Perhaps you should ask yourself why you are so bitter about your ex? And if he does remarry, are you going to be the type of ex-wife that we on this site complain about all the time?
I REALLY want my ex to be happy. He is a good dad. He is a good person, we had a toxic relationship and completely brought out the worst in each other. We are both better people now that we don't have to live with each other.
I don't think it is uncommon for people to feel this way. It really depends on what happened to cause the divorce I would think.
Even though my ex was a verbally abusive alcoholic that cheated on me, he has taken the steps to become a better person. Just 8 years too late. I wish him the best and forgive him for everything that happened in our marriage. It took a long time to get to this point, but I want him to be happy. When he is happy my kids are happy. I can't say that I would feel the same if he didn't have my kids half of their lives. I might not give a rats ass
Not trying to judge....I simply don't understand bitterness. I view it as a waste of energy.
I don't understand your comment: "its about how my future husbands ex" Your original post reads as though it IS about you.
However, to answer your question: no. I don't want my ex to be alone & miserable. Again, waste of energy. He's a decent human being and would make the right woman a good husband....I'm just not that woman. He & I are still friends. We raised a child together, and for the sake of that child my ex & I prefer to keep things as positive as possible.
mmmmm...yeah, I want him to be happy. He has hurt me to the depths of my soul and back - but, somehow (surprising even to ME), at the end of the day, that is NOT what it is about.
He has a good heart - someplace under all that STUPID. I actually WORRY about him - but a couple of the kids (his oldest and our son) sort of look after him concerning certain things - like his second son and other people ripping him off financially, etc. Not that he will LISTEN to them - but at least they try.
He is planning his wedding to WIFE NUMBER FIVE and we aren't even officially divorced yet. That concerns me but it is NOT my business - so I will remain concerned - but SILENT and INVISIBLE. All the "children" are all well into adulthood - so that isn't part of the issue.
Same here. My first husband and I married young and for the wrong reasons. We realized we wanted different things from life (I wanted kids, he changed his mind about wanting them 3 years into our marriage).
We parted ways on good terms. I don't keep in touch with him, but I do hope he's happy. He was a good guy, just not the right one for me.
Kristin, exactly how I look at it. My ex is my son's father. "People" have their opinions on how I should feel, what I should say about him, etc. NOPE. If I don't have something good to say, I don't say anything (except on this site!!) and I demonstrate only respect and good will for him around my (adult) children.
Well, since you didn't say divorced women with kids, I guess I am ok to answer.
Yes, I hope my ex all the best. He was a rather big ahole, beat me up a couple of times, was very jealous, treated me like crap when his family was around, very controlling...but he, like everyone, had also his good points. At the end, I am very thankful he walked out and realized that we would never see eye to eye.
With that said, I helped him AFTER our divorce when he had no car, no money and no place to live. I allowed him to move back in, he actually slept in MY bedroom and I slept on the couch lol (shows you how he was)...I guess he thought maybe we would get back together, but I was always firm and polite letting him know it would not happen. I gave him 2K and co-signed a car loan for him and after 6 months of him living there, I also helped him get a job, I told him it was time he got out and started again...he was again back on his feet. I only demanded that the car loan be changed to his name only, etc. which he could do then and that was it.
He called me every once in a while when he was down and I gave him advice as a friend. We even traveled once to see my elderly grandparents out of the country just so they would see he was ok and I was ok...we slept in different rooms, my grandparents were very happy that we visited and did so well being divorced and friends.
Once he called me and I left a message and when I called back a girl answered the phone and "claimed to be his girlfriend". I apologized to her, wished her well, didn't even tell her that "he had called me" and never heard from him again.
Last I heard he got married just about 4-5 yrs ago and we divorced over 16 yrs ago! lol
So, yes, some of us do NOT wish them bad. He gave me a great gift, the best in the world...FREEDOM!
I'm not tied to my ex with kids. I've had 12 years for the anger & pain to fade. I know where he is in his life & given what I see from a distance, it seems he's trying to be a good person. He has a son, but is no longer with the mother.
I hope, for the sake of his child, that he is happy.
That said, as far as BM, I go through phases. When I feel sorry for her I feel sincere in hoping she finds happiness. When she pisses me off again, I find myself wishing a long painful death on her. I imagine her too weak to speak as I lean over & whisper that I will teach her kids to call me "mom". LOL!
Obviously, it would hurt the kids to experience that, so I do my best to love them more than I hate her.
Well - I don't wish him to be unhappy but... I was hoping that after the divorce he would stop being a lazy, not working, mooch. i was hopeful that once he was forced to work by the situation that he would step up and see what it took to be a proper provider and learn to curb his materialistic ways.
His materialistic ways and constant spending what he doesn't have is a very BAD thing my girls are learning. I do everything in my power to counter that by teaching to live on what you have, within your means and that stuff is just stuff.
So - yeah, it pisses me off that he didnt' change his ways at all and is getting away with it. Although there is noone to bail him out so eventually all his maxed out credit cards and overspending on things will catch up to him in time.
The problem is, as much as I WISH he'd learn his lesson and be forced to grow up - his unhappiness or bad situation effects my kids.
