what do you guys think of women having three kids with three fathers? do you find it sane and normal for kids to see this and be part of it? especially when theyve had several stepfathers in there.
WTF??? You thought that breast feeding would prevent pregnancy??? Perhaps you should've educated yourself more on birth control & less on whether black dicks are bigger.
Seriously, if your feeling is that husbands are disposable, how can you talk about women not being willing to put in the work or effort to make a long-term commitment?
Your choices have been wreckless & irresponsible, & you seem to fail to recognize that your choices impact your children.
Just sharing my thoughts. That's what we do on public forums.
I have been divorced. I left an abusive man. I don't think it's wrong to leave a marriage where people are being mistreated. I was responsible enough not to bring children into a marriage with a man who feels entitled to mistreat people.
No, this place isn't beneath me. My life is far from perfect. I've gotten a lot of good advice & insight here. I've had people share thoughts that were painful to hear, but I wasn't closed to hearing them.
I'm not sure why your focus is on welfare. I never mentioned anything about it, but I also have never been on it. I don't take issue with people who do/have so long as it's used as intended & people aren't breeding on it.
There are consequences for every choice we make & unfortunately your kids are bearing the consequences for your choices. The issue I have is failure to act responsibly with children involved.
Like everyone else, I have the freedom to post my thoughts, & like everyone else, you have the freedom to take them or leave them.
No, my kid will NEVER have to ask one of yours for a job. GUARANTEED!
I never said you failed. Just that, IMO, the choices you made were irresponsible.
"due to the fact that I am on my last warning I can't tell you how you came across and what I would have done if you stated your opinion to my face."
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That's cute!
In many ways I do agree with what dondiva's saying--
I flipped out on with DH because he kept pointing out how many of our acquaintances had multiple marriages and children from previous marriages. I think it was like his 14th time pointing on of them out that I snapped.
I told him I never want to hear him point shit like that out again, because it comes across to me as though he's either rubbing my face in it or trying to constantly remind me.
His defense was that he was only trying to show me that we don't have it that bad.
Excuse the language, I was PO'ed when I said this to him.
I told him "It's because you, the media, and the rest of this fucked-up society now normalize things like illegitimate children and divorce and multiple marriages, partners, and cheating that people not find it acceptable to not be careful with who they procreate with. It's NOT NORMAL for me. What's NORMAL for me is being very careful about who I choose to be with and who I choose to have children with. Sure, shit happens, but I will try my best not to be the cause of that shit.
Okay, you know how you feel like our marriage is the most awesomest best thing that has ever happened? From now on I'm going to point out every divorcee who once thought their marriage was going to outlast everyone else's and tell you constantly that that's going to be us in x amount of years, that it's okay if we divorce and hate each other, or if I cheat on you and have babies with multiple partners because IT'S FUCKING NORMAL, RIGHT? Because all my friends around me have cheated on their partners, that means I can too, RIGHT?"
It shut him up, he has not mentioned it ever again. This was over about 2 months ago?
The truth is, we can find exceptions in it, about successful people, we may even know a few, or we are from broken homes and consider ourselves successful as well, but statistics show that a majority of those in the criminal system come from broken homes.
I absolutely agree that when you have 1 mother with 3 different baby daddies, mom probably isn't making the best choices in the men she's involving in her children's lives.
If a woman believes husands are disposable, she's not a healthy frame of mind to be getting married.
If she's having children with multiple men she sees as being disposable, she's being an irresponsible mother to her children. Having babies with sexual predators & men with no work ethic & men who beat women, etc...what is she teaching her children??? Parents have a responsibility to teach their children how to grow up to be responsible adults. How can she teach her children responsibility when she can't be responsible herself?
Too many children are taught that parents are disposable. IMO, it's the parent who raises their child(ren) to believe that people are disposable who needs to be disposed of.
I don't have a problem with the # of fathers so much as the person's ability to take care of the kids. BM has 3 with 3 different men (well 2 right now but is due with #3 very soon). She has 0 custody of the older 2, not even visitation rights. But sure, have another one!!! This one's father is some drugged out loser living in someones attic, so you know he is really going to step up and be a parent!
See, and I don't even care if people are on social systems as long as they are on them in the manner they are designed for. A TEMPORARY help. Not a way of life. If you need food stamps for a couple of years so you can finish a training program or college or something so you can actually support your family then so be it.
