Please help me :(
Long story short.. I live with my fiancé we get his SS every other weekend, his BM is a total crazy bag who wants nothin but to create drama and conflict any way she can, I can't stand her!!!! SS is 5 with bunch of problems ADHD and mental handicaps but he does know right from wrong ... I can't stand SS as he is spoiled rotten , doted on because of his mental illnesses which to be honest are no that severe.. He never listens whines a lot , talks back, my DH feels guilty a lot so he doesn't put his foot down much and leaves me to do it mostly. Ok so here is the problem I need help with! Whenever I discipline SS my hubby will run down the hallway and be all like what's goin on? Why are you sending him To to his room!? What the hell? Blah blah blah like he's some kind of referee or something, I feel like he is totally undermining me and making me look stupid Infront of his son and making me look like the bad person, which in turn makes me resent SS a lot and DH. I don't know what to do anymore! I resent the poor kid and I hate him because he is the offspring of such a horrible BM that I can't stand it when it's our weekend on friday and I'm always in a bad mood now and count the hours until he leaves on Sunday! I feel like this is no way to live!! I don't feel I'm cut it for this step parent crap because I can't stand the kid for so many reasons! I feel like he is always the topic of my fights and arguments with my hubby and hubby always is on his sons side he rarely backs me up or leaves me to do the parenting when kid is bad.. He's told me he is just way over protective and he's sorry but I feel like I'm the odd one out and it's not fair! And what makes it harder is that me and DH have a kid on the way.. So much for a clean breakup :/ I can't live this way anymore what advice can you give please anybody? I'm desprit to get help with his or I'll have no choice but to leave and I don't want to leave my fiancé of two yes but I feel like its him and his son then me and in my eyes this is not fair. If I cannot disipline the kid without a referee telling me what to do ect hen I'm scared it will be same way when my kid is born. How do I get over hating my bratty step sons guts and resenting him for being the kid who's getting in the way of my happy marriage and the kid who came from such an evil BM who I hate to no end.
My DH was like this when we
My DH was like this when we first got together, but I made it clear I am an "all or nothing" type and he couldn't pick and choose what he wanted from me. If you aren't allowed to discipline the kid, don't. However, make sure your fiance knows that if this is what he wants then his kid is 100% his problem and his responsibility. If he wants to be the sole disciplinarian he gets to be the chauffeur, babysitter, entertainer, caretakes 100 % as well. No asking you to take care of him while he works or runs to the store for 5 mins, no asking you to help get him ready, help bathe him, give him medicine, make sure he eats, NOTHING. You are no longer responsible for this kid at all and are only going to participate or hang out w them when you want. If he wants someone to watch his kid and take care of him but shut her mouth when he does something wrong then he can call a sitter, period. Enjoy your pregnancy and your new baby when s/he arrives and focus on that. If your fiance wants to be the one to take care of his son then that is one less thing you have to do.
Thank you for your response,
Thank you for your response, I will try talking to DH again tomorrow about that topic.. I read lots of other posts on this site tonight and came to the realization that I do not love my SS, I don't care if he gets disciplined or spanked or yelled at I don't care if he's crying or whining , just like another lady said on here, I don't want to see the kid starve I want him to be clothed and warm and with food in his belly but above that I really couldn't give a crap. I can't tell my fiancé that I hate his son he would be very hurt and I don't blame him.. Maybe I'm just no the right woman for him then if I just want him and nothing to do with his son? I keep saying how I want to move far away to my fiancé, and to be honest the sole reason I want to move is so we can get on with our Family together ( I'm prego) and have not much to do with the annoying kid or his BM . Quite frankly I feel bad about that as I realize nobody should be torn away from their offspring I just feel like if the kid was to parish I would be more happy than not cause I would finally have what I really want my hubby to myself without the drama of the ex BM and her stupid retarded son whom is way too spoiled for his own good considering he never listens talks back whines does bad things every single time you arnt watching him like a hawk and he lies and is showing a lot of manipulative traits just like his crazy BM . God help all us women who are in this situation! I will tell u one thing!! If I get out of this relationship and move on with my life I'm NEVER GOING TO DATE OR BE WITH A MAN WITH KIDS EVER AGAIN!!!!!
