BM Issues
I have 4 stepchildren, 2 of which are grown and 2 are at home with us. These 2 visit their BM every other weekend because of her inability to feed and house them. She has lived 5 differnt places (that I am aware of) in the past 2 1/2 months. One of these places was a hotel. The others are friends / relatives or whomever will take her in. Each time the kids visit her, SD 13 takes her cell phone and is told to call if they do not have a place to sleep, food to eat, or if there is shady business taking place. Again, for the 900th time (at least) SD came home from this weekend and was overheard telling her friend that she stayed the weekend in a tent. No, they were not camping. The tent was in someone's yard for the purpose of housing BM and kids. SD did not call home. SS 7 may also have been subjected to this. SD had mosquito bites everywhere but couldn't come up with where they could have came from. She constantly covers for BM. It should be stated that BM actually has visitation every weekend 3 pm Friday till 6 pm Monday. Because of the above, we have decreased the visitation more and more. It hasn't been a legal issue since she knows she wouldn't have a leg to stand on. She has no education, no driver's license, no job, and no home. Because of how SD covers for BM, we already know things would get harry if we stopped visitation completely. She would hate us and make our lives hell.I hate that BM is worthless and I hate that SD allows these things to happen to SS and not call us. I am also so very sick of SD lying to me. (She lies about eveything, not just BM). Any suggestions?
P.S. BM= Biological mother and Bowel Movement
I am sorta goin through the
I am sorta goin through the same thing (other than BM being homeless). BM is so worthless that she should be sterilized. She does not know what parenting means and 3 years ago kidnapped SS8 (he was 5 at the time) and moved out of state. He recently came back to our state (april 2012) and we have been stuck fixing all of the issues she created, including lying. Over the 3 years SS8 was with BM she refused visitations. We even offered to buy the plane ticket. 2 months after SS8 arrival BM moved back into the state. Oh,yes let me note that the only reason she returned him is becuase she got into trouble for not sending him to school and the state threathend foster care. He was completely unkept, etc.
After everything that she has done she is still getting visitations, DH does not know how to say no. The worse part is that SS8 speaks so highly of her and talks about her all the time. I just want to smack the words right out of his mouth. I hate hearing him glorify BM like that becuase she has emotionally (refuses to show any affection) and socially destroyed this child.
As for the lying, we have also been dealing with that. When it happens I explain to SS8 that it unacceptable behavior and I discipline him. I have had to do this many times and it seems like a never ending battle. I have also explained to him that I am more upset when SS8 lies than when he tells the truth. Unfortunately, kids do lie and sometimes there is nothing we can do about it.
Worse comes to worse you can always call CPS on BM and get her parental rights stripped. Your SD's don't have to know that it was you that called and reported neglect/abuse. I tried to do this after hearing SS8 BM wanted to buy him pepperspray, but apparently offering a child a dangerous weapon is not serious enough for an investigation.
The worse part is that SS8
The worse part is that SS8 speaks so highly of her and talks about her all the time. I just want to smack the words right out of his mouth. I hate hearing him glorify BM like that becuase she has emotionally (refuses to show any affection) and socially destroyed this child.
WHY, WHY, WHY can't our skids see ANY FAULT IN THEIR BM????????? THEY HATE US INSTEAD AND WE TAKE CARE OF THEM ALTHOUGH THEY ARE NOT EVEN OURS!!!!!!
I think it is the whole "no
I think it is the whole "no good deed shall go unpunished thing" Not only do we remind them of everything he bio parents aren't, but we are actually "safe"... they trust us enough not to become their bio parents... in a totally f*&^$# up way.
Well said!! Even if we are
Well said!! Even if we are doing the minimum in taking care of them, we are still doing a world more than what many BMs are doing for their kids these days...what gives??!
DBM should be the new word...DeadBeat Mom.
I have no idea why they can't
I have no idea why they can't realize it. I think it's that natural bond that forms between BM and child. I also think that they are just way too young to know whats good for them. I mean my ss8 is convinced his mother is the greatest becuase she buys his love. But at the same time she pretty much ignores him during the whole visitation and would rather throw him in front of a video game than talk to him or pay him attention.
Its completely opposite here: video games are a privledge not a right. For that matter, he hasn't even earned his TV back yet becuase he still gets poop in his pants every time he returns from her house. Yet, he can keep himself clean the entire week he is here?