When the skids go away...
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is your life dramatically, almost ridiculously better? When SD4 isn't around for a few days, I feel like my life is awesome. I feel relaxed, happy, and fun. SO and I actually get along when she isnt around. But as soon as a "skid day" rolls around, I find myself in an almost depressed state. I don't get much time with out her around (50/50 placement, so every other weekend and one week it's monday and tuesday, the next week its wednesday and thursday). But when she's gone, it's like all the sunshine and rainbows in the world head in my direction. Does anyone else feel like this?
There was about a five year
There was about a five year period where my adult skids were completely incommunicado and it was fantastic. No drama with the skids. It was just me, my DH and the kids. We didn't have any outsiders causing problem. My stress level was so low and I could focus on my family.
The problems started after the skids were estranged for years and DH went crawling back.
My BF and I have a
My BF and I have a FAN-FREAKIN-TASTIC relationship once skid is back home with his loser mother and it is out of sight, out of mind...until...the next time...it is a shitty vicious cycle but I tell him and myself that I guess I can deal with and sacrafice 4 days a month to have the rest of the month of utter skidless bliss!!!
I just thank God that BF and I are on the SAME PAGE about skid and bm. He cant stand bm so they NEVER have any contact, all her texts & calls go straight to MY cell. And he KNOWS his kid is a liar, untrustworhy, and loyal to bm and he knows I do not like his kid whatsoever...so it is so great that I dont have to pretend that I like his kid or want to be around him!!!
we have our skid at the house
we have our skid at the house same way you do tasha and i suggested may times why not just get entire week and stop the two day during opposite week. the BM wont work with us on that. on some level i think it would be easy for all involved if the back and forth stuff stopped. the bio dad may start seeing child in a different light since they are there on reg. basis plus you dont need to disrupt your life on opposite week i think this would reduce stress. SD once came to our house for entire week when BM was on vacation and i swore it seemd to be pretty smooth me and SD where actually getting along pretty well by end of week. i think that is one reason skids and stepmoms never bond no time too. skids in and out and you start over each and everytime.... so if you have reasonable BM to work with i would shoot for week on week off visitation
I'm the same way once SD3 is
I'm the same way once SD3 is gone my tension is gone n I feel much more happier only bc they live 4 hours away we get her 10days n then her mom gets her 10sdays let me tell u its 10days to long I'm a ball of fire w her around and my bf doesn't help sometime I feel our relationship will end bc of this issue
I used to. for at least the
I used to. for at least the first year we were married first and third thursday nights couldnt come quick enough. I counted down the days still she was gone for a week at christmas, 4 weeks in the summer. I lived for the next period of time she'd be gone (she lives w/ us all the time) and felt like a new person when she was gone and depressed the night before she came home. depressed and anxious b/c i'd never know what her mom wouldve told her or how she'd act. etc. but something inside of me clicked and I decided maybe if I act the same no matter what she'll bend more towards acting the same and stability etc. And sure enough it happened, and even if she comes home w/ a 'tude, my expectations are always the same but I've let go of my bad attitude (on most days
). I figure it's not her fault she lives here and if she had her way her parents would still be together and she wouldnt go back and forth bt houses. So I try to model consistency and kindness, which are traits I want her to have, but cant really expect it if I as a 33 year old woman cant even do it.
So yes! I totally get how you're feeling and I think it's a normal rite of passage for all stepmoms.
Thank you for this. I keep
Thank you for this. I keep telling myself that I need to have a better attitude because I think just dreading the day the skids come is making it even worse when they are here. Besides the fact that their behavior is difficult, they can't really help that if their parents (my DH included) did not raise them to more respectful, gracious, etc. My DH was unhappy in his previous marriage and probably pretty absent as a parent. Now that we are in a very happy marriage, we need to model to them what is appropriate behavior even if their BM is rude, manner-less and obnoxious. They can see two ways of behaving and decide for themselves what is the best way.
They are with us 2 wks on/off during the summer and last week I was a complete basket case bitch and refused to have anything to do with them. Then I started seeing my SD7 feeling left out when I was dealing with our bio kids. I also started seeing that my SS11 actually cares about his little half bro and sis, looks out for their safety and smiles so sweetly when they do funny things. I noticed that both my skids do not really go to me for anything because they are used to me being short with them and correcting practically everything they do and say. No wonder they avoid me....I avoid them too and they sense my displeasure with them.
So the last couple of days I have tried to be more tolerant and cheerful and yes, things are better. Then I read your post and realized, my attitude is key to our family's happiness. When I hate that the skids are here, my DH is unhappy and stressed and then the skids are a source of frustration to us both. When I try to have a better attitude, he is so pleased with me and my efforts and he is visibly happier/relaxed. And when he is happier, the skids seem better too.
It all falls on me and they are only children.
yes I go into a deep
yes I go into a deep depression when she comes and anxiety like 2 days before I know shes coming and I am elated when she leaves. The environment in my house completly changes bc she is so toxic. As hard as I try to not let her presence affect me or my house it still does. Part of it is FDH too, I feel he's different towards me when she's around bc he tries to show her extra attention etc. so I just distance myself.
I cannot wait till she doesn't come anymore! I feel like 50% of the time my life is normal and 50% I hate it
My sd8 only leaves for 8hrs
My sd8 only leaves for 8hrs per week but I do look forward to them!! I can't wait till BM gets more visitation time. I'm prayin she gets all of school vacations!!