I love you use my older 1/2 sister as an example. She got pregnant in high school and dropped out. She immediately got her GED and then got on section 8, daycare assistance and food stamps. She worked as a waitress and put herself through school. In less than 3 years she was 100% self sufficient and never looked back. She did what she had to do and managed to raise an amazing girl who is 17 now all on her own.
Nope, she did what she had to do and did it all at 16/17 years old. I am proud of her and she is proud of herself. She is very successful, happily married, and a dedicated mother. Most importantly she raised her daughter to excel in school and have better priorities than boys Her #1 goal was to not let history repeat itself and she did a great job.
Glad it's not me-haha. That seems a lot of drama and unrest. BM1 has three kids from three guys. Her relationships are very short lived because she is mentally ill (no, seriously, diagnosed). The kids look ok on the surface, but you bet some of their problems with lack of fathers in their lives will surface later in life. She is like the Wicker Man chick- traps guys, has sex, gets preggers and collects child support and never allows the guys to have any parenting time. And she is a teacher. Idk how she justifies any of this behavior or how she was allowed to keep her job, but none of this concerns me, really. People have the right to F up their own kids, I guess...
Most women I know with a bunch of baby daddies are on welfare or stuck in low paying, dead end jobs. They live in the projects or have some type of housing voucher. They get WIC and/or foodstamps. IF they get CS for any of the kids, the amount is so low it's a joke.
Tax time is like Christmas to them. If they work, they get a huge refund thanks to EIC (a form of welfare).
They tend to attract men who are lazy and are looking for a free ride~ free food, free or cheap rent and extra cash during tax time.
The poor kids grow up thinking all of this is normal and end up making the same choices.
I agree. I have waited a long time to get married and potentially have children. That said- I've hardly been a prude in terms of my sex life either. (vigilant about birth control)
Batsh!t BM has 2 kids, 2 different dads and she was not in a relationship with either when she found out she was pregnant. My DH is bio to her 12yr old, and the new baby is 2 and I have no idea what the situation is with that birth father, nor do I care.
The issue is that this kid has no framework within which to have a healthy relationship. She thinks its 'cool' that mommy doesn't work because the daddies pay her. Great thing to teach your kids...
Baby-making has become a career for a lot of people. Spread your legs-pop one out, get CS, onto the next unknowing loser, after 3-4 kids no need to actually get a job, like in the movie The Wicker Man. Do I blame anyone? Nope. People do what they do. On the other hand, someone has to raise these kids financially and otherwise, that is why our government is growing and taking over, because we have allowed it to. Nothing wrong with it, but it takes a village to raise most kids nowadays. Life has a way to evolutionarily balance things out. But, it affects my children- they have to sit through class with other little kids with rage and anger issues stemming from rejection of their parents and lack of fathers in their lives, it affects them on the playground and will affect them later in life when they marry the offspring of such upbringing. That said, I also raise my kids to know how to handle these kids bc parenting is my #1 job. So, people do what they do, but I am here to counsel my children through it.
I think that the important thing is how the children are raised, my Bf has 2 children from different mothers, they were both unplanned, he loves them to bits and see's them whenever he can, he is a good Dad, there are many kids born in wedlock to the same parents who have not been looked after or raised to respect themselves and others.
But when women have multiple children by multiple fathers. Father of kid 1 does not necessarily have any interaction with child 3. For the children it is very confusing that brother has one dad, child has another and sister has another etc. This is not healthy for children and will be a pattern that is repeated over and over again generation after generation.
I don't think anyone is saying that you or your children don't deserve the same respect as the next person.
I do think, respectfully, that you sound angry and a touch bitter. You may be perpetuating that pretty big chip on your shoulder. That's not good for children either.
We are not talking about step dads or step siblings. The orignal OP asked about WOMAN having babies with multiple fathers. No one is saying that the kids will all turn out bad, that can and does happen in all types of families.
Personally, and this is just speaking form my stance, if I were with someone who I didn't know if I wanted to be with for a lifetime, and got pregnant, I'd terminate. Or if it was a one night stand (which my friend had that resulted in a pregnancy that she terminated). Or if I knew the guy didn't want to be a father and it was an accident.
