:? Is there any way to hint to a almost 21 year old SS that you really want him to find his own place without your SO getting upset about it? I am just not happy that he is still living with us..
Don't hint to the kid. That makes SO feel you are attacking his child.
Have a calm, brief talk with your SO. Beforehand, think about your goals. Is SS working or otherwise capable of living on his own? What might it take to get him to that? Does SS have other places to live, like with his mother if he has to? How long would be okay for SS to stay?
Write it down if you need to but having some particular goals is more helpful than just telling SO hey your kid has to move out.
I am just so tired of EVERY single morning I have to look at him right away and I just look forward when he leaves for work..It is depressing me again, even though I am in counseling to try to get past this issue. Yesterday I flushed the toilet 3 or 4 times after he had been in there. He flushed it, but it didn't all go down because he doesn't have enough common sense to hold the lever down. He makes himself coffee and has cereal every morning and does laundry, but of course does not offer a dime towards living here. He is a floor lead at a cheese plant, only been there a year, but should be able to find a cheaper place and get the heck out of my hair. At 56 years old, I sure don't like having a kid living with me still. If I want to look at anyone in the morning, I want it to be my SO or otherwise be by myself. It's not that he is a bad kid, besides smoking pot and drinking beer, but I am just so annoyed that he is living with us. I like to have sex with my SO on the weekends because we do not have much time with each other during the week, due to his long work hours. Last Sunday the kid left so I thought to myself "Yea, my SO and I can play around now beings he is gone. Thank goodness we shut our bedroom door because as soon as we were in the middle of things - here comes the annoyance back already. I just got very upset because it seems that my SO and I never have time alone. This happens all the time. I don't know the solution to my problem.
My SO says nothing. He said lots of times that as soon as his son was 18 that he would be out of here, but we see how that went. I am tempted to tell my SO that the day his son moves out, that is the day my sex drive will go wild. Maybe this would do the trick - a little bribery. LOL He wonders why I never want to have sex anymore??? Let me see??
Remind your SO of him saying his son would be out of there at 18 and introduce a plan to get him launched. If he pays no rent there, he certainly should have some money to move out. Set a date and stick to it. Then have your SO be in agreement with you that the son never move back in. It is in his best interest, time to be a man. He needs to give back his key and call before he comes to visit.
The rule has always been at my house that no adults live with me and my husband. Both SDs are adults (and I use the term loosely) and neither one lives with us. In fact, they never have, even as minors. I have been very lucky in that respect.
That sounds like a plan, but I have a feeling that my DH will just get angry with me if I even mention a plan such as this. And call before he comes-the greatest idea ever! A man? Ha,far from it! Like I said, it's not that he is a bad kid, it's just the same routine every single morning that starts my day in a bad way. He makes his coffee, has his cereal, a cup of coffee, takes a big dump, and then can't even flush the stool twice to get it to all go down. Then he sits on the sofa playing with is phone until he goes to work. I am so disapointed that he is still living with us. That is the main problem. Half of every one of my days is just ruined because he is here.
You don't understand, both of my DH last kids are spoiled rotten and he hardly ever tells them no. I feel that he would rather be with them than with me most of the time.
Well, I asked my DH if his son ever even mentioned trying to get out on his own and at first he said "No" Then he said "Well, he did mention about something in another town, but my SS also told me about that and that would be over a year away. Do I have to put up with him for another entire year or better? That's depressing! When I bring up the subject, usually my DH says "We should just get RID of him" sarcasticly. He says that he wants him out more than I do and that is a big fat lie. I said something about setting a date and he says "Ok, YOU do that" I told him that I knew he would be mad at me if I did that and he didn't comment. My DH also said that he doesn't ever want his kids to come back and say that HE kicked them out, so his son could be here forever, so it seems to me. Guess I better just quit worrying about it. My DH told me that he has given me everything and I said "Everything, except one thing" (meaning asking his son to look for his own place) and he didn't like that comment. What will be, will be, I guess. Pray for me. Thanks, Kathie
Oh, how I wish I could. Why do I keep letting him get to me everyday? Again this morning and EVERY morning, I have to run behind him as if he were a 2 year old. I have posted on the door to the laudry room to shut the door tightly, due to the air being on, but I guess he can't read very well because he always leaves it open some. WTF? You have to be here - follow some rules. Another thing that bothers me is that my DH daughter only will come over to see her dad when I am at church. What pisses me off is that he lets her get away with this sneakiness and kind of behavior. If he had any respect for me, he should tell her that if she can't come when her SM is here - that she shouldn't come at all.(that's my opinion anyway)
He keeps leaving the door to the laundry open because he is practicing passive- agressive behavior. If you asked more than three times and he is still doing it, then he is doing it to get to you. My DH did this a lot and is slowly learning it isn't a good thing for him because I have shown him I can play the same game.
As far as SD visiting when you are not there, if she can be trusted and you don't have to be around her, maybe it's a good thing.
