Was I wrong For what I did.....venting here
:? ok, this is how this morning started out.......My son and my ss were on our laptop my other son and my sd were playing in one of our rooms together, the other sd was in the living room watching tv......so I thought id take a quick shower. This has never been a problem before-keep in mind. Well i could still hear the kids when i began the shower but i had noticed that it had gotten really really quite...uh oh!!! Well i jumped out and as I was drying off MY 3 year old comes running in to tell me that my 9 year old and my ss and youngest sd had taken off n that they left him outside all alone to walk back home by his self!!! they desserted him a whole block away from home and left him to walk back all by himself...he is three!! I threw some clothes on and started walking. I couldnt find them anywhere. Meanwhile my blood is already boiling from my baby being left like that and even being told he could go out with out me. They all come walking up and I flip. Tella ll of them to get inside and i proceededto take away all xbox's and psp's and so on.
That is when it really went bad. The ss told me that i was not his mother and that i was not to touch his shit and called me numerous names. He also proceeded to tell me that I was the next one on my recently deceased cousins killers hitlist. This really hits me!! neways we go on n on n on. neways, his sisters-my sd's-begin to try to help n keep in mind he is very violent towards them. I tild him if he was to lat a hand on them i would take that precious xbox and smash it into a million pieces. He didnt touch her but im being told that i was out of line. i thought it was what the situation called for because so far that ive seen it has been the only thing that has stopped him from hitting anybody.
Well, sd started saying he wanted to go to grandmas because this was bullshit and i asked him why that was....because i was the only person to actually punish him for his actions. Well, to make a long story short, I am being viewd as a bad person here and i am being more harsh towards him than any of the other kids. i took something away from everyone who did something. Please tell me what I did wrong, I cant see it. i remained calmed...shaking like crazy but calm and i was being called evry name you could think of. He told me my 3 year old was fine he is not a baby and he would take care of him....this whole story is sugar coated and things went alot worse than this on sd's part. Was I wrong for trying to take xbox?
NO YOU WERE NOT WRONG!
NO YOU WERE NOT WRONG!
Probably not but your
Probably not but your problems go much deeper. Are these kids here permanently or just the weekends?
If its permanently I'd move out based on my 70 years of experience because this ain't going to work. It's going to get worse as they go through adolescense if its already where you describe which is basically full throated disobedience.
If they're visiting then Dad needs to be home 100% of the time they're in the home and 100% in charge of discipline. They're there to visit with him not to be babysat by you.
No you were not wrong,
No you were not wrong, someone has to stand up to this little shit, he left your 3 yr old in the street and threatended to hit someone, as you have said he has done this before, If my sd is badly behaved I take privilidges/toys away, if she threatended to hit me, her Dad would spank her, I cannot see how you have done anything wrong? He is lucky you did'nt spank him, thats what he deserved, who exactly is telling you that you dealtt with this the wrong way? Your ss's behaviour is disgusting it has to be dealt with, I would have taken his game away for at least 2 weeks, as for him saying you cannot touch his things or tell him what to do, it is your home too and while he is there he will abide by the rules of the house, this kid needs some discipline not the softly softly approach.
No you were not wrong. I
:jawdrop: No you were not wrong. I have often thought about smashing the xbox to smithereens for much less provocation.
Well it's the mother in law
Well it's the mother in law he seems to have a problem with the way I am towards her grandson...the ss. Apparently, i am harder on him then any of the kids and i treat him like crap an cast him out. All the other kids are always playn together in one room while he sits in the bedroom crying. #1 he takes himself out of the picture because he dont like playing and the other kids try to stay away from him cause he's.....well for lack of a better word, an ass to everyone. As for him siiting in the room crying, thats a big ol line of bs.....he's prolly in there plottn how to make my life hell!!! Honestly n i hate to say this because i love kids.
