All of the above.

The skids are bad, BM is crazy, and DH does next to nothing about it.

I disengaged cause SD started hitting/yelling/throwing things at me. not putting up with that!

I disengaged mainly because my younger SD - who was about 6 at the time sabotaged every outing I went on with my DH and elder SD. She was very hostile at home as well. In the end I just got fed up with making an effort and getting shit in return, and DH was trying to keep everyone happy and not being firm enough with her. Nothing much has changed in the last 9 years. Counting down the time till they don't come any more.

I have disengaged because of SO. I can't sit by and watch his Disney Dad, coddling ways, and him putting the kids before me. So I let him go on those weekends and do my own thing. Sometimes we get together with kids, but it's hardly ever enjoyable. I didn't raise my kids like I did just to have to listen to someone else's 7 yr old baby talk all day. It's really frustrating when you know what's wrong with someone's kids and there's nothing you can do about it...but then you're expected to be around it. Really sucks.

I have disengaged because of many factors; SD8 who lives with us, SO, and SO's family.SD is disrespectful. She ignores me and looks at my daughter when I catch her doing something wrong and call her on it. (Hello, I did say YOUR name!)SO, because he will go outside to smoke cigarettes, and SD will then decide to need help with homework, or it is after he has finished eating and the kids are still at the table. (Would it kill you to sit here 5 more minutes until they finish their food?)SD also does her ONE chore half-assed all the time, and SO lets her get away with it. I also used to try to be even stevens every time I bought something for my kids, I got the same thing for SD, or if she needed something and I was out, I would pick it up for her. This was until 2 things happened: 1. My SO sends the clothing I buy for SD to wear to mom's house and it never gets returned, EVER. She sends her home in something ugly, dirty, and 2 sizes too small and keeps the nice outfit. It was too stressful to keep track of it and I got tired of policing it, so I don't buy her things anymore, except holidays. 2. SO's mom will buy her anything she needs or wants anyway, and exclude my children, and even go so far as to act like it is a privelege for my 5 year old to get hand me downs from SD8. I take care of my own, and SO... well, he pretends to.

I disengaged because DH ringfenced his children and would not let me engage except on his terms. I have only recently realised this. At the time of disengagement I felt the Skids were the problem.

both. fdh wouldn't parent, and sd was old enough to know how to behave, but just wouldn't. she was a willfull asshole all the time. if he isn't going to teach her what she needs to know to be a successful adult, and he isn't going to back me up when i try to, why should i keep doing it? he didn't appreciate my effort, and she hated me for doing anything other than doting on her and spending money on her.

he wants to let her skip school, not my kid who won't graduate. he wants to let her drink juice or pop with dinner when my kid knows she can only have water or milk, (sd knows it too, that's why she specifically asks dad for pop or juice), it wasn't my kid who had to have 9 cavities filled, he wants to let her spend the whole weekend at her bf's house at 16, well my kid won't be a teen mom like i was, and sd is pregnant on purpose at 19. not terribly young, but she's definitely not mature enough to be a good parent. i could go on and on. i just decided that since nothing i did was appreciated, i was done doing it. she can screw her life up and fdh can watch, i don't gaf anymore. i will worry about taking care of MY kids and sd can kiss my ass.

I disengaged because DH's kid treated me like s**t and DH sat on his butt and did nothing about it. It wasn't until I told him I had found an apartment and was planning on moving out and filing for divorce (after only 18 mos of marriage) that he finally realized I had enough.

From that moment on, they were on their own. With a few exceptions, I have done nothing for his child in about 3 and half years.

i disengaged to preserve the relationships that DO mean something to me, and in order to assure the survival and growth of healthy relationships with those that I want and need in my life i disengaged.

I disengaged gradually over the past couple of years. Not because DH didn't do anything, but because DH did EVERYTHING. Early on, I WANTED an input, I WANTED to have some control over decisions in what SD ate, said, when she went to bed, if she could have a sleepover...etc. etc., but DH didn't want my help. I felt frustrated, angry and left out...all the time.

So I started to disengage, slowly. Not my kid, not my problem. If SD goes to bed at all hours...doesn't bother me because I don't get up in the morning with her (I leave for work before anyone gets up). If SD has friends over and I'm not consulted, Great! Means I have some time to myself and she's occupied, or better yet, DH and I have time with eachother. If he lets her stay up late, fine be me, more time to myself at night to chill out in my bed watching TV.

The result? We do more together now than we did before. I realized that my place in her life is not MOTHER. "MOTHER" meaning, I have a DIRECT input and responsibility in the way she's raised. I sometimes give my DH my opinion, but I always end it with.."its up to you".

I help out with her because I WANT to, not because I feel I HAVE to. DH still seems to think that I'm obligated because we are a "family", but he's still hung up on the nuclear definition of "family": Mother, Father, Child. But I know we're a different "family". He's responsible and I don't worry about stuff.

I disengaged because frankly, I got tired of being accused of "picking on his poor wittle boy". So, now I say nothing to DH in regards to his worthless kid, as long as he (SS24) never lives in my house again. I was just fine before he came along, and I'm just fine now that he's gone. Well, gone as in, not living under my roof anymore. He lives 30 minutes away, so there's still the phone calls and texts asking for shit. DH and his ex wife made the mess, they can clean it up.