If he's 8 months old, you shouldn't be spanking him and neither should anyone else.

Just because you CAN do something, doesn't mean you SHOULD.

You're asking for trouble. The mother has made it clear to both you and the father that she is fine with you punishing the child as long as you don't hit him. You seem hell bent on doing just that.

Since you seem happy to be able to hit a child, I hope you will be happy to hit an adult as well. Many parents are willing to fight over people hitting their kids.

No one should spank a baby. Babies do not have the ability to understand behavioral consequences so punishment serves no purpose. Please read up on child development. Your actions are inappropriate and seemed to be motivated by spite. Certainly you are not acting in the best interest of the infant.

Shame on you!

No child, let alone baby should be spanked. It is only uneducated, immoral and unintelligent people that spank. I don't care what degree you have or what university you went to...you are seriously lacking basic education. One day it will be illegal to spank any child. I think this will happen in the UK before the US though as it seems a lot more common in the US.

It is beyond my understanding how people can justify it to themselves. If anyone spanked my child there would be hell to pay. I would phone the police and report them for assaulting a child.

This poor baby should be given to a loving family who actually know how to raise children the right way.

This can't be real. What real person would rejoice at discovering that it's legal to hit a baby? I am pro-spanking, but this is reprehensible.

And, OP, if you are real, you should know babies don't have the ability to connect cause and effect until they're about a year old. They further don't even begin to develop impulse control until they're about 18 mo.s. These are child rearing basics; if you don't know them, you should kindly excuse yourself from this baby's life.

I haven't read all the posts here but wanted to say that after raising a disabled child I finally figured out that the BEST for of discipline was POSITIVE RE-ENFORCEMENT works far better then spanking. I was spenked as a child and in every case I don't remember the misdeed that got me in trouble, I just remember the emotional pain it caused me to be spanked. I did swat my children a few times out of sheer frustration, but I never spanked them. My kids have all grown up to be very respectful teens. Spanking is wrong. The adult is bigger and stronger and the child has no way of defending or being safe - it's just never a good thing to spank. Cause and affect discipline is the best alternative. Spanking infants makes me feel very sad. Infants have no way of knowing why they are being hurt. They have needs and should always be kept safe and know they are loved.

OMG, this is such a hot topic for me

If my DH and I split up, I would not want anyone spanking my DS except his father, and I don't even agree with HIM doing it. But I would pray his love would temper anything he would do.

BM is right to ask this. You could be mad and/or hate your SS enough to really hurt them so why would you need or want to hold back?

I am not saying you would really want to hurt the kid or that you are a mean abuser, but it should totally be a no-no.

If ANYONE hits my kid, I am going after them. Period.

Again, JMHO

>>>she told DH, that she doesn't mind if DH family (dad,mom, aunts, uncles) spanked SS<<<
>>>with DH permission I'm free to spank as a form of punishment<<<

Well goody for you! Now your life has meaning and you can move forward knowing you are in a long line of people allowed to take a whack at this kid.

I live in Brooklyn, New York. When I see Hispanic, I think Puerto Rican or a Domincan. I don't even think Mexican until I see the location.

Pretty\ugly never occured to me.

The things that did pop out at me were petty, insecure, lack of experience, gloat and karma.

If this guy cheated on the BM and left her with a kids, he won't think twice about doing the same to the OP.

There are no definitive studies on the subject that I'm aware of. It would take 40years to follow a huge number of just born babies to mid-life. Half spanked and half not - to see how the generation turned out.

But gut feelings tells me that as a step-parent you are headed for trouble.

I'm glad you clarified a little. Its good you are going to read some books on the subject. Do so soon. Hopefully you can encourage your dh to raise ss the right way by not spanking.

Whether spanking is right isn't even debatable. It is wrong 100% of the time. The people who think its right just haven't educated themselves enough on the subject of child development and child psychology.

Maybe they won't and you will. that would make her very reasonable.

Look over the custody papers very carefully here. If there is anything stating that only the bm and bd can issue corporal punishment, you are walking on thin ice here. If the bm has expressed she does not want you issuing corporal punishment to her child, then you cannot. Now, am I seeing this right? This is a baby? Why in the world would there be an appropriate time to spank a baby?! That is uncalled for. Perhaps a light swat on the hand or a firm shaking of the finger with a stern "no." But spanking? No way!!! I do agree with spanking myself. I believe however that it is not appropriate for everything and absolutely not in any way appropriate for a baby! I was spanked as a kid and I turned out just fine. Be very cautious here again. You could open a can of worms here.

