Kids, Step Kids, Husband, and the EX!!!
I have 3 kids. 2 Step and 1 of my own. Boy 15. Girl 13 and my own girl 8. I am a stay at home Mom. It ended up being that way because I am ill and am on disability. I cant work till Im in remission.
My husband and I have been married for almost 2 yrs. He is 15 yrs older than me (Im 28 he's 43) and from England so Im not sure if our problem is from age, culture or both. Or just me being hypocritical.
Here we go.... Just putting this out there. I do not like his ex. She cheated on him with her boss and then married him just a few months after divorcing my husband. She wants us/me to pick the kids up every day after school, do homework, take her daughter to cheer practice, feed them and make sure they shower. She's now this big shot director at a hospital and basically cant be bothered juggling work and Mom stuff. 1st off they life like 25 mins away, gas is expensive and I have my own daughter to look after as well! They are not young like my daughter is. I feel like she is taking advantage of me. I dont mind a few days out of the week but everyday? My daughter lives with us. Her dad see's her every weekend. My husband says Im being hypocritical. Its ok for me to run about for my daughter but not for his kids. I said I didnt mind if she pays for gas. That's my big hang up.
Since I've been sick our finances have been tight. And times are rough at the moment. Im obviously not well and cant handle things like I used to. He said he wants to see his kids. Fair enough but what divorced parents both see their kids every single day? Plus they are older and really dont want to bounce back and forth all the time like that. I think that she's not wanting to take any responsibility for her kids and wants a nanny for them. What should I do? This really makes thing difficult and Im not sure if Im missing the Big Picture or what? Or is it how I see it?
Any advice would be insightful! :jawdrop:
she has a nanny...YOU! As
she has a nanny...YOU!
As long as she's getting free services from you, then she need never change her plan.
You husband is the real issue here. Why does he expect you to do all this for HIS kids?
I'm assuming he works and uses this as a guilt trip thing on you?
My point of view is this.. everyone has to do their part. Kids need everyone to be on the same page.
When one person is being taken advantage of then it cause resentment to build which in turn adversely affects all parties involved in the longterm.
You need to sit your spouse down and talk to him. You are being a fill in nanny for his wife. That is not fair to you. I would agree that there needs to be a change.
I don't think it's age or
I don't think it's age or culture just what many of the DHs think. Just say no.
They aren't your kids, you aren't a chauffer and a maid. DH can suck it.
You are most definitely being
You are most definitely being taken advantage of. Just because you married this man does NOT make you an automatic babysitter, driver, etc. Getting married makes you HIS WIFE...NOT HIS/BMS's CHILDRENS Nanny,
chef, maid, chauffer, you name it!!! You have your own child that needs HER mother and you are responsible for HER only. These skids have a father and a mother in the picture and THEY can work something out amongst THEMSELVES so he can see the kids and she can dump her Mommy duties onto.
Do not let this man guilt you or call you a hypocrite and the like just because you are taking care of YOUR responsibilites and he and bm ARENT!!!
Tell DH that your child is YOUR responsiblity and HIS kids are HIS & BM's!!! PERIOD!!!
Ugh. I am so glad that my
Ugh. I am so glad that my husband and I and his ex is 2hrs and 30min apart from one another.
The ex knows what she is doing. I swear every ex pull this picture perfect excuse thinking because the ex is married to a new woman she becomes her nanny. She of course uses the kids by saying the kids want to see you are you really going to deny them to see you and of course he is going to cave in and say well yea I want to see them every day if all possible.
You are right on one thing. What divorce parent see's their kids everyday?
THEY DON'T! That is why divorce sucks and the kids have to live with the different atmosphere and believe it or not they eventually get use to it.
You need to tell your husband you can do only so much in the shape you are in and that those are his kids he is responsible for. You do as much as you can to help if you feel like it but you have your own to think about as well. You are not going to be his exwife nanny and when she calls you are going to jump. You will never heal if you have to put up with such stress.
Don't do it anymore. I think
Don't do it anymore. I think it's great he wants to see his kids, but he needs to be the one doing the majority of the "seeing", not you. Bio parents need to work it out the where THEY care for the kids, pick ups, drop offs, and activities. It shouldn't fall on you to pick up THEIR slack. Not saying SMs shouldn't help out but you are being taken advantage of. This will eventually lead to you not only disliking BM, but resenting the kids as well. And that's no good for anyone.
It sounds like yes she wants
It sounds like yes she wants and has a nanny you. However her kids are teens has anyone asked them how they feel what they want maybe it's time for a dialogue with them and get their input as well. Are you stateside or England? Divorced parents have to make the sacrifices and all the running is just crazy I'd get dad and the kids to look into what they want and start there.
Yikes. I did this for years.
Yikes. I did this for years. Homework, appointments, practices, Scouts, etc, for SD because I was SAHM. It's a LOT. I did it for DH and for SD, NOT for BM. Blech. Looking back, I don't regret it. We lived about 30 miles apart, and with traffic, it could take 1 1/2 hours each way.
I would have a conversation with DH. You said you're disabled. Are you collecting disability? Are you contributing to the household finances at all, or is DH pulling the weight all on his own? Does he consider your "help" with his kids as your contribution in lieu of money?
I think sometimes men feel like they're being taken advantage of. He works to support everyone and his wife is unwilling to carry some weight, too.
I don't know the nature of your illness. If you're still involved with your DD and doing all the "mom" things for her, then DH probably figures you're not too sick to do it for his kids, too.
Forget what BM "wants." That doesn't matter. This is between you and DH and hopefully, you guys can negotiate a solid compromise.
Stop doing it. Not your kid
Stop doing it. Not your kid not your problem. They are the parents. Make them work it out. You aren't the live in maid, nanny or what ever it is they are using you for. This is assnine....... put your foot down dear.
How would your DH and his ex
How would your DH and his ex handle this if you weren't in the picture? That's what they need to do.
If you weren't there, one of them would have to pick the kids up from school, get them to wherever, and make them do whatever.
He wants to see his kids, he can see them when HE picks them up. It's got nothing to do with you.
You are definitely being taken advantage of by all of them.
Ridiculous. She obviously
Ridiculous. She obviously can afford to hire someone to run the kids around. I think if your husband wants to see them then he needs to make the effort to run all over the place. It is not fair for either of them to treat you like unpaid child care and chauffeur service.