So ultimately I do not wish unhappiness on him - i am embarassed on behalf of my children who I picked to be their bf - that is all.
I honestly could care less. I don't care for him to be happy and I don't care enough for him to be sad. I only care about the kids that we have together.
I don't have any feelings for my exh at all so I think it makes it easy for me to wish him a good life. He was terrible to me, is an alcoholic and is usually a disaster. He got remarried and had a baby. I honestly hoped he would change for our daughters sake. I talked to his mom the other day and things are not good. He might get divorced. I am sad for him. I was hoping he would turn his life around. I think it takes more energy to hold onto hurt and bitter feelings then to just let it go. I let it go a long time ago. I am happy with my DH and the kids are happy and healthy and thats all I care about.
My ex and I had no children together, so we have no ties. I haven't seen him since the day the divorce was finalized. If I saw him on the street I'm not sure if I would even say anything to him. If we had kids it would be different, but I'd like to think I wouldn't care enough about him to know if he was happy or not.
I want my ex to suffer the way he made me suffer, I want every ounce of hurt and soul shattering pain he heaped on me to be brutally fed to him by force. I want this because of the horrible crap he put me through. I know why, I'm not ashamed of it he deserves it. But I'm not going to sink to his level and cause it myself. Life and guilt and karma I believe will pay him back, and I won't waste my life, my time one more second on him. So yes I wish him ill, and no I won't be a part of it. I just wish he'd give a damn about his kids and stop using me as the reason they know it isn't true by MY actions, my words. He just will never accept his responsibility and accept he's at fault for where he ended up in life. I give my kids unlimited access to their dad, he tells them I'm lying he can't trust that I'd let him have them extra, mind you I can see his house from my front yard the kids are 11 and 16, they can walk there anytime they want I will let them no problem. But the 1 time they did he yelled at them for it and they haven't bothered since. He's never asked for extra except once because his friends backed out of a concert so he asked 1 time in 3 years for our DD I said yes absolutely she went, somehow though he wants people to believe I wouldn't let him have them extra. And that pisses me off.
Perhaps you should ask
Perhaps you should ask yourself why you are so bitter about your ex? And if he does remarry, are you going to be the type of ex-wife that we on this site complain about all the time?
I REALLY want my ex to be
I REALLY want my ex to be happy. He is a good dad. He is a good person, we had a toxic relationship and completely brought out the worst in each other. We are both better people now that we don't have to live with each other.
just tired -not looking to be
just tired -not looking to be judged .
this isnt about me. i have no children. i have NO contact with my ex.
its about how my future husbands ex - thank you
I don't think it is uncommon
I don't think it is uncommon for people to feel this way. It really depends on what happened to cause the divorce I would think.
Even though my ex was a verbally abusive alcoholic that cheated on me, he has taken the steps to become a better person. Just 8 years too late. I wish him the best and forgive him for everything that happened in our marriage. It took a long time to get to this point, but I want him to be happy. When he is happy my kids are happy. I can't say that I would feel the same if he didn't have my kids half of their lives. I might not give a rats ass
Not trying to judge....I
Not trying to judge....I simply don't understand bitterness. I view it as a waste of energy.
I don't understand your comment: "its about how my future husbands ex" Your original post reads as though it IS about you.
However, to answer your question: no. I don't want my ex to be alone & miserable. Again, waste of energy. He's a decent human being and would make the right woman a good husband....I'm just not that woman. He & I are still friends. We raised a child together, and for the sake of that child my ex & I prefer to keep things as positive as possible.
mmmmm...yeah, I want him to
mmmmm...yeah, I want him to be happy. He has hurt me to the depths of my soul and back - but, somehow (surprising even to ME), at the end of the day, that is NOT what it is about.
He has a good heart - someplace under all that STUPID. I actually WORRY about him - but a couple of the kids (his oldest and our son) sort of look after him concerning certain things - like his second son and other people ripping him off financially, etc. Not that he will LISTEN to them - but at least they try.
He is planning his wedding to WIFE NUMBER FIVE and we aren't even officially divorced yet. That concerns me but it is NOT my business - so I will remain concerned - but SILENT and INVISIBLE. All the "children" are all well into adulthood - so that isn't part of the issue.
Same here. My first husband
Same here. My first husband and I married young and for the wrong reasons. We realized we wanted different things from life (I wanted kids, he changed his mind about wanting them 3 years into our marriage).
We parted ways on good terms. I don't keep in touch with him, but I do hope he's happy. He was a good guy, just not the right one for me.
Kristin, exactly how I look
Kristin, exactly how I look at it. My ex is my son's father. "People" have their opinions on how I should feel, what I should say about him, etc. NOPE. If I don't have something good to say, I don't say anything (except on this site!!) and I demonstrate only respect and good will for him around my (adult) children.
thanks girls
thanks girls
Well, since you didn't say
Well, since you didn't say divorced women with kids, I guess I am ok to answer.
Yes, I hope my ex all the best. He was a rather big ahole, beat me up a couple of times, was very jealous, treated me like crap when his family was around, very controlling...but he, like everyone, had also his good points. At the end, I am very thankful he walked out and realized that we would never see eye to eye.