This is because I don't want to force anyone to be a dad if they don't want to be. I have the final power in decision making. Otherwise I'd never tell them it was their child and be prepared to raise it as a single mom.
If I were married to someone (and hopefully my judgement was good enough), and we both wanted a child, but our marriage ended up falling apart, then that's a different story. And then I got remarried and had children with my new husband. If I get divorced again though... then I might want to re-evaluate myself because it might be me that's the problem.
I think my issue might be that I believe a child is too huge of a responsibility and a burden and a blessing to have it with someone who wasn't in it for the long haul. Some are against termination, so I can understand that. It's also because I'm on the other end of it, with someone who didn't want a child with BM and got lied to that I hold such a strong stance about this.
This thread has totally jumped shark, but I find it ironic that calling an anon poster on the internet a slut is offensive to some, yet the disgusting names used to describe children on this site daily get multiple "LOLs" and a cyber high fives.
i think each situation is different and can't all be placed in one box. fdh's widowed SIL had one child when she married fdh's brother. then they had a child together. a couple of weeks after their child turned 1, fdh's brother was killed in an industrial accident. a few years later, SIL had a baby with someone else. so she has 3 kids with 3 fathers, but she is not a slut and she is not irresponsible. she has a very nice home and raises her kids the right way. she's been dealt a shitty hand, but she made the most of it.
i have a cousin who has 4 kids with 3 people. 2 when she was a teenager by 2 different guys, then 2 with her now ex. she gave up her first 2 for a long time to her mom. then she got married and wanted them back. had 2 more. stepdad doesn't like her son, so she ships him off to gramma again, because it's "better for one kid to not have a dad then for 2 to not have a dad" meaning that she isn't going to keep her son if it means losing her dh and father of her 2 youngest. :O she was married once before, no kids. but that dh didn't like her daughter, so she got rid of her. then she and her current dh were having problems, so she gets pregnant on purpose because the new baby will be her "2nd chance at happiness". so she willingly brought a child into a bad marriage with the job of fixing everything. they still ended up divorced. now she has a new bf and doesn't talk to her parents or sisters because they talk to her ex. her 15 year old had a baby in january.
it makes my head spin. oh, and she still wants another baby. :jawdrop: she never stays happy with anyone. she's on top of the world for a year or 2, then it falls apart and she finds a new man and usually gets pregnant right away. she seems to think she has to have a baby with every bf she has. and if they don't like her kids, well get rid of them, of course! so yeah, her choices have been horrendous and her kids are reflecting that or she would not be a grandmother at 32 years old.
Totally have a guy in my office that is 33 and has 2 grandkids. Ages 3 and 1. Yep... He is a year younger than me, and a grandpapy
My dad was 37, that's not too much older... he was 16 when my oldest sister was born, and my sister had a kid when she was 22 (and married) and now HER daughter that is 19 is having a baby in a month. My dad is a 56 year old GREAT GRANDPA! Crazy!!
OK, easy, people. We are all on this site because we want to make sure our lives and our kids' lives are of better quality, so I am pretty sure most of us are pretty awesome people. BTW- technically, anybody that does not get married a virgin and is currently married can be called a slut, so that is probably most of us one here haha. Now-there is a difference between a smart whore and a stupid whore. And I will not tell you the difference, it is for each of us to think hard where we fit and why.
Here is the scenario that frightens me, though: three babies and no father, one mother, probably quite bitter, raising more bitter kids that are feeling the lack of the second parental unit. They feel the pain, the anger, the rejection, take it into their adulthood and get hooked on drugs, alcohol, disfunctional relationships, promiscuity. Is that what you want to see the world become in the next generation? Now, on the other hand, if there is abuse, you don;t want to see that either.
It has become a very complicated, disjointed world, all we DO have is each other's acceptance and kindness and communication. And hopefully the kids understand their world and learn to cope with it.
