You are here

Refusing To Have SD At My Mom's Funeral

mizcece's picture

Submitted by mizcece on Sun, 06/17/2012 - 9:13pm

Forums: 
General Discussion

To those that know from my other posts, my mother passed away from her illness. I told my husband that he cannot bring her to my mother's funeral. I told him find a babysitter or stay home! I am sorry, I already have to share my home with her this summer. My mother's funeral is time for my family and I. She is not welcome there, period!

dontcallmestepmom's picture

Submitted by dontcallmestepmom on Sun, 06/17/2012 - 10:26pm

I am so sorry. She should NOT be there, if you do not want her there. Period.

mizcece's picture

Submitted by mizcece on Mon, 06/18/2012 - 6:38am

SD11 had never met my mother. I just feel that since she is so needy and clingy with her Daddyyyyyy! I feel that by bringing her to the funeral he will be so concerned with her and cannot offer me the support I need; no use of him being there! Besides, my SD11 tells all people's business and I like to keep my family business private, BM and my in-laws don't need to know the intricate details of my mother's funeral.

instantfamily's picture

Submitted by instantfamily on Mon, 06/18/2012 - 12:35am

Wow.

My husband and I seriously considered not having the skids at our wedding. Weddings and funerals are time for people to come together and celebrate life. Unruly children have no place at either. Your husband should be there for YOU and especially if you're having people to your home or somewhere for a reception you certainly don't need the drama of a stepchild to add to your pain and stress. You need time to grieve and go home afterward and grieve some more- alone; with your partner's support; without a needy skid around.

I truly hope that you find some solace and I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know the history but you shouldn't be made to watch children while you're grieving your mother's passing. Someone else needs to step up. I hope you find some resolution and peace in all of this.

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Mon, 06/18/2012 - 4:58am

I am so sorry for your loss. If you don't want SD there and she does not know how to act, she is not invited and should not attend. If your DH doesn't get that, he needs to stay away with her.

I am dealing with something similar although still in illness stage but that is what I am thinking on it too! unfortunately. Sad HUGS

stepmisery's picture

Submitted by stepmisery on Mon, 06/18/2012 - 7:13am

Sorry for the loss of your mother. If SD never met her, there is no need or expectation for her attend the funeral.

Many times parenting means paying more attention to the parenting than to whatever or wherever the parent and child are. You are probably quite right that your husband would need to parent her, so I wholeheartedly agree with you, there is no need for SD to go. A babysitter is very appropriate in this circumstance.

It would probably be better for your DH to not attend and you not have expectation of support during the funeral than for him to attend with his daughter and have to parent her.

smdh's picture

Submitted by smdh on Mon, 06/18/2012 - 7:34am

I am so sorry for your loss. I think you're perfectly within your rights to make this request. The kid never met your mother. She has no business there. She will feel no loss and no sympathy for anyone there. Combine that with her personality and she will make people uncomfortable.

I lost an infant a few years ago. My dh insisted SD be at the funeral since she "lost" her sibling. I was mad as hell. I didn't want her there. She didn't "lose" anything. She actually threw a temper tantrum because "no one is even paying attention to me, all anyone cares about is THAT baby". If I could have moved more quickly (major surgery) I might have smacked the shit out of her.

Do not let her come if you don't want her there. It will stress you out and you don't need that. This is about you, not her.