I DONT HAVE NETHING TO DO WITH SS!!! When his dad is not here i stay away. I will fix things to eat and so on the basics but other than that i stay in one room and he will stay in the other. If he starts sme crap then ya I'm right there taking care of business but other than that i really dont see how any one could say i am hard on this kid. I get on to the sd's more than anything. I try to inforce the same rules of the household with the skids that i do my own. i do not play favz, that was done to me as a kid and i do not wish to put some little kid through all that.
Then, believe it or not.....Dad comes home and tries to b an adult about all this and sits us down to try to work this out and see what the problem is. ok first off, i was called a f#$%^n b!#$h right in front of dad n nothing was said....i was so angry i was tryn not to bust into tears cause the frustration was overwhelming. Then this kid my ss sits right in front of me and proceeds to tell his father that when he is gone the way i treat them is horrible......i dont even do anything and i asked him to explain to us what it is i do.....ya there was no response there n then his dad got a stick across the face.
my mothers day present to myself...i thought what about getting your old life back!!! you are with a man who is letting a boy call you a f'n b word. honestly what kind of man lets this happen? o one who says he loves you more than anything.....what is love anymore really......this isnt!!!! this is torture and i know there really isnt fairy tale relationships these days but come on, i work i come home and cook, clean while cooking, clean after cooking, laundry and get my boys ready for bed. when they are in bed i clean some more and all the while my lovely husband is sitting on his ass.....i do everything!!! i take out the trash, i fix things i hang up all the wall decor....i do it all what is the point in having a flippn man. if its for the "adult time" really that just seems to be like something else i have to do around here to make sure things are balanced.
I know this is a blended family forum but i really just woke up today hating everything about the decisions i have and havent made and seriosly need to vent cause i really would love to know how a man who made a vow to you that some how loves you so much wuld let you be treated and treat you with such well neways sorry for pouring all this out today. Happy mothers day to all who deserve it.
Oh my, you poor poor thing. I
Oh my, you poor poor thing. I feel so bad for you. You definately need to address your concerns with your SO. Maybe he just doesn't understand that you feel over burdened. If you don't make it clear what you want and expect from not only the children when they're in your care, but also him in your relationship, your going to live your life with lots of regret and "what if I had's". Men are sometimes dull to things that seem really important or overwhelming to us. Let him know how your feeling and that you expect him to get off his ass when he's home and sees you handling house work. He also needs to be more supportive of the the disciplinary path you choose for the children when he's not around. Don't mean to beat a dead horse, but he shouldn't ask you to care for his children if he isn't comfortable with your parenting style (I for one think you were very calm and collective in handling the boy, much more so than I would have been)Does he punish the kid for using profanity at all? More specifically, TOWARDS YOU! If he can't support you and stand up for you in front of the kids, thats just telling them that it's ok to treat you like sh*# and disrespect you because there are no consequences for it anyhow. Furthermore, he is supposed to be your partner, and be supportive, and dependable. And well I hate to say it honey, but if he's not being those things for you, your problem is not the ss, its him.:(
Happy Mother's Day for all it's worth and hope you get everything squared away.
Poor you, Im sorry but your
Poor you, Im sorry but your hubby sounds like an asshole, have you tried threatening to leave him? You can't live like this, Daddy and SS need a wake up call, as you are so unhappy, do you have anything to lose by telling dh that you will leave unless you are treated with more respect.
You only gave him more
You only gave him more punishment bc he fought back you weren't wrong. If he had taken his punishment like all the other kids this wouldn't have had to go any further. Your not crazy... Dad is in denial....
If I were you I'd take my own
If I were you I'd take my own kids and leave. This is not a good situation for your own children and it is your job to protect them.
No your Not In The
No your Not In The Wrong!
