For SM's who inherited skids BEFORE biokids ..
Did you hit a point where you felt like after having the skids around all the time, that you didn't want biokids of your own anymore?
DH and I had a very interesting conversation last night where I found myself convincing myself that I didn't really want kids of my own anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love DH and his kids .. I have great relationships with all of them. I just think about our current schedules and the chaos that is our household sometimes. Neither of us can afford to quit our jobs, so staying at home isn't an option.
So there's additional costs, responsibilities, etc when you bring in a new baby. And our skids are currently 4 and 6. So they'd be way older than a new sibling. Also, DH had a vascetomy after his youngest was born, so we'd be facing HUGE challenges to even concieve, or try adoption.
I feel like I'm at the point now where I'm not sure all the benefits of having another kid in the house outweigh the costs, struggles, and resulting stress to get us there?
DH would support me either way .. to clarify, it was a very casual conversation, we weren't making any decisions; just reflecting on our lives and thinking about the future.
Did you go through this? What was the result?
The cost of raising the baby
The cost of raising the baby isn't what so much concerns me (I'm a WICKED couponer
)
It's the cost of a reverse vascetomy (not covered by insurance) .. assuming that even works. And if it doesn't work we'd be facing adoption, which we likely won't really be able to afford for several years after draining savings on the reversal *sigh*
I think when you marry a man
I think when you marry a man who's been "fixed" you acknowledge a very real possibility of not having bios.
Really, kids are a lot of work and very expensive. If skids scratch that "kid itch" for you, then save yourself the expense and headache of trying to reverse the big V.
Before the skids, I always
Before the skids, I always wanted kids of my own. It was the reason my first husband and I divorced. He changed his mind about wanting them 3 years into our marriage.
DH had both of his kids very young. He was 20 when his first was born, 22 when the second was born and he got the v. It was a mixture of reasons, but a big factor was that he knew his ex-wife kept turning up pregnant whenever the marriage was on the rocks. He never intended to divorce her, but he didn't want having babies to become the balm that soothed their marital problems either.
Plus, she is in the Navy, so she was consistently taking deployments and leaving him with the kids on his own.
I knew all this when I married him, and we've talked about different options. Maybe not a reversal, maybe it's adoption. Or maybe nothing at all.
My DH had his vasectomy at 23
My DH had his vasectomy at 23 after 2 kids, didn't want the now ex-wife to have anymore. She remarried and had 2 more kids, which is fine. DH and I have talked about it numerous times and I just turned 32, so if we decide to do it, it will be very soon.
But skids are 10 and 11 and I think, by the age of 40, I will have grow skids and DH could retire (he is military). So do I want to try and have my own now?? It's a very hard decision to make. I have lots of nephews that I spoil rotten and can send them home!!
My skids have been out here with us since beginning of July (we only get them in the summer) and they won't be gone till the end of this month, and I'm already exhausted!! Can I do this with a newborn?? I'll keep praying and hopefully I'll get me answer. LOL
I had both skids full time
I had both skids full time for a few years before we had BS. I never waivered in my desire to become a mom. But, had I not gotten pregnant when I did, I probably would have changed my mind. The skids are so awful that about half way through my pregnancy I had convinced myself that I just must not like kids. I was constantly aggitated by the skids and all the demands put on me in regards to them. But thankfully, its not that I dislike kids, its that I dislike misbehaving brats, lol. I absolutely adore being a mother to my own kids. It is a completely different world to stepparenting.
I have 3 skids and I was
I have 3 skids and I was completely content with it. I never planned on bearing children (I was not supposed to be able to conceive in the first place and I always loved the idea of adopting), so it seemed like a fine situation to me when DH and I got serious. Fast forward further into our relationship, after we had a good routine going with skids, we talked multiple times about how, wow, it really seemed to work for us. It would be wonderful to have them all the time, but having them half of the time some how was a great balance for us and we both felt like we were more patient, attentive, and productive with our time with them. On top of that, we had no shortage of "couple time" which kept us strong and kept pressure off of me being new in the stepmom roll. Bahaha! Fast forward again and what is my deal, why do I feel like straight crap? Oh, PREGNANT. I wasn't excited to be honest. Fertile Myrtle (DH) was all about it. I liked what we had, and just being a stepmom was enough to fulfill my maternal needs. It only took a week or two after finding out for me to grasp the idea and be happy with it but yes, honestly, having the skids before having (or wanting for that matter) my own made it much less appealing. I'm due next month and we still do a little "oh sh*t" every once in a while, like, dang, soon it's farewell "best of both worlds" haha. Upside, we can raise our child together without the interference of skids' crazy BM. That in itself is exciting LOL. And, since I'm being brutally honest I might as well be a little petty...the skids are adorable, and BM is not attractive physically (or otherwise!!!)...so how stinking cute can this baby be?!
That is a definite downside.
That is a definite downside. Also, wondering what our relationships will be like as they become adults...kids can be really selfish in early adulthood...not visiting or calling their parents often...geez where will that leave me as just stepmom? Despite loving and caring for them and helping to raise them like they are my own it doesn't make it so. Regardless if we contribute more to their upbringing than their BM, we are not a substitute, only supplementary.