It's gross and weird and it messes kids up. My mother was one of those. Couln't keep her damned legs shut for nothing! Had kid after kid, never once taking the kid she ALREADY HAD into consideration. Had to hold on to those loser men, you know. I'm ashamed that I came out of her scuzzy body!!
my mom had my brother and i by the same loser, but she still sounds a lot like your mom. she allowed our sf to abuse us and her, as long as he didn't leave. ruin my kids lives, just don't leave. carry home std's or whatever you might get from all the nasty bitches you cheat on me with, just don't leave. all that mattered was holding onto her worthless dh. my brother and i were no more than a welfare check to her. i am ashamed to have come from that abomination of a woman, as well.
bi...I'm so sorry. I can totally sympathize. Unfortunately, we cannot choose our parents, or force them to make decent choices. My mom sat on her hands and let her loser husband beat on me, too. Just as long as he stayed. Desperate whore.
thank you. i always knew even as a young kid that one day she would be all alone because of what she has done, and she sort of is. she got bariatric surgery and lost a ton of weight and divorced him. nice, huh? after he ruins our childhoods and the damage is done, she leaves him because SHE feels better now and doesn't need him anymore. selfish c**t. i ran away at 15 and had a baby at 16 just to escape. she's remarried now, but they've been seperated for several years. she lives alone and apparently likes it that way. she's more and more hateful as the years go by. she will never be in a relationship again. my brother can't stand her. i can't stand her. most of the family can't stand her. over the years, she turned into a braindead drunk. she can't go more than a day, and even a day is hard for her, without getting drunk. and she truly does lose all ability to think, and that skill was weak to begin with. she will strip in front of strangers, stagger around and fall, she spins in a circle slapping her right hip and calls that "dancing", oh my God, i could go on for days.
she has 3 grandkids and would rather be drunk and stupid than spending time with them. i had her babysit against my better judgement a couple of months ago, and i got called once on the way there to see if i was there yet, twice while i was at the restaurant with my bff to see how much longer til i was leaving, and once on the way home to see when i would be there. why? because she was in a big yank for me to get back and get my son so she could get drunk all by herself. :? she truly is disgusting. i want to smack her every time i see her.
she ruined last thanksgiving by getting drunk and only cooking half the meal. i'm so done with that bitch. there will be no more holidays with her. thanksgiving was the last straw. she's all freaked out about 12/21/12 and insists that my brother and i and our kids HAVE to be at her place that day. uh, no. if the world is ending, i don't care to go out around her drunk ass and stupidity. no way am i going there on that day. she'll be lucky to see us for Christmas, since that's always a drunkfest, too. just what i want my kids to look back on in the future and have for memories. man, i HATE that bitch.
My mom also waited for too much damage to be done before she finally divorced. Maybe our moms are related? Lol! My mother is a sociopath and I hate hate hate her. I have not seen her or spoken to her in 22 years. I was 19 when I told her to french kiss my ass. I never want to see her again. I tell my kids that she is dead. It was always about her. I hope that abusive, controlling man was worth everything that she gave up to be with him.
Former SD15‘s BM has three kids by three different guys, and only x-H was involved at all in his child’s life. She wasn’t married to any of them and the older two have nothing to do with their fathers. When BMs are stupid enough to do this, they have mental and drug problems usually and the kids end up completely f’ed up.
BM liked sleeping around with guys and wasn't really even dating. She and x-H were just “f-buddies”. He was 18 and stupid, but BM was 28 at the time and the mom to 2 kids, lied about being on birth control. My guess is she wanted a source of income from child support since the other dads weren’t paying and xH was in the military.
BM’s kids were taken away for abuse and put in foster care and then did nothing to get her kids after they were taken away. She left the state and didn’t even show up for court appearances.
These kids were doomed from the start. Their BM was a nutjob. My marriage ended having to deal with the insanity of dealing with SD15 and her crazy half-siblings.
WTF??? You thought that
WTF??? You thought that breast feeding would prevent pregnancy??? Perhaps you should've educated yourself more on birth control & less on whether black dicks are bigger.
Seriously, if your feeling is that husbands are disposable, how can you talk about women not being willing to put in the work or effort to make a long-term commitment?
Your choices have been wreckless & irresponsible, & you seem to fail to recognize that your choices impact your children.
Just sharing my thoughts.
Just sharing my thoughts. That's what we do on public forums.
I have been divorced. I left an abusive man. I don't think it's wrong to leave a marriage where people are being mistreated. I was responsible enough not to bring children into a marriage with a man who feels entitled to mistreat people.
No, this place isn't beneath me. My life is far from perfect. I've gotten a lot of good advice & insight here. I've had people share thoughts that were painful to hear, but I wasn't closed to hearing them.