What worked for us was putting the hammer down on overnight female guests. We suggested that since he was working and was not paying rent, he could certainly afford a hotel room....or his own place! Worked like a charm
Don't hint to the kid. That
Don't hint to the kid. That makes SO feel you are attacking his child.
Have a calm, brief talk with your SO. Beforehand, think about your goals. Is SS working or otherwise capable of living on his own? What might it take to get him to that? Does SS have other places to live, like with his mother if he has to? How long would be okay for SS to stay?
Write it down if you need to but having some particular goals is more helpful than just telling SO hey your kid has to move out.
I am just so tired of EVERY
I am just so tired of EVERY single morning I have to look at him right away and I just look forward when he leaves for work..It is depressing me again, even though I am in counseling to try to get past this issue. Yesterday I flushed the toilet 3 or 4 times after he had been in there. He flushed it, but it didn't all go down because he doesn't have enough common sense to hold the lever down. He makes himself coffee and has cereal every morning and does laundry, but of course does not offer a dime towards living here. He is a floor lead at a cheese plant, only been there a year, but should be able to find a cheaper place and get the heck out of my hair. At 56 years old, I sure don't like having a kid living with me still. If I want to look at anyone in the morning, I want it to be my SO or otherwise be by myself. It's not that he is a bad kid, besides smoking pot and drinking beer, but I am just so annoyed that he is living with us. I like to have sex with my SO on the weekends because we do not have much time with each other during the week, due to his long work hours. Last Sunday the kid left so I thought to myself "Yea, my SO and I can play around now beings he is gone. Thank goodness we shut our bedroom door because as soon as we were in the middle of things - here comes the annoyance back already. I just got very upset because it seems that my SO and I never have time alone. This happens all the time. I don't know the solution to my problem.
What does your SO say?
What does your SO say?
My SO says nothing. He said
My SO says nothing. He said lots of times that as soon as his son was 18 that he would be out of here, but we see how that went. I am tempted to tell my SO that the day his son moves out, that is the day my sex drive will go wild. Maybe this would do the trick - a little bribery. LOL He wonders why I never want to have sex anymore??? Let me see??
Remind your SO of him saying
Remind your SO of him saying his son would be out of there at 18 and introduce a plan to get him launched. If he pays no rent there, he certainly should have some money to move out. Set a date and stick to it. Then have your SO be in agreement with you that the son never move back in. It is in his best interest, time to be a man. He needs to give back his key and call before he comes to visit.
The rule has always been at my house that no adults live with me and my husband. Both SDs are adults (and I use the term loosely) and neither one lives with us. In fact, they never have, even as minors. I have been very lucky in that respect.
That sounds like a plan, but
You don't understand, both of my DH last kids are spoiled rotten and he hardly ever tells them no. I feel that he would rather be with them than with me most of the time.
Well, I asked my DH if his
Well, I asked my DH if his son ever even mentioned trying to get out on his own and at first he said "No" Then he said "Well, he did mention about something in another town, but my SS also told me about that and that would be over a year away. Do I have to put up with him for another entire year or better? That's depressing! When I bring up the subject, usually my DH says "We should just get RID of him" sarcasticly. He says that he wants him out more than I do and that is a big fat lie. I said something about setting a date and he says "Ok, YOU do that" I told him that I knew he would be mad at me if I did that and he didn't comment. My DH also said that he doesn't ever want his kids to come back and say that HE kicked them out, so his son could be here forever, so it seems to me. Guess I better just quit worrying about it. My DH told me that he has given me everything and I said "Everything, except one thing" (meaning asking his son to look for his own place) and he didn't like that comment. What will be, will be, I guess. Pray for me. Thanks, Kathie
Oh, how I wish I could. Why
Oh, how I wish I could. Why do I keep letting him get to me everyday? Again this morning and EVERY morning, I have to run behind him as if he were a 2 year old. I have posted on the door to the laudry room to shut the door tightly, due to the air being on, but I guess he can't read very well because he always leaves it open some. WTF? You have to be here - follow some rules. Another thing that bothers me is that my DH daughter only will come over to see her dad when I am at church. What pisses me off is that he lets her get away with this sneakiness and kind of behavior. If he had any respect for me, he should tell her that if she can't come when her SM is here - that she shouldn't come at all.(that's my opinion anyway)
He keeps leaving the door to
He keeps leaving the door to the laundry open because he is practicing passive- agressive behavior. If you asked more than three times and he is still doing it, then he is doing it to get to you. My DH did this a lot and is slowly learning it isn't a good thing for him because I have shown him I can play the same game.
As far as SD visiting when you are not there, if she can be trusted and you don't have to be around her, maybe it's a good thing.
What an awful situation for
What an awful situation for you. My thoughts are with you and I wish you the best of luck - whatever way you decide to go.
What worked for us was
What worked for us was putting the hammer down on overnight female guests. We suggested that since he was working and was not paying rent, he could certainly afford a hotel room....or his own place! Worked like a charm