit BioParents.
If they are reasonable then be reasonable. If they are not reasonable then own their idiot asses and apply painful accountability for their behavior.
I have noticed lately that
I have noticed lately that stepdads get almost zero respect and credit for taking care of lazy BM's and their kiddos. It stinks. I've sat back and watched SS8's stepdad get used and used by BM and her son. SS8 has even whispered to me, "SD is RICH and gives my mommy plastic cards." I'm not kidding. They use him for his money, me to give BM a "break", and DH is put on the "spot." What a nasty cycle.
I just had to put my two cents in here. TY for being an awesome stepdad.
Do you know anything about
Do you know anything about getting custody from a mentally ill BM? Do you know how to prove abuse when it is mental abuse? The physical abuse on my skid 6 by his BM is there but there are no marks and the lasting effects are mental.
All of this is over a twenty
All of this is over a twenty year old step-kid?
No idea how to gain custody
No idea how to gain custody away from a mentally ill BioParent. Not something I have had to deal with. I do know that NJ and NY are very tough states for NCPs to live in and have to adhere to a CO.
OCC, It is no longer an issue for us. Our son (my SS-20) has aged out from under the CO and moved far beyond the SpermClan with the exception of the periodic toxic manipulations from the SpermIdiot and SpermGrandHag who use the three younger also out of wedlock SpermIdiot half sibs to tug at my kid's heart strings. We did have to deal with this crap for 17+ years. My wife dealt with it for nearly a year before she and I met and we dealt with it for nearly 17 years while married.
I floated this topic from a related thread because I thought it warranted it's own headline.
Best regards,
Ditz, I think that there is
Ditz,
I think that there is an important distiction between loyalty to our parents and being obligated to our parents. I am sure his parents helped him during the custody battle because that is what parents do. Parents help and support their kids. What parents do not do is push obligation on their kids for the help parents provide.
If your DH's parents are pushing this on your DH then he needs to let them know that you and his kids come first.
I had to navigate this with my own mother a couple of times when she took objection to how I was parenting my Skid. We worked it out but we did have a couple of tense discussions during the process of working it out.
My dad let me know in no uncertain terms that my mother was his wife and to never put him in a position of having to chose between me and my mom. I would lose. My mom nor my dad has ever had an issue with my marriage comming first/before them. The only issue I have had with my parents is my mother stepping in to parenting situations and making them more tense than they would otherwise be. We finally agreed that if she has a problem with a parenting situation or a parenting suggestion that she and I will take it off line.
It is good news that your DH is gaining clarity on the priority of you and your marriage in relation to his parents.
Hang in there.
Yes, he is 20. The Skid and
Yes, he is 20. The Skid and SpermClan issues were dealt with from age 15 months until he turned 18 and aged out from under the CO.
We have no issues with the exception of my kid's (SS-20) heartbreak over his idiot SpermClan and their continued emotional manipulations of him.
He is my son as much as he is my wife's BioKid. So, I have never nor will I ever write him off. Now, if he had been a toxic manipulative POS ..... that would be a completely different story.