I'm not sure why your focus is on welfare. I never mentioned anything about it, but I also have never been on it. I don't take issue with people who do/have so long as it's used as intended & people aren't breeding on it.
There are consequences for every choice we make & unfortunately your kids are bearing the consequences for your choices. The issue I have is failure to act responsibly with children involved.
Like everyone else, I have the freedom to post my thoughts, & like everyone else, you have the freedom to take them or leave them.
No, my kid will NEVER have to
No, my kid will NEVER have to ask one of yours for a job. GUARANTEED!
I never said you failed. Just that, IMO, the choices you made were irresponsible.
"due to the fact that I am on my last warning I can't tell you how you came across and what I would have done if you stated your opinion to my face."
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That's cute!
I DO know for sure. Again,
I DO know for sure. Again, simply sharing my thoughts.
Have a great day!
In many ways I do agree with
In many ways I do agree with what dondiva's saying--
I flipped out on with DH because he kept pointing out how many of our acquaintances had multiple marriages and children from previous marriages. I think it was like his 14th time pointing on of them out that I snapped.
I told him I never want to hear him point shit like that out again, because it comes across to me as though he's either rubbing my face in it or trying to constantly remind me.
His defense was that he was only trying to show me that we don't have it that bad.
Excuse the language, I was PO'ed when I said this to him.
I told him "It's because you, the media, and the rest of this fucked-up society now normalize things like illegitimate children and divorce and multiple marriages, partners, and cheating that people not find it acceptable to not be careful with who they procreate with. It's NOT NORMAL for me. What's NORMAL for me is being very careful about who I choose to be with and who I choose to have children with. Sure, shit happens, but I will try my best not to be the cause of that shit.
Okay, you know how you feel like our marriage is the most awesomest best thing that has ever happened? From now on I'm going to point out every divorcee who once thought their marriage was going to outlast everyone else's and tell you constantly that that's going to be us in x amount of years, that it's okay if we divorce and hate each other, or if I cheat on you and have babies with multiple partners because IT'S FUCKING NORMAL, RIGHT? Because all my friends around me have cheated on their partners, that means I can too, RIGHT?"
It shut him up, he has not mentioned it ever again. This was over about 2 months ago?
The truth is, we can find exceptions in it, about successful people, we may even know a few, or we are from broken homes and consider ourselves successful as well, but statistics show that a majority of those in the criminal system come from broken homes.
I'm also wondering what is
I'm also wondering what is going on today.
Why are so many going out of their way to understand this mess?
Many posters here are stuck with SKs that are the results of one night stands. No one ever defends those BMs.
Many posters here talk shit about their BMs that have several baby daddies. No one ever defends those BMs.
If a SM were posting this posters history\story, no one would be defending her.
amen!
amen!
EXACTLY!!!
EXACTLY!!!
I absolutely agree that when
I absolutely agree that when you have 1 mother with 3 different baby daddies, mom probably isn't making the best choices in the men she's involving in her children's lives.
If a woman believes husands are disposable, she's not a healthy frame of mind to be getting married.
If she's having children with multiple men she sees as being disposable, she's being an irresponsible mother to her children. Having babies with sexual predators & men with no work ethic & men who beat women, etc...what is she teaching her children??? Parents have a responsibility to teach their children how to grow up to be responsible adults. How can she teach her children responsibility when she can't be responsible herself?
Too many children are taught that parents are disposable. IMO, it's the parent who raises their child(ren) to believe that people are disposable who needs to be disposed of.
THIS THIS THIS
THIS THIS THIS
I don't have a problem with
I don't have a problem with the # of fathers so much as the person's ability to take care of the kids. BM has 3 with 3 different men (well 2 right now but is due with #3 very soon). She has 0 custody of the older 2, not even visitation rights. But sure, have another one!!! This one's father is some drugged out loser living in someones attic, so you know he is really going to step up and be a parent!
See, and I don't even care if
See, and I don't even care if people are on social systems as long as they are on them in the manner they are designed for. A TEMPORARY help. Not a way of life. If you need food stamps for a couple of years so you can finish a training program or college or something so you can actually support your family then so be it.
I love you use my older 1/2 sister as an example. She got pregnant in high school and dropped out. She immediately got her GED and then got on section 8, daycare assistance and food stamps. She worked as a waitress and put herself through school. In less than 3 years she was 100% self sufficient and never looked back. She did what she had to do and managed to raise an amazing girl who is 17 now all on her own.
