Do I have a right to keep quiet and not talk to SD
I have an 18 year old SD(brat!) She twists everything we tell her, lies like a trouper, and hates my guts. Fine she can hate me all she wants. She is leaving in 9 1/2 weeks for the army and I have to put up with her till she leaves. Since she finished school, she enlisted because she is not capable of doing college and the army will give her money, health care, roof over her head, & education. I'm praying they give her some sense of respect for others.
Anyway, to try to keep this short, she feels like I'm trying to kick her out because she has 2 responsibilities in the house. Keep her bedroom cleaned up and her bathroom swept everyday since we have the cat's litter box (only place we can put it) in there. She won't scoop, doesn't do any chores, nothing. She has her own car, she pays for her own gas, cause she works part-time. I refuse to pay for her insurance and phone. She pays us NOTHING, fine. But she acts like a real b**ch to me. She yells at her father cause he asks her to clean her room and she then takes it out on both of us. I refuse to speak to her now. I'll answer her only if she asks me something but otherwise I'm not communicating with her. My husband thinks that's childish and that I should talk to her. I will not converse with someone who doesn't respect me. Especially with all she gets away with in the house.
I am disabled with Fibromyalgia, have high blood pressure, and am not well. I work full-time, but come home tired and exhausted. She yells that I'm not sick, I'm faking it, that I don't want to do anything with her or as a family, (duh! we just did something this weekend past, but her memory serves her to her advantage, we did nothing). Am I wrong for not talking to her? Should I suck up to that bratty B**ch? I posted on adult step children more of the story under Upset and need encouragement, last week because she keeps causing havoc between my DH and myself. What do I do? She says she can't wait to leave cause she'll never talk to me again. Good, i won't be missing her! I'm fed up!
Yes you have the right to not
Yes you have the right to not speak to or engage with her. She is in for some hurt when she is in the military, they will not like that attitude at all. Maybe thats what she needs anyway. Maybe she will grow up and be able to appreciate you both more from her experience there. You can only hope. I dont talk to anyone who is an ass to me, whether at home or work. You get what you give. And chores? Dont clean your room or bathroom, and you can get the hell out of here. Nothing is free.
I am so jealous you get to be
I am so jealous you get to be free of yours in weeks and she is going to be sent out into the real world. Mine SD17 is never going to go near something like the army. Guaranteed she like her BM will not work or faff around in some part time charity job. The army will be perfect. Love it. If only I could sign SD up for the same.
You absolutely have a right
You absolutely have a right to disengage from her. Wow, can't believe her dad allows her to get away with this at her age.
RUDE awakening coming for her in less than 10 wks. Boot camp is no picnic, and she will not be permitted to have a bad attitude there. Just too bad you can't be witness to her getting her ass handed to her!
Count down the days. At least they're literally numbered!
~mel
When she gets out of boot
When she gets out of boot camp (lets pray she finishes it) she'll be a different person. But that may or may not apply to you. Give her a chance to redeem herself it could save you a lot of drama and maybe a marriage down the line.
If she fails the homecoming test then tell Daddy she's not welcome in the home.
I honestly hope she learns
I honestly hope she learns something in boot camp. I have 67 days and I'm counting. The sooner she is out the better our marriage will be. She is about to cause a divorce the way it's going. If she flops out of boot camp, she IS NOT welcome in my home. She can run to her half-sister's house that is 4 hours away. I will not allow that child back in my home. She has given me enough stress these last few days/weeks that I'm about to land in the hospital because of her.
She can take a flying leap and I don't care. she tried to talk to me yesterday to resolve the issue and I told her NO, I'm not talking to her right now. She wanted me to listen. I listened and said not a word. She then accuses me of not listening. I told her that I said I'd listen but I wouldn't talk, so be it. I'm not talking. Go back to your room and do whatever you want. She stormed off yelling at me. I don't care. I'm finished with her. I am too old for this s**t that she pulls.
Thanks for letting me vent and get this off my chest. I am glad to see others feel like me. Yeah, I wish I could be a fly on the wall when they yell at her at boot camp. I would love to see her doing 50 pushups the first time she mouths off to them. LOL. I'll keep you posted. Thanks again all!
Hmmmm you're pretty angry to
Hmmmm you're pretty angry to have refused a opportunity to bury the war hatchet.
My advise is still the same. If she reaches out I'd take it sincerely. She's at a point in her life where looking back she can see that she was acting childishly and that adults won't put up with that crap from an adult.
You've made the point that you are over the edge and if you feel you must remain there until she leaves then so be it. But military training so changes people that I strongly urge you to give her the opportunity to show how she has matured when she gets home leave.
Normally recruits are given home leave right after graduation even tho they haven't been in long enough to earn the time off. This often means after they leave the next time they won't get leave for at least another year or longer especially if they're overseas.
Write to her as she approaches graduation and tell her you're willing to let the past remain there. If you do this I can almost guarantee you a different person will arrive at your front door. One probably wearing a single stripe on her arm representing the hard work she has done to accomplish a difficult task.
Plus she may be on her way to a place in the world where people are going to try and kill her and they may very well succeed. Regardless of her destination try and take at least one burden off her back - one she has already tried to discuss with you to no avail.
One thing is for certain if you two succeed in making amends your future life with her as well as your husband will be a lot easier. That is far better than taking out any revenge you think you can extract for her antics as a child.
She will be an adult when she returns - treat her as such and be pleasantly surprised. I guarantee it. You've got months to consider it so don't make a decision now but think it over when you're calmer.