Fight fire with fire, if you have kids talk about DH behind his back. When he's present send secrative glances to your kid and smile. It might get the point across.

Of course your husband was participating by listening to his daughter bad mouth you. I’m sure you have heard the old adage, silence gives consent. I am not going to mince words here; he is a total asshole. And, if he can’t figure out that his daughter is in competition with you, because she is ragefully jealous of you and sees you as a nasty interloping peer to be disposed of, he is also stupid. Your marriage will never last if he doesn’t smarten the hell up but fast. You can tell him I said so too!

I believe a lot of adult stepchildren are as concerned about inheritance as anything. Has a method of inheritance been set up from husband to daughter? Perhaps a living trust whereby even if you continue to use his home until you die for instance it'll eventually go to his children and not yours?

Have husband sit his kids down, with you, and openly explain how his assets will not be inherited by you and passed on to your heirs.

It's doesn't have to be negative - wife isn't getting this - but positive - this is how my home will be passed on to child.

Oc, What is with you and the "make sure you tell the kids about their inheritance" and all will be well? That is the most one sided piece of advice I have heard. And I keep hearing from you to almost every poster. Sounds like you are a SD trying to convince all to make sure to keep the dad's kids protected....

This inheritance thing keeps coming up on this site. WHILE WE ARE ALIVE IT IS NO ONE'S INHERITANCE, for heaven's sake, any property, money or assets a person or couple has is theirs, no one elses and I for one would not be getting into a discussion with my kids or my husband's kids about who gets what when I die so THESE greedly little cows can be happy. OUR MONEY IS NOT THEIR INHERITANCE OR THEIR ANYTHING so why would I be discussing OUR financial situation with them. There are no guarantees in this life we all hope to die before our children and God willing that mercifully will be the case, but as I said there are no guarantees, that being the case I would love to see the look on my husband's daughters greedy little face if we were to go around there and say, well we are concernned that your live in boyfriend will get your assets when you die, so therefore we want to know exactly where we stand in your will...............Can you imagine the outrage. Her assets are not ours, just as ours are not hers.

That aside, your are absolutely right. Your husband sitting there allowing his daughter to bad mouth you and saying nothing is absolutely allowing her to think that by his silence he agrees with everything she says. His silence is complacency, and she will take his silence as agreeance with her. I would not though as one poster has suggested get your kids in on the act and have them talk badly about your DH behind his back, that will just make a bad situation worse and neither of you should be involving your kids be they young or old kids in your marital woes. This is between you and your husband and he needs to shut his daughter down and tell her he will not listen to her badmouthing his wife. However, I have a horrible feeling his is going to be one of these weak ones who won't stand up to his daughter. You are going to have a long battle on your hands over this, but it is a battle worth fighting if you want to save your marriage.

I agree, I have always thought a like button on the site would be great. I also understand how emotionally worn out you are and why you feel it is not worth the fight. However, even if you do not care enough to try and change the dynamics in your marriage, which I really do understand, believe me when I tell you this. IT IS WORTH THE FIGHT for you to stand up for yourself and get back your sense of self worth. We try so hard for so long to make things work and we are so busy trying to make the SK's like us so our husband's can be happy, that we never even see the toll it is taking on us and on our self esteem. YOU and your emotional and physical well being are damn well worth the fight. So, get back on the horse girl and fight for your own self respect. What do you have to lose now.

