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I have noticed through the years that this Adult Stepchildren Issues forum seems to have the recurring themes of:
1. Mooching adult stepchildren
2. Irresponsible adult stepchildren
3. Adult stepchildren using guilt on bioparent to get away with mooching and irresponsibility
4. Marital problems caused by stepparent getting fed up with mooching irresponsible skids and guilt driven actions of bioparent.
It's sad.
This could all be solved if the bioparent quit enabling their kids to be irresponsible. Then all of it would come to a grinding halt.
Nellie
This could all be solved if
This could all be solved if the bioparent quit enabling their kids to be irresponsible. Then all of it would come to a grinding halt.
*amen to that sister!
I love your post!! So true.
I love your post!! So true. Some of us (me) are a little slow learning this but I am getting there. If we do enable it is because we think they will like us more. It rarely works that way. Thanks for straight forward advice - I Love It.
hypovic~ I truly wish my DH
hypovic~ I truly wish my DH would stop making excuses for my adult SD's. No matter how shitty, and vile they are to HIM and me, He CLEARLY sees they are not to blame for their behavior ---it's the BM ---it's this, ---it's that....it's NEVER to point the responsibility finger in front of their face and hold them accountable for their actions.
Happy for you you've got your DH on board and you can both be truly a "team". Some of us are not so lucky. ---so, yes, it makes sense, if the bio-father is in as much denial as his self-centered entitled adult princesses about their behavior and only sees COMPLETE PERFECTION --- and I seriously kid you not because he shows me every stupid loving card he sends them about how wonderful and perfect they are and how proud he is that they've "grown up" blah blah blah...
....then, yes, he is partly responsible for allowing their behavior. They really believe they are perfect little angels. As long as he believes it, and feeds it to them, what's the chances they are going to have a light bulb go off in their heads that what they are doing is inappropriate behavior?
Oh absolutely, tons of
Oh absolutely, tons of related experiences, but all are unique. So far, things are better between me and my DH. We just celebrated our second anniversary. He quit blaming me for his daughters having no-contact with him for the past 2 years. He stopped that about a year ago. --as we celebrated our "tense" anniversary last year, I made a silent commitment to myself, that if things definitely did not improve by our second anniversary, I would give it one more year after that (just to get ahead financially), and then cut my losses and get the heck out of the marriage.
For now, DH remains in contact or attempts to contact his daughters once a month or so, and sends them cards. I'm completely disengaged, even to the point where he puts only his name on the return address of the cards he sends them. They DO GET IT that I want nothing to do with them, and they 'get' that I'm disengaged (although nothing has been formally stated to them).
DH is fine with the arrangement. I don't get all freaked out and stressed anymore --he gets to attempt a relationship with them all on his own --and we get to keep our marriage and family completely separate from his relationship with his daughters. I don't know if they'll ever grow up and be capable of being a contributing member of society and actually mature into adults --whatever the outcome has no bearing on me.
DH is much more of a team-member with me in the past year, than he's ever been. I'd say we are moving in the right direction...........
>>>This could all be solved
>>>This could all be solved if the bioparent quit enabling their kids to be irresponsible. Then all of it would come to a grinding halt.<<<
I agree with Hypovic. It's entirely too simplified. It might work in some cases, but not in all. My DH is proof of that.