Clueless bio parents to 15 yr old daughter cutting herself
My boyfriend has a 15 yrs old daughter who has started cutting herself to relieve her pain. I was surprised that my BF and ex wife think that their daughter is to smart and will stop cutting herself. This girl has so much pressure on right now with her mom always hounding her about which University she will attend next year and she needs to get a job this summer and get her license. And heaven fobid she gets a "B" in any of her classes at school. Mom wants her to get straght "A"s" so that she has a better chance of getting into a University. Dad (my BF) on the other hand always wants her happy so he buys her what ever she wants. He still feels guilty about the divorce (it's been 3.5 yrs - get over it already!)and has a hard time saying no to her. She is the type of teen that does not express her feelings to anybody. She holds everything in until she get angry and begins to slam doors and even then she will only discuss a small amount of what she is feeling inside. I also need to mention that she has a boyfriend and he has been pressring her to sneak out of the house at night to do what ever teenagers do (We know what they do, we were teens once). When her mom found out she had a long talk with her and put her on restriction for 2 weeks. The mom asked if she was having sex and she said she has not had sex with her bf and her mom and dad totally believe her. They say tehy believe her because her grades are up in school and she is a smart girl and would never have sex at her age. COME ON PEOPLE, REALLY. I DON'T HAVE KIDS AND I SEE THE WRITING ON THE WALL. YOUR DAUGHTER NEEDS HELP AND SHE IS SCREAMIGN FOR YOU TO HELP HER. WHAT IS IT GOING TO TAKE FOR YOU TO TAKE HER TO COUNSELING. HOW COULD YOU BE SO NAIVE. THESE PEOPLE ARE IN DENIAL AND IT DRIVES ME CRAZY!
go to your courthouse and
go to your courthouse and fill out an ex parte order. they will baker act the girl and have her in a recovery center for a few days. they will refer to outside counseling. you can do the order anonymously.
or, just let her keep doing it. and when someone outside the family notices and gets her help and the girl states how all of u knew about it and did nothing, u can all get in trouble for child abuse and neglect.
i left partly due to that reason.
i would make a call to the
i would make a call to the school and talk to a counsellor there.... tell them you are concerned and BM & BD are not doign anything.
You unfortunately can't do
You unfortunately can't do much to help her; this is a problem i had as a teen so i speak from experience. First off u can talk to her till you're blue in the face but odds are even she doesn't fully know why she's doing it, chances are it stems from a whole web of issues that have happened from the early stages of her life (which means before you and you need to tread lightly when discussing this issue with her or you will end up being little more then an intrusion or worse!) Her biological parents need to seek out a professional that is experienced in this issue to start the long and slow healing process. In the mean time you can check out a book called "cutting" by Steven levenkron and possibly "the highly sensitive person" by Elaine Aron.... Very helpful books! Other wise just keep pushing your boyfriend to find her help or at least have him read the books lol. Its a problem that has the potential to become out of even her control very quickly so the sooner the better.
In my experience... there are
In my experience...
there are both inpatient & outpatient programs for this...
Take her to the hospital!!!
Emergency ROOM...
Show the doctor the cuts & SCARS... and say she needs HELP...
If the Bio parents are NOT doing anything...
or think this ISN'T SERIOUS...
Show them web pages Search "cutting yourself"...
This is the first step to suicide...
GET HELP...Immediately
1-800-273-TALK (8255): National Suicide Prevention Hotline,
a 24-hour crisis line for if you're about to self-harm.
1-800-334-HELP (4357): The Self-Injury Foundation's 24-hour crisis line.
You are completely wrong
You are completely wrong cutting has absolutely nothing to do with suicide!! Helping a TRUE cutter is a very difficult task for even some professionals. A hospital is a good place to take her but it needs to be the bio parents that do it!
(i was a serious cutter, a family member of mine (who wasn't involved in my life at the time of my cutting) has a phd from Harvard in phsycology and works on the adolescent ward of our local mental health hospital, a place i also volunteer at every week) so i do have experience on this one. Immediate action does need to be taken, maybe gather some info on the resources/treatments available in your area and present all the options to the bio and gentley push him to decide the best coarse of action. Taking it upon yourself to have her admitted without her bio's permission should be the absolute LAST option.
I do wish that you pick up the "cutting" book i previously recommended will help everyone involved understand the condition.
I am not going to get into a
I am not going to get into a pissing contest on this..
Take the child to the hospital... and NO...
You don't have to be a bio parent to do it...
Call an ambulance the next time she cuts herself if you have to...
This is a VERY SERIOUS problem...
Start here on your research for the child...(GET INFORMED)
http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Cutting-Yourself
IT's NOT going to go just go away...
My step daughter threatened suicide...
She was put into a program the very next DAY...
IT HELPED!!!
DON'T DELAY...
^^^^ don't get me wrong you
^^^^ don't get me wrong you definitely took the correct & brave coarse of action when *suicide* threats get put on the table!
I have had the same issue. My
I have had the same issue. My 13 yo stepdaughter was "thrown" at me and my husband by her biological mother because she was cutting herself. We immediately took her to an inpatient facility and they rejected her! They asked her if she wanted to harm herself and she said NO. So they turned us away because "she told them she wasn't a danger to herself or others." We then started taking her to a therapist. She got her to explain why she was cutting herself (let me make this point..she has never cut herself while in our custody). She has not cut herself since, but the frustration of no assistance was insane!
Cutting is a form of release
Cutting is a form of release for her emotions that she feels she cannot express to her parents, friends, or anyone. She needs counselling but BIO parents need to do that. My SS cut himself, we took him to counselling which taught him there are other ways to deal with his emotions. HE STOPPED, so yes they will stop but they need help and understanding. I think you need to sit down with the BIO parents and discuss your concerns for her to get them to get her the help she needs.
My situation was this... MY
My situation was this...
MY SD just turned 17...
Threatened suicide...
Even I didn't think she was "SERIOUS"
BUT...
I TOOK it SERIOUS...and ACTED SERIOUS...
She (the child) said... AFTER the threat...
I am not a danger to myself... (sound familiar)
and Bio Mom said I can't MAKE her go to counceling...
Bio Dad is a useless half twit.. who as recently as Mother's day weekend bought the 17yr old alcohol.. Rum and Vodka...
(See what I am dealing with, but that is for another whole post)
I said, IF she doesn't GO to counceling I'm leaving...
Saying I will not be part of this BS anymore...
We are all going to do something or I am leaving...
There was SO much BS with the 17SD leading up to this moment..
there isn't enough room or time to type it all...(IT WAS BAD!!!)
When the younger SD14 found out I left...
She VERBALLY ripped the older SD17 a new one...
Told her... He is the best thing that has ever happened to US...
and you are RUINING EVERYTHING...
(This is what mom heard as SD14 screamed at her sister)
That was all on a Friday evening...
SD17 Told mom & sister...
I will do what I need to do to get HIM back...
Sunday I took over...
First thing I did was use the CAR as leverage to the child...
You want use of a car...
You go to counceling...
Stay in School...(huge issue... see below why)
Pass your classes... (not looking for A's) JUST PASS...
She went to group counceling twice a week for 6 weeks...
Most of the kids in the councelling WERE CUTTER's
IT HELPED, Wasn't perfect & still isn't... but WAY BETTER...
We came to find out she was being BULLIED by kids in school...
So we had her graduate early...
She now has her own car, a job, starts college in the fall and a mandatory meeting with me every week to go over her responsibilities, emotional check, and praise and/or lecture... if she misses a meeting, or fails in her responsibilities...
The car is DISABLED...
With the statement you can either work with us...
or do it all on your own...
It's YOUR choice.
MY point... We are the parents...
and you don't have to be BLOOD to be one...
DO SOMETHING... FIND SOME LEVERAGE
THE CHILD NEEDS HELP...
I'm a youth care worker and
I'm a youth care worker and cutting is a warning sign of serious child abuse that occurred. It is because there's pain and suffering, quite often it's a result of sexual abuse, this is a cry for help in a very obvious form.
Sorry but I had to comment on
Sorry but I had to comment on this. As a person who has experienced self harm first hand, I have to say this thread contains MANY misconceptions.
Self harm seldom has anything to do with suicide, in fact it is a way to keep oneself away from such drastic measures!
I really REALLY hope you didn't drag her to hospital! To be honest if someone had done that to me when I was struggling with self harm, it would have made me relapse even more and perhaps done it to a potentially lethal level!
I hope your SD is doing better now and you managed to help her someway. Ultimately though, she has to WANT to be helped, you can't force her to stop as that will make her emotional pain a million times worse! The only thing you can really do is be there for her, show her she can talk to you if / when she is ready and also push BF / BM to talk with her. I feel for her
And she's incredibly lucky to have a step mum who cares enough to post here about it.
She got her to explain why
She got her to explain why she was cutting herself (let me make this point..she has never cut herself while in our custody). She has not cut herself since, but the frustration of no assistance was insane!
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