Qsss answer plz
I have been reading posts here a lot and have learned a lot about this issue which I honestly didn't know anything. As I explained earlier one reason I considered my ex-Bf was due to my sheer lack of information on the dynamics of step-parenting.
1. Do you guys think now that you have gone through so much ups and downs in dealing with skids in your relationship, do you think it would be a piece of cake if you were to now start with a single person (hypothetical scenario)?
2. Do you guys think being responsible for skids has had any impact on your career advancement? have you made any sacrifice for the sake of skids or your family?
3. Is it even possible to have a career and take care of the skids (full custody) by cooking for them, cleaning, entertaining them etc. I assume it will be really challenging. I haven't really taken care of anyone else so far in my life. My career have been my priority so far. Just the thought of balancing house chores, career and a relationship with husband made me doubtfull. Reason I can't seem to make peace with this fact is I keep thinking that how to other women do this? Anyone here who takes care of everything. How many hours do you guys sleep? I can't sleep less than 8 lol. I know some people sleep for 5 or 6 hr.
sorry for so many grammar
sorry for so many grammar mistakes, just typing fast without paying much attention to grammar.
Nothing to do with the skids
Nothing to do with the skids at the point, but I am lucky if I sleep 5 or 6. Normally, I go to bed late, wake up in the middle of the night, get up early...ah, it's a mess...lol
1. Occasionally, when things
1. Occasionally, when things get rough between DH and I, I think that I might be better off with just me and my daughter. Screw the SD thing. And IF that ever happens, which I hope it doesn't because I do love him... I will never marry a man with kids!
2.Having SD made it so I couldn't get salaried at my job and was stuck at hourly wage. Which meant I didn't get any paid maternity leave after being there for 3 1/2 years! I was told that I couldn't be salaried because I was unable to work nights (DH works nights so I have to work days) and I couldn't work weekends (same reason). So because I had SD I was unable to have full availability. Also, while I was at school for photography I was also working full time and we had SD 100% so I was unable to do any internship, and in the art world you need to do an internship to get a job so I have a four year degree in photography and I don't have to qualifications to get a job doing it.
3.As I mentioned we had 100% custody and just recently she started going to BM two days a week. And DH works nights so I have SD five nights a week ALONE. I had to go take SD to school 20 minutes away, go to work a normal 40 hours a week, then pick her up after work, come home and make dinner (plus one plate for DH when he gets home), make sure she did homework, shower, chores, etc... And because DH works so late I would try to stay up to see him for half an hour or so. If I was lucky I would get 8 hours, being that I was up at 7:15 in order to get her to school. Now, she's with BM two nights a week so I don't have to pick her up or fix her dinner and that is awesome! No fighting over homework or showers (I've disengaged from "parental" responsibilities.) Plus I do all the housework since DH works 10-12 hours a day. It is a sucking situation, but now we have a 7 month (and I get 5 hours of sleep a night, never consecutive), like w_buchan, I am in too deep to leave at the point.
Stepparenting is challenging for most. There are a lucky few who have it easy, but for the majority it is hard. Very had and not always worth it, just remember that you love DH and that's why we do it. Sure as hell isn't for the Skids.
I never sleep. If I sleep 8
I never sleep. If I sleep 8 hours I probably have the flu.
My husband is the CP and has had 100% custody with no support EVER from egg donor for their entire lives. They will both be in college in the fall.
I got married pretty young. I did not work for many years and stayed home with my stepkids (custodial stepmom), and my bio son. One thing is that my husband makes good money and I was able to stay home without stress on the family finances. It did affect me personally though. I feel like I am 10 years behind career wise I mean the new CEO of YAHOO is my age and I just went back to work in the last two years UGH...BUT, BUT, BUT, I did enjoy every second that I had with my son and I am eternally grateful to my husband for being the provider that he is. I think it is a catch 22 for all moms who want it all. The truth is, having it all, and staying sane is very hard to achieve.
OMG wow you guys! Brave
:jawdrop: OMG wow you guys! Brave ladies! I am inspired
I think having support from moms or in laws would make life so much easier. I was thinking the other day about one of my acquaintances who has her mom on her side. She drops her kids to her mom everyday and even on weekends if she wants alone time. I couldn't do that even if my mom agreed coz he lived far away from us.
My answers... 1) Yes. Not so
My answers...
1) Yes. Not so much a piece of cake, as all relationships require effort, but I feel it's 90% easier without kids or step-kids.
2) Absolutely. The bottom line is that kids can't (and shouldn't) raise themselves, so someone's going to have to sacrifice career-time for more kid-time.
3) Yes. You can do anything you want to with the right partner. A team is much stronger than one.
I honestly think the hardest part about being a step parent is the lack of a bond with the child. It has nothing to do with work, time, or career, it just so much easier to sacrifice any of that if you are bonded with a kid like a biological parent is. Just my two cents.
Some of you ladies should
Some of you ladies should write essays on time management. I am not kidding! I only take care of myself and I am still short of time sometimes. I come home, cook something, watch tv, browse internet, take shower and go to bed. Morning make breakfast and lunch for myself, get ready and go to work. I take care of my bills at work lol. Weekends I hang out with my friends or/and go to my mom's, play with my nephew and nieces, go shopping or go out of town etc. I used to be really happy with life, but as time is passing by I am starting to want to have my own family. It is the one thing that I feel so down about :(, but then i go out with some of my single friends and I see how lightly they take the issue and are so hopeful and confident. On one hand I want someone, on the other whenever anyone proposes I run the other direction. The only person I really loved or may be "liked" was the man with kids :(. I have a few other people who have been interested in knowing me, but somehow i have always found an excuse to say no. I see some of my friends who have been with guys I would not even consider and I see how happy they are posting pictures on facebook 24/7. I think there is something wrong with me for being so picky.
1. No. I am almost divorced
1. No. I am almost divorced and the thought of starting over with anyone freaks me out. NOT ready and don't know if I ever will be.
2. Many years ago, I had to quit my job because dh marched into our home and informed me that ss was coming back to live with us (meaning ME as dh was a truck driver and gone Mon - Fri) whether I liked it or not. I had to quit in order to stay home and protect my home and children from ss. I had tried having child care providers before for my 2 kids but my ss would make them so miserable that they would quit - one right after another.
3. It is possible IF your dh will step up and do his share of the parenting and home keeping tasks. Sleep was almost non-existant for me when my kids were little and ss was a teenager. SS would be up at night, prowling the house and I would have to get up and move my little dd into my room (infant son was already in with me) because I feared for her safety. SS would go into her room and take her toys and stuff and I worried what else he might do.