Most of you don't understand the whole goal of spanking. It's not to inflict pain, it’s to gain compliance and recognition of your authority from the child.

A 14 month old can’t do that. Hitting them can “train” them to not do something just like hitting a dog.

With a child and especially a teen, the most important part of spanking is gaining compliance. It’s the whole process:
- The child acknowledges what they did wrong and the result is a spanking
- In the old days, the child went to get the paddle or belt or cut a switch
- The child assumes the position without arguing or whining
- The child is hit
- The chld acknowledges again what they did wrong and what will happen if they do it again
- In the old days, the child returned the belt or paddle.

When my father used to spank me and my siblings, it was always with a paddle. As long as my sisters and I did what we were told and didn't fight the spanking, my dad barely hit us. His whole goal was to gain control and compliance.

With my brother, he challenged our dad, fought and argued and wouldn’t assume the position. My father ended up using a rod on him. When my brother was about 15 and in his teenage rebellion, our dad did that every day until he would follow the procedure and submitted to his spankings without saying a word and completely submitted to his authority and acknowledged that he deserved to be beaten for what he had done. It took about 2 or 3 weeks.

Now you can’t do that, but that was what turned my brother around. He acknowledged that my father was boss and he was to do what his father said or he would beat his bottom black and blue so he couldn’t sit for a month. My brother turned out fine but that never would have happened if our dad didn't get tough with him. My mom calls it beating Jesus into him. LOL.

Things wouldn’t be the same with former SD16 if her father had spanked her the way my father spanked my brother.

With stepparents, it would be nice to be able to do that since we have no authority and no way to force compliance when the bioparents won’t do it.

Things wouldn't be the way they are with your former SD if her father had been a parent from day one.

I wonder how many SPs that are so willing to spank their SKs are willing to fight the BPs as well. If BM's SO ever hit one of DF's girls, he will beat the hell out of him.

The poster, her "sexy AA" husband, and his ex all sound like a bunch of 12 year olds. I have never in my life heard of a group discussion between exes regarding who can spank a freaking infant. Seriously. Grow up.

And you may want to read up on the law. You can be charged with "Injury to a Child" for spanking. There have been several high profile cases in TX in which BIO MOTHERS have spanked their children (one was two years old) were charged, and been sentenced in court.

http://www.examiner.com/article/texas-mother-sentenced-for-spanking-child

Maneater, don't spank. Sounds like you get the picture. The parenting classes will be helpful! Very few parenting classes these days recommend spanking -- a few do, so watch out which one you sign up for. You don't need to spank, there are lots of other ways to make your point.

My son's Stepmom spanked him once .... once! After that, I threatened her that if she did it again, CPS would be informed. It never happened again, I'm proud to say.

I've called my own step-daughters "my kids" many times ... don't feel bad about that. They ARE my kids, considering all that I do for them!

If my kids SM ever touched my children, I'd be going to jail lol. But me thinks, its a troll.

My brother spanked my baby niece...I kicked his ASS...WTHECK is ANYONE spanking a baby for? People have lost their minds!

Seriously?!?!!? I wish someone would delete this thread already. It just gets people all fired up. And I am fairly certain the OP lived under a bridge in the first place.

I am not, I'm commenting on a lot of stuff. Sorry for having an opinion in an open forum. Guess its an open forum for a select few * eye roll *

I just hate this post all together. That's all I was saying. It seems like it is dragged out of the wood works every so often and gets people all fired up when the OP was somewhat of a pot stirrer and is no longer around ( I don't think).

I don't believe I'm the one who started a hissing match for no reason whatsoever. Thanks for the warm welcome.

I am not a fan of spanking but I will say that by the time I was a year and a half or so, my mom would swat us on the butt, through our diaper, one pop, just to get our attention. It didn't hurt, it sounded bad because of the diaper, and it was usually something like, when we were about to touch a hot stove or play with a knife. I am not saying it's ok to spank a 14 month old, I don't agree with that to any degree, but I guess I'm wondering where you draw the line?