Nope, she did what she had to
Nope, she did what she had to do and did it all at 16/17 years old. I am proud of her and she is proud of herself. She is very successful, happily married, and a dedicated mother. Most importantly she raised her daughter to excel in school and have better priorities than boys
Her #1 goal was to not let history repeat itself and she did a great job.
Glad it's not me-haha. That
Glad it's not me-haha. That seems a lot of drama and unrest. BM1 has three kids from three guys. Her relationships are very short lived because she is mentally ill (no, seriously, diagnosed). The kids look ok on the surface, but you bet some of their problems with lack of fathers in their lives will surface later in life. She is like the Wicker Man chick- traps guys, has sex, gets preggers and collects child support and never allows the guys to have any parenting time. And she is a teacher. Idk how she justifies any of this behavior or how she was allowed to keep her job, but none of this concerns me, really. People have the right to F up their own kids, I guess...
Most women I know with a
Most women I know with a bunch of baby daddies are on welfare or stuck in low paying, dead end jobs. They live in the projects or have some type of housing voucher. They get WIC and/or foodstamps. IF they get CS for any of the kids, the amount is so low it's a joke.
Tax time is like Christmas to them. If they work, they get a huge refund thanks to EIC (a form of welfare).
They tend to attract men who are lazy and are looking for a free ride~ free food, free or cheap rent and extra cash during tax time.
The poor kids grow up thinking all of this is normal and end up making the same choices.
I agree. I have waited a
I agree. I have waited a long time to get married and potentially have children. That said- I've hardly been a prude in terms of my sex life either. (vigilant about birth control)
Batsh!t BM has 2 kids, 2 different dads and she was not in a relationship with either when she found out she was pregnant. My DH is bio to her 12yr old, and the new baby is 2 and I have no idea what the situation is with that birth father, nor do I care.
The issue is that this kid has no framework within which to have a healthy relationship. She thinks its 'cool' that mommy doesn't work because the daddies pay her. Great thing to teach your kids...
Baby-making has become a
Baby-making has become a career for a lot of people. Spread your legs-pop one out, get CS, onto the next unknowing loser, after 3-4 kids no need to actually get a job, like in the movie The Wicker Man. Do I blame anyone? Nope. People do what they do. On the other hand, someone has to raise these kids financially and otherwise, that is why our government is growing and taking over, because we have allowed it to. Nothing wrong with it, but it takes a village to raise most kids nowadays. Life has a way to evolutionarily balance things out. But, it affects my children- they have to sit through class with other little kids with rage and anger issues stemming from rejection of their parents and lack of fathers in their lives, it affects them on the playground and will affect them later in life when they marry the offspring of such upbringing. That said, I also raise my kids to know how to handle these kids bc parenting is my #1 job. So, people do what they do, but I am here to counsel my children through it.
I think that the important
I think that the important thing is how the children are raised, my Bf has 2 children from different mothers, they were both unplanned, he loves them to bits and see's them whenever he can, he is a good Dad, there are many kids born in wedlock to the same parents who have not been looked after or raised to respect themselves and others.
But when women have multiple
But when women have multiple children by multiple fathers. Father of kid 1 does not necessarily have any interaction with child 3. For the children it is very confusing that brother has one dad, child has another and sister has another etc. This is not healthy for children and will be a pattern that is repeated over and over again generation after generation.
You're suggesting that all of
You're suggesting that all of our nations leaders are well-rounded??? LOL!
I don't think anyone is
I don't think anyone is saying that you or your children don't deserve the same respect as the next person.
I do think, respectfully, that you sound angry and a touch bitter. You may be perpetuating that pretty big chip on your shoulder. That's not good for children either.
Take care of yourself.
We are not talking about step
We are not talking about step dads or step siblings. The orignal OP asked about WOMAN having babies with multiple fathers. No one is saying that the kids will all turn out bad, that can and does happen in all types of families.
Personally, and this is just
Personally, and this is just speaking form my stance, if I were with someone who I didn't know if I wanted to be with for a lifetime, and got pregnant, I'd terminate. Or if it was a one night stand (which my friend had that resulted in a pregnancy that she terminated). Or if I knew the guy didn't want to be a father and it was an accident.
