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I want to approach BM

Tessa1221's picture

Do I'm tired of BM thinking she's the boss and anytime it's day when we need to meet she makes a huge excuse and we have to work around her schedule so my bf can net her. I'm tired if it and she needs to get over the fact that I'm not leaving. How do I approach her about this? And let her know about future situations to let her know I don't bite. I'm a ginuine person she's the crazy one making up stories about me. Crazy that I'm still the nice one? Hah

StickAFork's picture

You can't "let" or not let BM do something. You may have good reasons, but good intentions have been known to backfire.

Let sleeping, smelly dogs lie Smile

Tessa1221's picture

Okay I will keep it the way it is and stay away and keep hide out in the house hahah I've been wanting to go outside and say hello your at my house you know care to say hi and thank me for watching your daughter!!!!

SMof2Girls's picture

Yup.

Disneyfan's picture

Bad idea. She doesn't ever have to speak you. Just as you don't have to speak to her if you don't want to.

Unless BM is asking you to watch her child, you shouldn't expect her to thank you.

MacMom's picture

Tessa, you so seem eager to cause a stir with her rather than just be the bigger girl and let her throw her tantrums by herself. The ladies so far are giving you good consistent advise for the past few days - leave TM alone and let your BF deal with her. He f****d her, he can fix it. You know? If he doesn't have the spine to buffer and protect you from this terror, lady it won't get any better if you stay with him you are only asking for a life of frustration.

TM did not ask for you to be in her child's life or hers. She does not have to thank you.

BuffaloGal's picture

Honestly, if I were a BM, and my ex's new SO got in my bubble, I'm not sure how friendly I'd be, and I'm not crazy. (No, really!) My best friend just started dating a guy with kids, and she was put out that the BM didn't wave at her when she dropped off the kids. I told her she needs to let that shit go. Looking for trouble is silly in this situation - it will find you soon enough without seeking the drama.

And unless she specifically asks YOU to watch her kids, she's probably not "thankful" that you are.

Granted, dtzyblnd has a great relationship with her bios' SM. But then, dtzy is amazing, and was willing to work with the SM. Your BM may be less amazing.

Orange County Ca's picture

Definitely nothing negative is to be discussed with the BM. That can only work in that extremely rare instance where the two mothers have both kept their egos's out of it and have gotten along for months if not years.

Extremely rare - I've only read about one relationship like that although I'm sure there are others. If you want to start out really friendly give it a try but be prepared for her to bite your head off in which case you must bite your tongue and back off.

SMof2Girls's picture

You will have more power and control over her if you don't speak to her at all .. in person, on the phone, in text, or in email. Eliminate her from your mind and it will drive her insane. If that's what you want, anyway.

Crazy can't be negotiated or reasoned with. She won't level with you and treat the situation like an adult. It's possible she doesn't even know how to do that in this situation. Too much emotion, hurt, anger, bitterness involved.

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

I tried both sides of this over the past year and can tell you for fact that eliminating the BM COMPLETELY out of your life will drive her insane and back her off. I tried the civil route and I could tell that BM was only using me as a babysitter and to spy on this house and my husband. She was even stalking me on facebook. I blocked her on FB and she literally was ringing my phone off of the hook, not an hour later. She tried to call here a few more times, and email, no replies from me, she is getting the message.

BM's are toxic. When you cut their lifeline off, the go nuts. They will use a SM up, if you let them. Make DH deal with her, you will only be blamed if anything goes wrong. Don't do it!

Tessa1221's picture

So BM came by today to pick up SD, I was the only one home. This was very interesting to me. She did not look at me in the eye once when she spoke to me. I thought this was very strange, I now know she will not be an adult about this situation.

BuffaloGal's picture

She might just feel really awkward. I don't know how much eye contact I have with my skids' BM when we run into each other . . . we've never had any kind of problems, it's just uncomfortable. It's nothing personal, we're not rude to each other, (polite, actually), I don't dislike her, but I always feel like I've been holding my breath when she leaves. Seriously, don't let this become a big thing to you. For your own sanity, just be glad she's not acting all hostile and crazy to you.