This got my attention due to very similar issues we are having with DH ex and her new husband. DHex left him for his friend when SS was only 2 days old. Tey must have been duing this whilre she was prego with their son. That goes to show you wha type of person she is. to make a long story short DH ex's new husband spanked DH kids SD 9 and on the autism spectrum and SS 5. Well new husband started abusing SK's. Now we re in a custody battle and DH ex is putting new husban first over her kids. This is what I posted earlier just to give you more of a backround:

I’m new here so please bare with me as this is only my second post. I don't know where to begin. My DH is currently in the middle of a custody battle. First let me start by saying that we were trying to get full custody of his two children due to abuse in the home. CPS was called on DH ex twice for abuse both cases were unfounded. Second the children’s guardian felt that since the kids wouldn't come out and say they were abused and CPS said it was unfounded that it was in the best interest of the children to stay with their Mom. So we presented her with an agreement which she naturally wants things changed. First and more important the guardian had made legal documentation that there was to be no corporal punishment by my DH, myself, DH ex and ex new husband who is suspected to be the abuser. Also ex new husband is not allowed to discipline the children at all. Now DH ex wants that taken out which we will not agree to and I doubt the guardian will agree to it either being that she is the one who put it in place. Second DH wants shared custody with primary at ex house so the kids don't have to change schools, and of course she does not want that either. She has been so adamant about the corporal punishment and new husband discipline the children that it has me concerned. Why would this be soooo important to her? Does she not know how to discipline without corporal punishment? It also states in the documentation that if there was any thought about spanking (which we are adamant about not changing) it would have to be cleared with a child psychologist. She wants that taken out as well. It all just seems very odd to me. Any opinions and advice would be greatly appreciated.

e prepared fr the wath ofthe moter cause let me tell you it is taking my husband alot of willpower not to beat this man's ASS!!! If you ask my DH how how he keeps his cool he wil tell you he doesn't want his kids to see him through glass meaning jail. Plus they need someone normal in there lives.

I live in a different country but id guess the laws regarding this issue are similar...

It is legal for a parent to spank a child open handedly on the bottom And only on their bottom to correct a behaviour

It IS illegal to spank a child when you are in an angry/agitated state of mind

Spanking a child under the age of 2 will be a huge issue for any child protective service!

No marks of ANY kind should be visible after a spanking... If there are marks there is child abuse!

Im not against spanking and at times Im sure i would be so inclined to spank, but it IS very misleading to publicly announce its legal to do so. You still run the risk of being arrested for it dependent on the circumstances! I do believe that spanking a child that spanking any child that is not your biological child could still land you in a grey area of the law and could easily become subject to the view of the authority figure ie judge/police officer/ child services agent

Also child protective services will be happy to make your life a living hell if some one decides to call them on you, having things like this documented threw such an agency does provide evidence id said person wanted to get full custody, get supervised visitation, get a protective order etc. etc.

again i don't have an issue with spanking, i do however wish that doing so was not advertised as consequence free by anyone!

Here in my state it is not illegal to spank opened handedly. However it is illegal to leave marks and to use objects i.e belt or switch. My SC both had marks left on them. SD had black and blues on her bottom and SD had broken capillaries around his eyes. We took SD to the hospital and had her checked out and from the marks and by what SD told the forensic nurse and what they saw they called CPS. SS school nurse called CPS on them when she saw my SS face. All has been documented and CPS is well aware as are all the lawyers involved in this case. I am not against spanking if done correctly however when that is the only way you know how to discipline your child and it starts getting abusive then there is a problem.
I am very fustrated because I feel like no one is listening to these children and protecting them. Their is only so much DH can due by law.
Being a SP is hard and I have my days where I say to myself what the hell did I get myself into especially that there is so much baggage with them. But I would nevre phantom doing what this man has done.

A child of that age, its best to redirect them. There are messages young children get when they been spanked that will confuse them more then anything. I would keep redirecting over and over but praise the little one when they are doing the right thing such as them playing nice or trying to help you pick up toys. If the child is getting into something he shouldn't, redirect him by coloring a picture with him for instance.

That is what we due in our home is redirect, however getting BM to do that in her home is hard. She is stubborn and thinks she knows all.

While it may not be illegal to spank/physically discipline a stepchild, a court CAN (and often WILL) order you not to do so. Especially if you exhibit a level of animosity towards the child. So... I would tread carefully.

Okay, I'm sorry to the majority of people here who don't believe in spankings, that's just insane. Our parents were spanked, when they were kids and even before then. As of the 90's we all became such soft parents that it's becoming insane.

Don't get me wrong, I actually don't spank or lay hands on my SD. I don't see a need. However, in our living situation, I am the one who disciplines SD because he BM and my DH have over indulged this child so much so that when I first met her, SD had just turned 3, was still in diapers, still on a bottle, refusing to speak, and getting away with it because neither parent has the spine to add some freaking structure to SD's life.