Some Kids and S.Kids are just down right devious ! . I'm going through something similar and I don't want to lose my husband because I'm still very much in love with him after 8 years of marriage . I literally have had everything ive ever worked for and dreamed of taken away from me. These past 8 years have changed me! I became addicted to pain medication i became hateful i became bitter ! I am not an addict anymore its been 3 years . I used to be so happy outgoing fun bubbly and my SS destroyed my Life and it can never be repared! Anyways BM kept SS away from us for almost 3 years said they moved to Ohio but that wasnt true . The past 3 years my husband and I (BD) and our Kids had actually became a real close knit family and we respected one another they have had consistency in their lives everything going picture perfact. I also had just found out In April that I was pregnant ! It wasn't planned but I already have 2 girls and had wanted to try before for a boy but it was un realistic because of the issues we had had to face 3 yrs prior . Well I'm 4 months pregnant with a baby Boy Life was going perfect. Until Last Wednesday we ran right into my husbands Bio daughter it was crazy strange we followed her in the store which lead us to BM come to find out they have lived 30 min away for the past 3 years . My husband was ecstatic to see his Kids his Bio daughter is 10 and the most caring sweetest thing in the world I love her to death but the SS is 9 and has always been very manipulative . He lies , and Whines all the time to get his way , he plays me and my husband against each other , he will hit himself and say I did it (he's been caught doing so) just a lot of other things . The BM said he could only see them if I wasn't there so I went along with it and husband spent whole day and evening wih them ! Friday he calls and wants them for the weekend , he didn't warn me didn't ask me he just totally went behind my back him knowing what ss had put me through before some how he talked bM into letting them stay till Monday . Well Fri and Sat thru the afternoon was good but when I told all four kids no more computer for the day I had some outside activitys planned ss went behind my back and told his dad that I said he wasn't allowed on compt anymore . Then my husband asked me to pick a restraunt to go to so we went to this real nice BBQ rest kinda like chilies we get in there and he tells his dad the smell in the restraunt is making him sick and starts fake gagging and put his shirt over his nose he was Absolutly humiliating us both but BD wouldn't say anything but I told him to stop and start eating. Well when we got home it drew that final line for me he was sitting talking to my little girls and SD telling them how much he hated me and that he just tells his dad that stuff so he will yell at me ! My husband is over protective of him and treats all the other kids differently even his BDaughter it's very clear who his pick is! He bought the new Samsung Galaxy Note and forbid the girls to play on it cuz it had the android game system and they were ready to play ! But Nope the girls have gotten their butts spanked for just picking it up but yesterday he handed it over to his BS HOW UNFAIR IS THAT? I love my husband and I love my SD but I cannot do this any longer. I will not bring another child into this environment . Fussing Fighting Yelling it's not fair to my kids my SD and myself. I mentioned counseling but he thinks his son does no wrong ! Now 3 children will be affected by this just because of a vendictive child who has no rules no consequences no nothing and this may sound extreme but I will not allow my husband have the baby if his BS is there. He has hurt his sisters and no telling what he would do to the new baby and it being he's not the ONLY BOY ANYMORE! Oh I almost forgot the most important part my husband went and bought him a toy which was severel diff little skate boards called Tech Decks well he had them scattered all over the floor and @ bedtime said ss pick everyone of these up cuz someone could step on one and get hurt real bad immediately he said really how? I said cuz of how small they are and they have wheels on them someone could slip and bust their heads . He didn't say anything else and picked up his mess I went upstairs to the bathroom washed face brushed teeth and not 5 min later he came knocking saying he had to pee know we have 3 baths so I came out headed down stairs and fell down 9 stairs somehow a little skateboard got placed on the 2nd to top stair we have hardwoods which made it worse . I know for a fact i am 150% certain that the skateboard was not on that stair when i went up. And he had ran out of bathroom when he heard me thankfully im ok and baby is so far ok but asked him if he went to pee he said yes well he never flushed if he did so i walked up and nothing in the toilet he then said oh yeah i got to the bathroom and it passed i didnt have to pee anymoreTonight they are all staying in a Hotel I am home packing my husbands things I'm not leaving my home and up rooting my children . If your SC are doing thinhgs now IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE ! PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN