One day and it's down the slippery slope
Quick recap: SS19, alcoholic, is here for EIGHT days due to having court case for drinking here, 1200 miles from "home." 3rd underage charge, he's had DUI, truancy, pot too. BM is a non-parent and PAS'd DH. The kid has had zero structure, rules or expectations since age 14.
Day 1: arrive, late due to delays, sick, goes to bed
Day 2: court, gets 6 month prob thanks to lawyer paid for by ILs. Goes to bed with a fever, mad about conditions of prob
Day 3: sick, DH has to find clinic that accepts SS insurance, they go, strep throat, due to 2 weeks partying, BM says (she is finally
communicating with DH)
Day 4: SS has positive attitude, talks to his PO who says they can work with SS going in service (if he does get in), has F/T job at home, plans to do his community service in 4 10s
Day 5: Nice day, went to beach, come home, SS is jonesing for booze. Wanted DH to buy him some, go out with him to bar,
DH said no, SS called BM to complain DH is being an a---, BM talks to DH, she is livid over SS (finally) DH called local friend and told him to not pick up SS (knew SS would call him), pouting SS goes to bed
Day 6: ?!
See the pattern here? The kid just spent 2 months with this case hanging over his head, it gets resolved, and one day later he wants to "go out and do it again."
Can't wait for Tuesday.
"... his PO who says they can
"... his PO who says they can work with SS going in service (if he does get in)"
If the PO is referring to military service, forget it. The services are drawing down and need to cut people loose - and recruiting criteria are going to get stricter. Having three charges against him, being a 19-year-old "alcoholic", and being on probation is a no-go. Why would they take him when there are lots of others who don't have these kinds of problems? Some of them may need discipline, sure, but they haven't crossed the line of the law.
No offense to your situation personally but is your SS really the kind of person this country needs in uniform, handling weapons and defending others?
I am always shocked by how many people (like the PO) still think military service is a "dumping" ground for people with serious problems. Nowadays, the vast majority of those who enlist join because they want to SERVE, and often have a college degree under their belt or are on their way working towards one. The stereotype of the "jail or military" enlistee is one that hasn't been based on reality for a long, long time.
^^This.
^^This.
Going in the service is all
Going in the service is all SS's idea and so far the recruiter hasn't discouraged him. He does have other options--like going to school to become an electrician (has been working with one part time) and pursuing his music career. He is seriously gifted as a drummer. But he could't hack it living here, 1200 miles from BM, and creating a life for himself with our support until he got on his feet. So he ran home. He has a rude awakening coming if he does get in--the discipline, rules, and loneliness are going to be much more severe than living in college town (where we are). We wonder if it is some deep instinctive need for discipline that is driving him. He can't impose it on himself and he certainly doesn't want to listen to anyone in the family.
Has he *told* the recruiter
Has he *told* the recruiter all of this?? On probation, drug charges, truancy charges? The recruiter will do a background check and this will all pop, even if they occurred while a minor. The vast majority of military MOSs require a security clearance these days, and a "sealed" juvenile record will no more be overlooked than his currently being on probation.
According to SS, he knows. Of
According to SS, he knows. Of course we haven't talked to him. We'll find out sometime, since we're always the last to know things. DH doesn't care if he gets in. He just wants him to get his life on track.
Believe me, we're supporting
Believe me, we're supporting BM's tough love. I'm glad she is finally dealing with it, because maybe alcoholics are born not made but she contributed to it by not getting him treatment five years ago.
It's just frustrating because DH was kept out of the loop so much. And lied to. We had no idea he was nothing more than a typical if more stupid than most teen when he came down the first time to live with us (short-lived thank God). The binging until total intoxication was a shock to us. We moved 3 1/2 years ago and the most DH had seen him since was a couple of days per year and one vacation when everything was great (he was checking our town out before moving).
After the divorce, he was just old enough not to be forced to live with a parent and he chose BM. BM had her own issues, reverting back to teen-dom and hiding things from DH, like smoking. The party line was "Daddy will be mad." Well, my DH is one of the most loving and reasonable men on earth (and I've been with some who are jerks). Once he left, it was reality show lifestyle time for BM, SD, and SS.