And I would like to add how
And I would like to add how utterly frustratin it is that the SS gets special treatment because he feels guilty that he doesn't spend a lot of time with him and that SS is a kid with two sets of so called parents.. Why the guilt? Tons of kids are in the same boat! Tons of parents for that matter ! Kid gets two birthdays two Xmas two Easters two homes filled with toys, guilty parents who spoil and dote on him not to mention grandparents and aunts and uncles! And I'm suppost to feel sorry and bad for the kid? I think not the kid has it better than I ever did and still has it better than me and DH ... Arghhhh!
Wow.. Listen to me.. I've got
Wow.. Listen to me.. I've got a lot of pent up anger and frustration.. I don't have anyone in my life I can talk to about this stuff, I have no aunts or uncles or grandparents, parents desided alcohol and eachother were more important than me and my sisters.. They would jjudge me so cannot talk to them
life is rough right now and have baby on the way, I'm beginning to feel more and more like my relationship with my fiancé is doomed and I'm scared because I am in a high risk pregnancy an I have no job anymore, fiancé supports me, I feel somewhat trapped and with nobody to talk to... I bawled my eyes out tonight and then found this site. Hopefully things change or I don't know what's going to happen and I'm very scared and alone 
First of all don't marry this
First of all don't marry this guy. This problem with both father and son will not get better and in fact will get worse if you marry him. Jeeze girl with a billion childless men in the world you can find one I'm sure. I know its hard breaking up and working up a new romance but I assure you its a lot less work than trying to be a step-parent.
I'm serious. Start making arrangements now to move out and be gone by the end of June. Recognize this situation for what it is - a emotional bottomless pit which will destroy you.
Use the search engine for this site and use the key word "cry". Then "leave". That's you a year or two from now if you don't heed this advise.
I am sorry that you are in a
I am sorry that you are in a position where you feel you have no choices.
Do not marry this man. Start making your plan to get away. How employable are you? What kind of childcare could you get? Would it be possible to get financial and other aid in order to go to school, if that is needed?
Start saving pennies and dollars here and there and stash it somewhere he won't find it. Build yourself a little nest egg.
You need to start feeling that you have alternatives. Start planning what you can do to improve life for yourself and your child. Even with the father being such a bad parent, you can influence your child the way you want, use discipline, guidance and reason to raise your child. Later on you can learn how to work with him and support the father/child relationship but for now begin to focus on NOT marrying this man and your life and future apart from him.
I hear what your saying
I hear what your saying people, if imnot happy get out.. But easier said than done! ::(
I've never found a more caring man in my life, and he's also my best friend, the one Obsticle in my path is his stupid child and his bm... If they suddenly were to disappear I would be the happiest woman on earth. I need to find a way to get over m hatred towards bm and start to accept stupid ss... Other than the fact that yes I do feel trapped as I have no job or money or my own at the moment , I do love my fiancé very much and am very upset over this whole thing, the big right we had over ss5 yesterday I have been in my room ever since, do not want to be touched by him or talked to, I just want to cry into my pillow and wish I had never gotten myself in this position im in.
He is not caring of you
He is not caring of you though, is he? If he leaves you to manage his own child and then makes you feel bad for your methods of discipline? Where is the planning, the discussion, the taking of responsibility on his part? However, whilst I agree with other posters thus far, I have 2 further points to make. (1) You have come onto the adult stepkids forum so we're all a bit anti the stepkid scenario here, we've many of us done 20 years of it + and it tends to get worse if it starts bad. Have a go on the "Blended Family" forum or the general forum to find step-parents of younger kids and see if they have more neutral advice and ideas. (2) If you want to make a go of it with this guy, have a look at this webpage for some ideas for keep you sane: http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html.
My only advice is what I did,
My only advice is what I did, I split with my bf last week, he was way over protective of his daughter, she is at times very badly behaved, he just lets her get away with it, he wanted me to be Mummy when it suited him, the day before I was due to leave, he came to me and cried, he did'nt want me to go, I told him how I felt, he said that I pick on Sd6 sometimes, I said thats because you never punish her, when she disrespects me you don't do anything, I feel resentment, do you understand now? He said that he did, so here we are trying again, I had to threaten to leave to force him to finally get it, I know that it could still go horribly wrong, as you are feeling so upset about things, I would say the time has come for you to threaten to leave unless things change, your pregnant, your Bf should be trying to keep the stress levels in your home to a minimum, it does sound as though he also expects you to be Mummy when it suits him, I said to bf that Im Mummy all the time now, with that comes respect and I will be listened too, if he dos'nt then Im leaving. If you are not respected in your own home then something is very wrong indeed.