Cut out of life & Christmas
OK, I have a dilemna. SD18 has cut us out of her life mostly due to HS (half-sister) who is controlling her life. HS hates us and feeds SD18 with all kinds of lies even to the point that whatever happened between DH and BM (BM is deceased) via email etc, she is now involving SD in those emails and letters, etc. Really mature of HS. SD is leaving for boot camp in a couple of weeks and refuses to see us before she leaves. She feels she's told her father and I off and is proud of it in that she even posted it on her facebook. Really shows her maturity. NOT!!! Anyway, Christmas is coming. We know she's going to go stay with HS who lives 4 hours away and will not see us during that time. Am I obligated to buy her something? I don't think I should. If DH wants to get her something that will be up to him but I don't feel since she's bad mouthed us to the core badly, that I need to go out of my way and give her something from the heart. She hasn't appreciated all we've done for her these last 2 1/2 years she's lived with us but rather has sided her HS. HS is 14 years her senior thus there is a co-dependency upon SD towards her HS. It's a sick co-dependency on top of it all. She can't do anything without consulting HS.
Anyway, to get to the point, what is my obligation towards her during the holidays? I think there is NON, but I want other's opinions. SD has caused me so much grieve these last few months that I've literally become sick because of her. Am glad she's gone and even though she feels she's staying away the week she's suppose to live with us before leaving for boot camp, I'm thankful she's not coming back. She can stay in a friggen motel with her HS and do as she wishes but she's no longer welcome in our home.
Thoughts anyone? Thanks in advance.
I would not feel the
I would not feel the obligation or the want to get her anything but I'm a bitch like that.
Even if she were a perfect
Even if she were a perfect person, you don't have an obligation to give her a gift.
You have no obligation to
You have no obligation to her. Actually now she is 18, she is an adult and there are no obligations by either of you. It all depends on whether she wants a relationship with her father or not.
I wonder while she is in boot camp she might see things differently and may not listen to her half sister?
So. she treats you like this
So. she treats you like this and you give her a gift. Does that make any sense to you. Rewarding appalling behavior would be like saying to her thank you for the way you have treated us. You were right to do so. Here is a gift do you will know we are contrite. NO you have no obligations to her. Gifts are a privellage not a God given right
Thank you all for confirming
Thank you all for confirming my thoughts. I don't intend to get her anything. Especially since she doesn't want to spend time with us or see us. She's made her bed, let her sleep in it as I say. LOL Her bed is with her HS not us. There is a sick relationship there but who knows what it is or if it will fall apart one day. That will be a glorious day when she realizes what her HS is really all about. She is about destroying SD and her family. But SD is too young to see it.
HS is one sick puppy in my books.
Anyway, thanks again. Appreciate your comments and thoughts.
Yeah, I doubt she'll change
Yeah, I doubt she'll change especially since she's tied to the hip of her HS. Her HS is a real witch with a capital "B". But that is one less person I'll have to think about for Christmas. She's ruined the little family we had here in town due to her lying and manipulating when she was here so this Christmas and Thanksgiving are going to be very lonely and quiet for us. Part of that makes me sad that the rest of the family (especially certain ones) didn't see through her act. Others did but because of one, we'll not be able to be in family gatherings. OH well, we'll go see a movie on those days instead and enjoy each other's company. LOL.
I'm just glad she's out of our lives and hopefully will stay that way.
Appreciate the comments though! Thanks
You may be pleasantly
You may be pleasantly surprised with the holidays. My SD19 did the exact same thing last year with turning family, friends and neighbors against us with her lies and manipulation - even joined the Army just like your SD is doing.
While it has been tough having so many people hate us for things that we never did and not having contact with DH's family, our holidays this past year were the first peaceful holidays we've really ever had together. Instead of having to worry about all of the backstabbing, hateful stares and drama during the holidays, we were able to have a very nice time with people who actually cared for each other and loved each other. I would think pretty much anyone would rather spend the holidays with people they care about and who care about them than to spend the holidays with people who can't stand them simply because they're related.
As others have said, your SD is an adult now and she really needs to be treated as one. That being said, if you wouldn't buy a gift for any other adult that treated you as badly as your SD has treated you, then there's certainly no reason to buy her a gift simply because she is your DH's daughter.
IMHO, my SD19 being out of our lives is the best gift she could possibly give DH, BD10 and I after all that she's done to us. Maybe you'll get lucky and your SD will give you and DH the same gift this year!
Yeah- you owe her nothing.
Yeah- you owe her nothing. Sit back and enjoy your life - use your resources on the people who love you and you love too.
Congratulations on this early
Congratulations on this early Christmas gift!!!
Good riddance to both the half sister and SD. Make sure they stay gone and write them off until they demonstrate maturity and are no longer toxic.
You and DH focus on living your best lives together and do not beat yourselves up over these POS spawn of a POS BM. The elder BM spawn is proof that BM was a POS and sadly that POS half sister is dragging your SD into the same shit puddle of shit gene pool performance that BM and elder half sister have embraced.
Any communciation with SD and her POS half sister should include drowning them both in the stench of their shallow and polluted BM infected gene pool. WHen they float their stench, shove their heads under the surface of that cesspool they wallow in.
Live well. It is the best revenge. Enjoy living that revenge and enjoy your toxic spawn free life togther.
And no, no gifts. Send a card expressing pride in SD's service and regrets that she is wallowing in the shit her sister and their mother created.. Nothing more. Period. Dot. Lather, rinse, repeat until SD grows up and into a decent person. As unlikely as that may be.