This is because I don't want to force anyone to be a dad if they don't want to be. I have the final power in decision making. Otherwise I'd never tell them it was their child and be prepared to raise it as a single mom.
If I were married to someone (and hopefully my judgement was good enough), and we both wanted a child, but our marriage ended up falling apart, then that's a different story. And then I got remarried and had children with my new husband. If I get divorced again though... then I might want to re-evaluate myself because it might be me that's the problem.
I think my issue might be that I believe a child is too huge of a responsibility and a burden and a blessing to have it with someone who wasn't in it for the long haul. Some are against termination, so I can understand that. It's also because I'm on the other end of it, with someone who didn't want a child with BM and got lied to that I hold such a strong stance about this.
This thread has totally
This thread has totally jumped shark, but I find it ironic that calling an anon poster on the internet a slut is offensive to some, yet the disgusting names used to describe children on this site daily get multiple "LOLs" and a cyber high fives.
Just sayin'.
Yep, that word is only
Yep, that word is only acceptable when it's said by a SM in reference to a BM or a stepkid. :?
Not2sure- you are right on!
Not2sure- you are right on!
i think each situation is
i think each situation is different and can't all be placed in one box. fdh's widowed SIL had one child when she married fdh's brother. then they had a child together. a couple of weeks after their child turned 1, fdh's brother was killed in an industrial accident. a few years later, SIL had a baby with someone else. so she has 3 kids with 3 fathers, but she is not a slut and she is not irresponsible. she has a very nice home and raises her kids the right way. she's been dealt a shitty hand, but she made the most of it.
i have a cousin who has 4 kids with 3 people. 2 when she was a teenager by 2 different guys, then 2 with her now ex. she gave up her first 2 for a long time to her mom. then she got married and wanted them back. had 2 more. stepdad doesn't like her son, so she ships him off to gramma again, because it's "better for one kid to not have a dad then for 2 to not have a dad" meaning that she isn't going to keep her son if it means losing her dh and father of her 2 youngest. :O she was married once before, no kids. but that dh didn't like her daughter, so she got rid of her. then she and her current dh were having problems, so she gets pregnant on purpose because the new baby will be her "2nd chance at happiness". so she willingly brought a child into a bad marriage with the job of fixing everything. they still ended up divorced. now she has a new bf and doesn't talk to her parents or sisters because they talk to her ex. her 15 year old had a baby in january.
it makes my head spin. oh, and she still wants another baby. :jawdrop: she never stays happy with anyone. she's on top of the world for a year or 2, then it falls apart and she finds a new man and usually gets pregnant right away. she seems to think she has to have a baby with every bf she has. and if they don't like her kids, well get rid of them, of course! so yeah, her choices have been horrendous and her kids are reflecting that or she would not be a grandmother at 32 years old.
Totally have a guy in my
Totally have a guy in my office that is 33 and has 2 grandkids. Ages 3 and 1. Yep... He is a year younger than me, and a grandpapy
My dad was 37, that's not too much older... he was 16 when my oldest sister was born, and my sister had a kid when she was 22 (and married) and now HER daughter that is 19 is having a baby in a month. My dad is a 56 year old GREAT GRANDPA! Crazy!!
My husband's ex was also a
My husband's ex was also a grandma at age 32. That is what happens when you start at 14 and the cycle continues.
OK, easy, people. We are all
OK, easy, people. We are all on this site because we want to make sure our lives and our kids' lives are of better quality, so I am pretty sure most of us are pretty awesome people. BTW- technically, anybody that does not get married a virgin and is currently married can be called a slut, so that is probably most of us one here haha. Now-there is a difference between a smart whore and a stupid whore. And I will not tell you the difference, it is for each of us to think hard where we fit and why.
Here is the scenario that frightens me, though: three babies and no father, one mother, probably quite bitter, raising more bitter kids that are feeling the lack of the second parental unit. They feel the pain, the anger, the rejection, take it into their adulthood and get hooked on drugs, alcohol, disfunctional relationships, promiscuity. Is that what you want to see the world become in the next generation? Now, on the other hand, if there is abuse, you don;t want to see that either.
It has become a very complicated, disjointed world, all we DO have is each other's acceptance and kindness and communication. And hopefully the kids understand their world and learn to cope with it.
