How Would You Respond If Your Skid Said This? How Would You Tell Your Spouse?

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Yesterday my fiancé’s son ran out of the house while his dad was at work because he was "afraid" of the punishment I was going to give him, for refusing to do his summer reading.

His dad left work and came home and found him. He decided to go easy on him because he didn't want to run again. SS10 seemed relieved until his father made him apologize to me and spanked him.
After the spanking we realized that he was likely fake crying but we didn't get on him about it.

Here's the conversation me and SS10 had today:

ME: Why were you afraid of me punishing you?
SS10: Your punishments are big. My dad is nice and his spankings don't really hurt; I usually do what I want with him because I can get away with it.
ME: Were you fake crying yesterday when your dad spanked you?
SS10: Yes, it was a puny spanking; yours hurt more, so I try not to do bad stuff - so that I don't get them.
ME: Do you feel that I am mean?
SS10: Not very mean.
ME: So if your dad is nice and your prefer that people be nice to you, why would you not listen to the nice person who loves you and cares for you?
SS10: I don't think my dad is very serious because he's always nice to me but you are very smart and don't let me get away with stuff; you always catch me.
ME: Why would you keep doing things you know are wrong if you know I will catch you?
SS10: I don't know how adults work...I didn't think it through...I know you will punish me but dad is always nice. Things are going to change aren't they?
ME: Yes, they are.
SS10: I think I didn't think through yesterday very much.
ME: Well finish doing your reading and when you finish; journal about the chapter and what happened to the children in the book when they disobeyed their parents.

SS10 doesn't take his father seriously. How do I tell my partner this without sounding like I am telling him he's a bad parent? He's not; I think he overestimates how much his child respects his authority. He has to threaten SS10 with me to get him to behave. I don't mind being the bad guy but my fiancé doesn't want me to be.

I think that's a great idea.

I think that's a great idea. SS10 is pretty smart, he's just incredibly lazy.

i think you must ley your

i think you must ley your husband and his bio mom discipline him ,because he may tell his mom that you spank him & she may call the cps or file a lawsuit , & then his mom may take him & she wont return him back & your husband wont be happy

This The fact that he says it

This

The fact that he says it hurts when you hit him but not dad, can be viewed as you're beating him but dad is spanking him.

Dad created this, let him deal with it.

You have a point. I asked his

You have a point. I asked his dad to do the spanking a few weeks ago so I've been watching but SS10 recalls my spankings.

BM has no custodial rights

BM has no custodial rights and hasn't taken advantage of the supervised visitation she was awarded 10 years ago. You're right though.

If discipline must be done,

If discipline must be done, the parent should do it. I am not anti-spanking, but 10 seems a bit old? It's mostly effective for smaller children that are harder to communicate with using words. Your SS is pretty articulate! But the most important thing is that the parent should handle any hands-on discipline, IMO.

I know it's hard to discuss these things. I always feel like I'm telling my SO he's a bad parent. But usually, he thanks me for my perspective. It's really important to be able to have those conversations... Just more of the joy of being a step! And hoping it won't wreck your relationship.

It is a difficult dynamic to

It is a difficult dynamic to set you up as the bad guy. It will always be them against you. How convenient for your BF to use you as a scapegoat to being a good parent himself. It feels like you are being set up to be the only grown up in the house. Tread carefully.

For the record, I don't think you should be spanking him either. I am antispanking but that is not why I say this. I agree with the previous poster that your spankings can easily be interpreted as beatings by SS and others in his life.

Wish you the best~