I come from an abusive home. My very own BM neglected me, my SM beat me to the point where I had broken bones, dislocated appendages, and bruises that lasted over 6 weeks at a time. So, that has a definite affect on how I treat my SD. I'm the first and last in authority with her and I do not hesitate to scold her, tell her 'no, or put her behind in time-out faster than she can think of throwing her next temper-tantrum. However, that's what works with my SD. She's made remarkable improvements since someone added structure and discipline to her life. She's potty trained and when she's with me and DH, she doesn't wear a diaper at night, like she does with her BM, she doesn't whine the way she. Does in her :''s pressence, she doesn't have a bottle when she's with us, and we force her to speak as she is now 4 and in speech therapy, not because she really neeeds it, but because she's so over-indulged that all SD had to do was point and DH would go get it for her.

As much as I don't spank my SD, DH and I have discussed it. We didn't know if time-outs would work and it was a definite plan B. If the time-outs ever lose there effectiveness, hell yes, I'm going to put her over my knee if she trully deserves it. I'm an adult and one. Of her parental figures. When I married my DH, I gave my heart to my SD, too.

Maneater has done thee exact same thing. The truth of the matter is that THIS child's PARENTS have BOTH decided that spankings are an acceptable punishment. It takes a village to raise a child and if the ENTIRE village is allowed to discipline this little boy with spankings as th BIOLOGICAL PARENTS HAVE DEEMED IT ACCEPTABLE, why should SM Maneater be excluded fromthe otherwise accepted guidelines to raising this child. It sends the message to the child that SM really has no say in what is good or bad or right or wrong. Forgive my vulgarity, but effectively SM is just there to keep daddy warm in bed at night.

So, while I'm sure what people are misconstruing as 'excitement' or 'relish' is actually more of a declaritive statement that just because we are SM's or SF's doesn't mean we should not have disciplinary authority and rights equal to the rights of the BM's and BF's because we're in the trenches, too. We have rights to be treated with respect and dignity, just like the parents. We hare also involved in their lives, we interact with them and have just as much unfluence, if not more because of the fact that we are further scrutinized by all other parties, including the darn skids. I think Maneater's candid honesty is refreshing because after reading all the hellatious crap that some of the rest of you have chosen to endure, it's nice to see ssomeone stand up and say, "Hey, buddy, you married me and that means that you chose me to be your wife and to in part raise your child. I have as much right and responsibility as you to make sure this child becomes someone we can be proud of."

As far as the BM is concerned, she has no rights to tell SM that she can't discipline SS in the manner that BM, HERSELF. Deemed acceptable for everyone else and their mothers. As long as Maneater doesn't take to the extremes that my SM used, BM has no say or control over what happens at DH's house.

Spanking is legal in every state for anyone acting enloco parentis. Except for maybe Delaware which I believe just passed a new law.

The below site has the overview of the applicable laws in each state.

http://kidjacked.com/legal/spanking_law.asp

Do your research and parent appropriately.

IMHO of course.

Coming from a African American lol and Step lol That believe in spanking, Spanking a 8month old is a
No ! That is a baby.I can't imagine what a baby could do to need a spanking! Plus mom said she do not want you to spank her child and you should respect that as if you would want someone to respect you as a mom! Spanking may not be illegal however if your caught spanking a 8 month old do not be surprise when it land you in a lot of trouble.

Wow. I should have made popcorn for this show!
I have almost pulled my hair out I've been so frustrated by my skids, but I can't imagine writing about the prospect of hitting them with such glee.
Although, lately spanking seems like it might not be a bad idea, lol. Jk, but I sure was more obedient than they are, and I got the belt as a kid.

If you want to know if it is legal for a Sparent or any person acting enloco parentis to spank in your state. This link is a good place to start your research.

I believe that only in DE is spanking illegal and that is a recent change.

http://kidjacked.com/legal/spanking_law.asp

The thought of having an ex or his partner, disregard my views on corporal punishment and spank my child makes my blood boil. This is one area where a 'my house my rules' approach is not acceptable. Anyone who spanks my child had better be ready to get spanked by me.

I can't help think this might be a fake post. But I had to laugh a little. I want to print this off and leave it out for my SS16 to see just to mess with him.

Both SS and SO know I would never lay a finger on him, especially at his age. And I would also never spank him because that would require I have physical contact with him, which I never have had intentionally. Eww, gross. Germ boy. Yuck.

If I ever found out the my ex-husbands new wife/girlfriend spanked one of our children I would go ballistic. We have not done that and I will not put up with it. Step-parents DO NOT have rights to do that sort of thing.

Coming from an ex who is trying to be accepting of a step-parent in my children's lives it would not work.