.You sound as if you are where I was 10 months ago. It makes you feel sick to the stomach. I found myself feeling sick just at the thought of SD. Weekends were a nightmare as there was always the risk she might "pop in" for a visit and do what your SD does talk endlessly about how good she was, and how bad every other person she came across was. She once went on for about 20 minutes talking about some guy that had the misfortune to be seated at a table next to her at a restaurant. Seems, this poor guy was reading the menu and didn't understand something that was on it so he asked the waitress. When she told him, he said he was from California and that they called it another name there. My husband's daughter went on and on and on about what a show off he was, how he didn't have to tell the waitress he was from California he was just showing off trying to impress people (pot calling the kettle black me thinks), but without going over things again, she seriously used to even put peopl who were on the television down. She would speak as if she knew them personally, stupid things like the couple who were on a dog show on tv and how they said they loved their dogs. This bright spark my husband produced announced very loudly, she can't have kids, that is why she loves her dogs, and she meant it. Even the embarrassed silence in the room never put her off sayhing things about other people and how stupid, ugly, fat etc., they were, and how beautiful she was. It was a nightmare. However she is NPD. Unfortunately my husband is to, but not to the same extend as the daughter. I had no option here to save my sanity she had to go. I told DH he was welcome to go with her. I have made up my mind, why should I leave my home because my husband and his daughter are sick and have a very unhealthy relationship together.

As far as resentment goes, once I realised that she was not my biggest problem, in fact DH was the biggest problem I had. It was much easier to deal with it. I felt that I did at least have some control over the situation. I started to speak up to him about issues regarding his daughter and warned him for months what was coming. I think he was pretty stunned when I finally did it, but now I only have to deal with him not his family too, so it is much easier. Your husband is more of a problem than his daughter. He not only allows this, but by his silence condons it. You will never change your sd, but you can make changes in your marriage. Let's face it, you at this point have nothing to lose do you. If things keep going the way they are, you are going to leave. I am sure you can find the strength for one last fight. Tell him, she doesn't come back, and tell him if he wants to go with her he can. But mean it. Be sure you are ready for the possibility the marriage may end. If yu are then take a chance and let him know how things are going to be from now on. No SD in your house and if you get wind of him badmouthing you, or allowing her to, tell him that will be the end. If he knows you have reached your breaking point, it may make him think long and hard about what he is doing. One last thing. All this energy you are spending hating and resenting SD would be better spend on loving yourself and being a bit kinder to yourself. Put her out of your home and your mind. I suspect she to may have the same personality disorder my husband's daughter has and if so you will NEVER change her, they cannot be t reated. They do not get well. I wish you all the luck in the world, however, as I said, firstly you need to take care of you. Your dh and his daughter are taking care of each other, so let them be, and you look after YOU.

ItAlmostWorked, I am so sorry. This crap is always so hard. You need to do whatever it takes to make sure your health is intact. That churning stomach feeling is something I know well. I don't know what to say to you, only you can know what you need to do to make things as good as they can be for you. I understand you now wanting to upset your BD given that she graduates in a year. I guess if you decide you are going to hang in there for a year, then you use that year wisely and start putting some money quietly aside for yourself. For the next 12 months make your needs are number one priority and get yourself as strong and healthy as you can. Maybe work on detaching from the two of them over the next 12 months so that if or when you do go, you have a couple of dollars put aside and emotionally you have prepared yourself for the break. It's funny how he feels sorry for HER because you ignored her, but he doesn't feel sorry for you for all the pain both he and his daughter are causing you. Whatever you decide I wish you every happiness.

If you really feel you are becoming very depressed over this please make sure you see a professional to help you through. I do understand how bad this is for you. Unfortunatley sometimes we slip so far into the depression, we don't even realise that we need help. So, if you think you are really struggling with it, please talk to your doctor.

This site can be a Godsend, and it helps to keep you sane I think. Sometimes when we are going through this with SK's we feel like we are going mad and we feel very, very isolated and alone. I think knowing others are have been through, or are going through the same stuff it helps.

Keep on being gentle with yourself, and keep making yourself the number 1 priority in your life. You are no good to anyone especially yourself if you are a broken down basket case. So, if you feel the house is getting to you, try and get out for a walk at least once a day, even half an hour is better than nothing. But do make it your business to do something nice for YOU every single day. You are important too, don't forget that. Sure DH and SD may have made you feel like nothing, but that does not mean you are nothing, you are, you are every bit as special as SD and DH, so if they don't appreciate you, well good, you can work full time on appreciating yourself.