With that said, I helped him AFTER our divorce when he had no car, no money and no place to live. I allowed him to move back in, he actually slept in MY bedroom and I slept on the couch lol (shows you how he was)...I guess he thought maybe we would get back together, but I was always firm and polite letting him know it would not happen. I gave him 2K and co-signed a car loan for him and after 6 months of him living there, I also helped him get a job, I told him it was time he got out and started again...he was again back on his feet. I only demanded that the car loan be changed to his name only, etc. which he could do then and that was it.
He called me every once in a while when he was down and I gave him advice as a friend. We even traveled once to see my elderly grandparents out of the country just so they would see he was ok and I was ok...we slept in different rooms, my grandparents were very happy that we visited and did so well being divorced and friends.
Once he called me and I left a message and when I called back a girl answered the phone and "claimed to be his girlfriend". I apologized to her, wished her well, didn't even tell her that "he had called me" and never heard from him again.
Last I heard he got married just about 4-5 yrs ago and we divorced over 16 yrs ago! lol
So, yes, some of us do NOT wish them bad.
He gave me a great gift, the best in the world...FREEDOM!
I'm not tied to my ex with
I'm not tied to my ex with kids. I've had 12 years for the anger & pain to fade. I know where he is in his life & given what I see from a distance, it seems he's trying to be a good person. He has a son, but is no longer with the mother.
I hope, for the sake of his child, that he is happy.
That said, as far as BM, I go through phases. When I feel sorry for her I feel sincere in hoping she finds happiness. When she pisses me off again, I find myself wishing a long painful death on her. I imagine her too weak to speak as I lean over & whisper that I will teach her kids to call me "mom". LOL!
Obviously, it would hurt the kids to experience that, so I do my best to love them more than I hate her.
Well - I don't wish him to be
Well - I don't wish him to be unhappy but...
I was hoping that after the divorce he would stop being a lazy, not working, mooch. i was hopeful that once he was forced to work by the situation that he would step up and see what it took to be a proper provider and learn to curb his materialistic ways.
His materialistic ways and constant spending what he doesn't have is a very BAD thing my girls are learning. I do everything in my power to counter that by teaching to live on what you have, within your means and that stuff is just stuff.
So - yeah, it pisses me off that he didnt' change his ways at all and is getting away with it. Although there is noone to bail him out so eventually all his maxed out credit cards and overspending on things will catch up to him in time.
The problem is, as much as I WISH he'd learn his lesson and be forced to grow up - his unhappiness or bad situation effects my kids.
So ultimately I do not wish unhappiness on him - i am embarassed on behalf of my children who I picked to be their bf - that is all.
He set our house on fire,
He set our house on fire, killed the dog, destroyed my finances, & obliterated forever my chance to become a mother. I do not wish him well.
I honestly could care less.
I honestly could care less. I don't care for him to be happy and I don't care enough for him to be sad. I only care about the kids that we have together.
That is the truth!
I don't have any feelings for
I don't have any feelings for my exh at all so I think it makes it easy for me to wish him a good life. He was terrible to me, is an alcoholic and is usually a disaster. He got remarried and had a baby. I honestly hoped he would change for our daughters sake. I talked to his mom the other day and things are not good. He might get divorced. I am sad for him. I was hoping he would turn his life around. I think it takes more energy to hold onto hurt and bitter feelings then to just let it go. I let it go a long time ago. I am happy with my DH and the kids are happy and healthy and thats all I care about.
My ex and I had no children
My ex and I had no children together, so we have no ties. I haven't seen him since the day the divorce was finalized. If I saw him on the street I'm not sure if I would even say anything to him. If we had kids it would be different, but I'd like to think I wouldn't care enough about him to know if he was happy or not.
Don't care one way or the
Don't care one way or the other. Which is probably why we are not together anymore.
Frankly, I don't care -
Frankly, I don't care - that's the power of divorce.
I want my ex to suffer the
I want my ex to suffer the way he made me suffer, I want every ounce of hurt and soul shattering pain he heaped on me to be brutally fed to him by force. I want this because of the horrible crap he put me through. I know why, I'm not ashamed of it he deserves it. But I'm not going to sink to his level and cause it myself. Life and guilt and karma I believe will pay him back, and I won't waste my life, my time one more second on him. So yes I wish him ill, and no I won't be a part of it. I just wish he'd give a damn about his kids and stop using me as the reason they know it isn't true by MY actions, my words. He just will never accept his responsibility and accept he's at fault for where he ended up in life. I give my kids unlimited access to their dad, he tells them I'm lying he can't trust that I'd let him have them extra, mind you I can see his house from my front yard the kids are 11 and 16, they can walk there anytime they want I will let them no problem. But the 1 time they did he yelled at them for it and they haven't bothered since. He's never asked for extra except once because his friends backed out of a concert so he asked 1 time in 3 years for our DD I said yes absolutely she went, somehow though he wants people to believe I wouldn't let him have them extra. And that pisses me off.
Karma takes too long. I want
Karma takes too long. I want faster results. }:)