You want kids? Are you still able? If yes find a husband who is willing. I'm surprised you placed yourself in that situation.

I'm sorry but I'd take the girl. Whether or not you like it or not she is the boys sister and its best all around that they stay together.

Good grief, no effing way am I OK with taking some random spawn of DH's ex just because DH thinks she looks sad. WTFever.

unacceptable....and ur hubby should be embarrassed...already u have to take care of HIS kids, u have to take care of another fish's kid...i dont think so! he's not thinking straight!

Well, my question would be....Is the father of the little girl coming to see her? If not then BM should spend that "quality" (LOL) time with her daughter. As in having a girls time while the boys are with you and DH.

Its not your DH responsibility!!!

I can certainly agree with those step-mothers who complain that they would have to do all the work. If the bio-father isn't involved then a SM should not expected to patrol the neighborhood and pick up orphaned kids to bring home.

But the main response I see from SM's here is "HER kid HELL no". No reason given other than its HER kid. As if it was a waif on the street they'd at least consider it.

I'm the guy who is constantly telling steps that if they're doing all the work then the kid(s) should not be visiting. The whole point of the visitation is to be with Dad and if that isn't happening then no visit at all. Further I've been advocating disengaging since I employed it with my steps well over 20 years ago. I wish there was a way to find out who first introduced it to the Internet step-parent community.

As suggested I believe it is a male/female thing. Females seem far more ready to plow aside any children not of their own womb and a good number of them even their own when they can wreck some pain on their ex. Just as we need more education before becoming parents we need more before becomeing steps because many should never become parents and a huge majority should never become steps.

What a damn cheek, its enough having his sons staying with you, but this girl as well, who has nothing to do with you, as for pouting all girls do that to get what they want, sometimes men don't get it the first times, if I had a pound for everytime my Bf says yes I agree and then does the opposite, I think you need to keep fighting your case, eventually he should get it. My Bf was also a Disney Daddy, now he realised how much I did and do, he has started to parent his children properly, but by God has it taken effort, rows, time and me threatening to leave, men can be so thoughtless.

OMG! I would never spite a chld, regardless of what the adults do. The girl is a baby, 6 years old, I'd be in favor of maybe having her over once a month and on special occasions, to share them with her brothers. It's possible to make her understand that she cannot come every time, it does depend on how active her dad is in her life too. Like the other poster says a good male role model is important to a little girl. I'd be watching BM closely at the same time, if it's just that she wants to 'dump' the girl because she has plans I'd be taking NONE of them that weekend!
Let DH know that he is going to be responsible for the kids, all three, and you are going to spend just a couple of hours with them doing the fun stuff and he can do the cleaning up. The audacity of BM's is astounding at times! BM might need to hook herself another 'ticket' so it might just be helpful all round to have the girl visit...LOL then once another 'ticket' is found you will see it taper off. I get the little girl pouting thing, I know of very few men who can resist that...don't come down too hard on him for that...LOL

No. Not happening. He can call you selfish and petty. So why doesn't he go to Exs house for the weekend and stay with her? Then all the kids can be with their parents.
Really, namecalling doesn't affect me anymore. Water off a ducks back. Bring it on and call me as many names as you can muster in one breath.

I would tell him she is welcome when you have a child of your own. Then it is completely in his court. If he argues then tell him why is it OK to take care of his wifes child (who he is not married to) but not a child with you (his wife)? And why would 12 yr old and 10 yr old boys want to be 'playing' with a 6 yr old girl?

No it's not a guy thing, you're not getting away with that OCC. You are not even an expert about guys. My DH was put in this exact situation by our BM who had another kid from another man long after their separation. Both DH and I could see coming the eventuality when this kid got palmed off with the others on us. This was because BM was lazy and wanted free childcare, she also wanted to hurt the other dad by putting the child far away during times he could have had her, she also wanted to manipulate all her children into bonding together with her as one unit that excluded all dads, she also wanted me to do extra work, and so on and so on and so on. The method used was the usual, her being put on the phone with a sweet little baby voice, her being presented at every handover for a kiss, the skids not understanding why she could not come over too, etc etc etc.
YOu have to look at the motive to the BM in all this. If the other kid is coming along as a friend would and all the adults are friends, then it's fine and absolutely acceptable, after all if we coparent our skids then of course we have their school friends round to play and stay. If, however, we are manipulated into it to suit the needs of the absent parent then no, the whole thing is unhealthy. But the real issue for my DH was this. If any accident happened to this third party's child when she was with us, then who was responsible? Who was he to approach if BM was unavailable? He would not be able easily to get hold of the real dad and then, his own children would be put in loco parentis when they were under-age. As far as he was concerned, that was unfair pressure on his kids. Never mind the possibility of allegations being made against either of us, further demands leading to even more extensive demands, and so on and so on.

I can vouch that my DH is the most adoring, most codependent sort of a parent when it comes to his kids, he would absolutely bend over backwards to put them before me and even his biokids with me, and he would cuddle any baby he saw on the street and do anything for any orphan, but, look after that sort of BM's other kid? HELL NO even he was not ready to do it. He knew it was aimed to damage his relationship with his wife and kids.

So stop attempting to talk for all men OCC.

And OP, if the BM is not obviously a manipulator meaning that you do not need to cite my DH's sort of reasons, it's simple: agree to his having all 3 of them but only on occasions when either you or he are staying elsewhere. That way, who cares -- if he wants to pick up the emotional tab, so be it. But, if he continues not to want a child when you do, time for a trial separation I would say.

My DH only has the 2 kids from the BM but he used to always try to bring along other kids on his weekends with Skids. His nieces and nephews. I let it slide a few times but after a while it got tired real quick. Eventually I just started saying NO. I get the whole "I wanna be a good uncle" thing, but seriously? I'm no ones day care center so NO, I don't want anyone elses kids at my house besides my DHs kids. So you are NOT wrong at all. These BMs are really a fucking piece of work aren't they?

I can't believe no one has seen what I see in this post. Annoyed- your DH is still in love with his ex, or at the very least has some unresolved feelings. He's trying to impress her with his kindness- at your expense. Plus, this has got to be confusing for his boys- why on earth would their half sister suddenly, after six years, go to thier dad and SM's house?

Bur WHY did he feel bad? What tie on God's green earth does he have to this little girl other than his ex?