So yesterday my husband and I got in a huge fight. It was about who does the work around here and who gets the most time to sit around and do nothing.

First, for those who don't know my story yet (which admittedly is a day by day freak show of my emotions and feelings towards being a step parent) ... My husband has 3 children from a previous relationship. They are SD12, SS9, SD9. Together we have BS1. Skids are here EVERY weekend, save for a weekend at grandparents or a request to stay at their bm's so they can attend a birthday party or sleepover with school friends. This has been the way for the past 7 years. My husband works afternoons into the evening 5 days a week, then the skids are here. So since the baby was born, that leaves me home to handle the house and baby from about 2pm until 9:30pm.

My husband is GREAT, usually. He takes the time to listen to my feelings and try to see where I am coming from. His downfall is my fault in a sense. He has always let me take the lead on everything. From deciding when it's time to clean up, what's for meals, making sure the kids clothes are washed, ensuring baths happen every day, deciding decent punishments ect. At first I was happy to do it as I thought I was helping out and being a good wife. I was on top of EVERYTHING!

Now, I am exhausted.

So our fight consisted of him telling me he thought I had plenty of time to rest and that when he comes home from work and something isn't done around the house and I'm sitting down that it's just me being lazy and not that I actually feel I need the break. Now mind you he tried to say it nicer than that, but it still came out quite mean. To which I told him that Saturday hits and that's my serious go time. That I'm the one making sure everything is getting done and its a never ending battle. That between making meals, cleaning up after meals, chasing after messy kids, redirecting kids to re clean the mess they just said they cleaned, laundry for a house of 6, baby's naps, snacks and meals, making sure all kids, including baby get bathed every day and getting the baby and then finally the kids to bed...I'm beat. There isn't any extra time to get caught up with anything else on weekends. There just isn't. (oh did I mention my husband is now working Sun nights, so I'm left here alone with the baby and all his other kids to get them fed dinner, clean up dinner, get ready for their mom to pick them up then my night routine with baby starts right away - he's usually screaming for his bath around the time bm is picking up the kids so I'm fighting with that the whole time...) I did NOT tell him - although I feel this way - that with his other kids here, my stress levels go through the roof. I am not a fan of weekends and I'm very very tired of having the kids here. I need a serious break. But I don't want to hurt his feelings by telling him that his kids stress me the F*!K right out and that I'm getting to the point where I can't stand to be here anymore.

Enter Monday - our baby wakes up around 5-6am every day. He's an active baby, so there isn't any sitting around with him. It's chasing after him every waking moment. And I'm usually pretty beat Monday's due to the weekend.

My down time is when the baby sleeps. So whether it be nap time (he takes 2 per day) or bedtime, I try to take some me time. Maybe it is selfish, but I don't want to take my shower when the baby goes for a nap, I want to sit and relax. I just spent 3-4 hours chasing him, feeding him, changing him, playing with him, comforting him ect. He goes to sleep and I want to shut down. My husband seems to think that is me being lazy. That if the dishes are piled up and the laundry is waiting to get done that I should be doing that instead of taking some me time. He says I get plenty of me time. He says that he's the one running around like a mad man cleaning all the time while I sit back and do nothing. He does about once a week totally freak out and clean up. The other 6 days a week he leaves ALL coffee cups, dishes, food containers, dirty socks, sweatshirts, books, magazines, gadgets (the list goes on and on) EVERYWHERE! I am the one basically walking behind him picking up the things he just drops. That's added onto picking up after myself and the baby and his kids on the weekends. I tried telling him that but he didn't want to hear it.

So to make a long story a slight bit shorter, I decided that if he would really like to see what happens to the house when I stop doing things for everyone else then I'll let him see it.

I came upstairs and took our dirty laundry basket and dumped it on the bed. I separated our clothes and put my dirty clothes in one basket and his in another. I took the basket of clothes I had just washed and dumped it on the bed. Folded and hung up my clothes and left his on his side of the bed. Normally, every Fri night I was his kids dirty clothes as they arrive on Sat morning. I left their dirty clothes in their room. And when they ask why they don't have any clean pj's tonight before bed, he can realize that he should start doing their laundry because I'm not anymore. I normally have a menu planned out for the weekends and all the right groeceries in the house to make each meal. I get the meals made on time. This weekend I haven't set foot in the kitchen. It's 4pm right now and he is currently reading and not thinking about food. The kids will be down his throat in about 30 minutes asking what's for dinner and he'll have to figure something out. To be honest, I don't think we even have food in the house.
Yesterday he had some business stuff to do (which I normally do for him - he runs his own business) Because it had to do with a client, the only thing I did was set it all out in plain view and when he asked me about it, I just said "ya, you might want to do that cause you have to drop it off in a hour". He had no clue how to do what he needed to do because I always do it for him.

I have totally backed away from ALL parenting towards his kids. They actually came into the room a few hours ago and started to tell me about the fight they were having to try and get me to do something about it...I just flat out said, "talk to your father, that's all his to deal with" and then I walked away.

I think he's starting to get the hint that I'm not doing anything for anyone by myself and our baby. He can handle his stuff and his kids stuff. It's not my job and I'm tired of the fact that he thinks I do nothing. Just because I always just do everything and he never has to lift a finger for any of it. It's like an out of sight, out of mind thing. He doesn't realize everything I do in a day and just sees that the dishes maybe didn't get done.