It's gross and weird and it
It's gross and weird and it messes kids up. My mother was one of those. Couln't keep her damned legs shut for nothing! Had kid after kid, never once taking the kid she ALREADY HAD into consideration. Had to hold on to those loser men, you know. I'm ashamed that I came out of her scuzzy body!!
my mom had my brother and i
my mom had my brother and i by the same loser, but she still sounds a lot like your mom. she allowed our sf to abuse us and her, as long as he didn't leave. ruin my kids lives, just don't leave. carry home std's or whatever you might get from all the nasty bitches you cheat on me with, just don't leave. all that mattered was holding onto her worthless dh. my brother and i were no more than a welfare check to her. i am ashamed to have come from that abomination of a woman, as well.
I have a friend that has 4
I have a friend that has 4 kids by 3 different dads. I love her, and her kids.
This thread is out of hand.
Who am I to judge someone else's past?
That's all I have to say.
bi...I'm so sorry. I can
bi...I'm so sorry. I can totally sympathize. Unfortunately, we cannot choose our parents, or force them to make decent choices. My mom sat on her hands and let her loser husband beat on me, too. Just as long as he stayed. Desperate whore.
thank you. i always knew even
thank you. i always knew even as a young kid that one day she would be all alone because of what she has done, and she sort of is. she got bariatric surgery and lost a ton of weight and divorced him. nice, huh? after he ruins our childhoods and the damage is done, she leaves him because SHE feels better now and doesn't need him anymore. selfish c**t. i ran away at 15 and had a baby at 16 just to escape. she's remarried now, but they've been seperated for several years. she lives alone and apparently likes it that way. she's more and more hateful as the years go by. she will never be in a relationship again. my brother can't stand her. i can't stand her. most of the family can't stand her. over the years, she turned into a braindead drunk. she can't go more than a day, and even a day is hard for her, without getting drunk. and she truly does lose all ability to think, and that skill was weak to begin with. she will strip in front of strangers, stagger around and fall, she spins in a circle slapping her right hip and calls that "dancing", oh my God, i could go on for days.
she has 3 grandkids and would rather be drunk and stupid than spending time with them. i had her babysit against my better judgement a couple of months ago, and i got called once on the way there to see if i was there yet, twice while i was at the restaurant with my bff to see how much longer til i was leaving, and once on the way home to see when i would be there. why? because she was in a big yank for me to get back and get my son so she could get drunk all by herself. :? she truly is disgusting. i want to smack her every time i see her.
she ruined last thanksgiving by getting drunk and only cooking half the meal. i'm so done with that bitch. there will be no more holidays with her. thanksgiving was the last straw. she's all freaked out about 12/21/12 and insists that my brother and i and our kids HAVE to be at her place that day. uh, no. if the world is ending, i don't care to go out around her drunk ass and stupidity. no way am i going there on that day. she'll be lucky to see us for Christmas, since that's always a drunkfest, too. just what i want my kids to look back on in the future and have for memories. man, i HATE that bitch.
My mom also waited for too
My mom also waited for too much damage to be done before she finally divorced. Maybe our moms are related? Lol! My mother is a sociopath and I hate hate hate her. I have not seen her or spoken to her in 22 years. I was 19 when I told her to french kiss my ass. I never want to see her again. I tell my kids that she is dead. It was always about her. I hope that abusive, controlling man was worth everything that she gave up to be with him.
(((((hugs)))))
Former SD15‘s BM has three
Former SD15‘s BM has three kids by three different guys, and only x-H was involved at all in his child’s life. She wasn’t married to any of them and the older two have nothing to do with their fathers. When BMs are stupid enough to do this, they have mental and drug problems usually and the kids end up completely f’ed up.
BM liked sleeping around with guys and wasn't really even dating. She and x-H were just “f-buddies”. He was 18 and stupid, but BM was 28 at the time and the mom to 2 kids, lied about being on birth control. My guess is she wanted a source of income from child support since the other dads weren’t paying and xH was in the military.
BM’s kids were taken away for abuse and put in foster care and then did nothing to get her kids after they were taken away. She left the state and didn’t even show up for court appearances.
These kids were doomed from the start. Their BM was a nutjob. My marriage ended having to deal with the insanity of dealing with SD15 and her crazy half-siblings.