I changed my name, removing my XHs last name which is the last name of my children. I regret that a lot. I have no connection to my children in name. People at the school often call me 3Fam XHLastName anyway because they assume I have the same name as my children and my BD6 was heartbroken that we 'didn't match' anymore.

Believe me, I want nothing to do with my XH - I couldn't wait to shed his last name, yet, I regret losing that connection to my kids.

When I married DH, I removed my XHs last name and replaced it with my maiden name DH last name. Just a space between them. I advised my daughters that when they get married, keep their maiden name and name their children with their maiden name then the fathers last name. If my daughters ever get divorced, they can return to their maiden name or maiden name and a new last name and still be connected to their children.

I could tell my DH was touchy about it which is sort of ironic since he grew up in a country that doesn't change names on marriage yet I was expected to change and he was grouchy about it. Don't get me wrong, I never had any hesitation, I just have a small amount of sorrow I have no name connection to my children anymore.

IDK, I changed my name back to my maiden them as soon as I walked out of the court house with the divorce papers, hit up DMV, Social Secruity and got on the phone ASAP to change everything else. My kids have their fathers last name, it doesn't matter to me if I have the same last name, when SO and I get married I will hyphenate my maiden name and his last name. I never could understand the logic of keeping the ex's last name.

I can definitely understand your concern. For me personally, I dropped my ex's last name before the ink dried on the divorce papers. We have a child together. To me it was my way of saying I am completely done and over you. I got the concern from others as well about keeping his last name for my child's sake, but that made no sense to me.

However, when I remarried, I wanted to keep my maiden name and hyphen it with my new last name. The reason I wanted to was because I was unsure and it was my weak way of holding on to my identity before meeting him. My husband was concerned about this and voiced his opinion.

My husband's argument outweighed my level of insecurity and I dropped my maiden name and took his. I still feel I made the right choice and wished I never had reservations.

If it's on FB I can understand. Including multiple names people know you by makes it easier for people to find you via FB search, & also makes it easier for people to recognize/identify you when you send a friend request.

Old school friends wouldn't know me by my current married name. I have friends who wouldn't know me by my maiden name or current married name, but by my 1st married name.

I don't use my 1st married name on FB. I only use my maiden & current last names, but I understand that it could make searches/identification easier.

I kept my first husband's name after I married DH.

My mother kept my dad's last name after she married my stepdad.

I don't know how common it is or isn't, but that's what we did.

I have my name like this....My Maidenname-First husband's last name. No where am I Mrs. 2nd Husband's last name. Unless it is dinner reservations.

Sorry not going to happen. I have a son and he has his father's last name. I use my maiden name professionally and it is career suicide to change your name mid career.

Seriously, it is her name and she can choose how she wants hyphen or not or change or not. Up to her. I think the practice is outdated and everyone should keep their name....

Sorry, but this irritates the hell out of me. She gave you your name, be grateful. I wouldn't give DH anything.

No way I would keep my EX's last name if I re married. No way!!

On my 3rd marriage (last one, no matter what) Married right out of high school at age 19, had my daughter at age 25. Got divorced at 30. Went back to maiden name until married to the 2nd guy. FLEW to the DMV/SS office the minute I got my divorce papers. He was a horrid person and I couldn't wait to eliminate that name. Went back to my maiden name again.

So, I haven't had my daughter's same name in a while but it doesn't really affect either of us. She's fine, I'm fine, so I took my new husband's name cheerfully. No hyphens, nothing. I'm strictly Mel middle name new husband's last name and I'm happy and proud of it!

I can definitely understand your feelings. If I were you, I'd be a bit hurt too. I can understand her side, being a mom and an ex, but honestly, just to have the same name as my kid - yeah, not a big deal for me

Good luck. That's a tough situation and I wish I had some good advice for you but sadly, I just can sympathize.

~Mel

I am on marriage #3. I have yet to take my husbands last name. I use my maiden name. On FB I have my maiden name and DHs last name hyphenated. I have been thinking about legally changing my name but it is such a pain in the ass to undo it that I'm just not sure.

Why should he be hurt. She has his name, it is just hyphenated with his...He just wants to have it solely and eliminate her past. Not fair. Our names are our identity and should be what makes us comfortable. She wants a link to her children. That is important. I have two last names and use both for different purposes. I wasn't adding a third. That is crazy...Just account changing alone would have been a nightmare. Doesn't mean I love DH more or less. Doesn't mean I am still tied to my late husband. It means I share a name with my son.

I had this same argument with the first husband and finally agreed to hyphenate. I didn't even want to do that. 25 years later that is who I am. Because I fell in love with someone else, I should change my identity again? NO!

He can always take her name. That is done in other countries. I have an uncle who did it when he married my Aunt. Never liked it and liked hers. Thought is was wierd at the time, but if he had nothing that he like about his name, why not?

Ok, so I was starting to feel for you a little (not a lot, just a little) when I saw that you wrote she has no respect for the marriage or your relationship. Um, are your freaking nuts? Please explain to me how changing, not changing, hyphening, or not hyphening a NAME can have anything to do with respect of the marriage? For her sake I hope you understand that her value in the relationship, the respect she has for your marriage and the way she feels about you have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with changing a freakin NAME! Wow! You're dumber than a box of rocks.

Oh and BTW, Should anything at all happen between my DH and myself, you bet your sweet ass I will keep the same name as my kids! Step out of the dark ages moron!

I took DH's last name solely when we got married. BM had kept his last name even after their divorce. She still has it now; refused to change it. Not because she wants to connection to her kids, but because she doesn't want people mistaking me for their mother.

I've been married to DH #2 for 5 years. I JUST (like last week!) changed my name.
But... it's now MAIDEN-DH's last names.
Before, it was FORMER married name.
My kids had their dad's last name - FORMER. I kept the ex's name because I wanted it to be the same as my kids.
Well, through life and the asshat deadbeat my Ex is, my kids wanted -and did- change their last name to my maiden name.
So now asshat's last name is nowhere to be seen. }:)
BTW, it's a royal pain in the ass. Jus' sayin'. Fortunately, my DH couldn't have cared less that I still had ex's name for so long.

>She agreed to drop his name and keep only mine, but she put up a fight and made a big fuse over it and now I feel like, what the hell, if it's such a huge problem to give up your ex's last name just screw it and do whatever the hell you want. Keep his name and don't even bother taking mine. Shit, why are we even married? She has no respect for the marriage or our relationship! I feel belittled, hurt, and unimportant.

Um Seriously, you just gave me a headache with your whiney ass! What a baby!

My wife held on to her old married name for the sake of her kids and hyphened with mine and guess what? I have no problem with it! You know why? Cuz I got BALLs! I am secure enough and man enough to not feel threatened by letters on a piece of papers. Man up ya little pussy!

I never change my name when i get married.

I've still got my exH's last name. We were married 13 years, so that's been my name my entire adult life. It's the name of my (now) grown children. My maiden name was difficult to pronounce, was an alias of a father I never knew, and reflects an ethnicity to which I do not belong. I saw no reason to change back to my maiden name after divorce, no matter how much I hated the exH.

Some day, SO and I might marry. I've told him I would consider it after his youngest is of age (I want to be his wife, not his children's stepmother), so at least another four years (it's already been four). I've also told him that I'm not keen on the idea of changing my name to his. I'd prefer to keep the same name as my sons, not take the name of his (and his exW). He understands. He has actually been considering changing his adopted name to his birth name after his last kid is grown. I would have no problem changing my name to that one, as it would mean a clean start for the both of us.

My mom remarried after my dad changed her name to my now ex stepdad's last name. I always hated it. #1 my stepmom had my last name and people had no idea which one was my biomom #2 and I hated explaining she was bio mom and SM was SM just kinda sucked cause I always felt like explaining it would piss my SM off or hurt my mom. I kept my exh's name I love his family we are still close because of the kids ( I always step aside though if an event happens he's going to with the gf his families one rule is everyone is welcome as long as there's no drama and the gf always wants to start some so I avoid it like an adult)
Anyway the point. I ever marry again I will hypen my name legally with my new spouse being the second of the 2 last names, but plan to use the hypened version only for kid related stuff and new spouse last name for everything else. It's personal by SIL and sister didn't even take their spouses last name at all, neither did SO's ex (so if I marry him I'd be the first Mrs. SO's last name which would I'm sure make him happy) but I'm in no hurry for any of it.

it should be YOUR last name if she is remarried to you.
Then it's great that the idiot BM is tied to YOU!!!

Dude......do you love her less because of her last name???

I kept my maiden name when I remarried. The only person it didn't piss off was my DH. My family has been up in arms about it for five freaking years now. In fact, I after year three of telling my family that I was still Ms. Shaman and to please stop addressing things to Mr. & Mrs. DH, I started returning mail. Christmas cards, birthday cards, letters, anniversary cards. You name it. If it wasn't addressed to DH and Shaman I sent it back.

My DH told me when we got married that he didn't care what my name is, that all that matters is we're married now. If your wife wants the connection to her kids, then what's the big deal about the hyphen? After they turn 18, she can change it to just your last name. Or Rumpelstiltskin for all that it matters.

Relax. She loves you. She married you. In the grand scheme of things, does her last name really matter??

I haven't read all your replies but apparently you hit a nerve.

I told my new wife I would be married to a Mrs. (Maiden name) or Mrs. (My Name). My wife's children were young adults when this happened so they understood what was going on.

She didn't have a middle name so now she's Mrs. First Maiden MyName.

By becoming Mrs. First Ex's YourName perhaps she would be satisfied and the kids would still relate. No hyphen.

Been married for 15 years and I still have not changed my name. Don't plan to either.

Rocker Dad, in your original post, I only see where you refer to this in regards to FB. I would figure if you're married to her you would be aware of whether or not she's kept her ex's name legally...?

Is the issue only with how she has her name on FB?