I am a 45 year old man, married to a 46 year old woman. I have 3 kids. A 27 year old son and twin 17 year old daughters. My wife has an 18 year old son.
My son is on his own. My daughters live with BM most of the time especially lately (will go into that later)
Her son lives with her. Thats right ... we are separated...can you guess where this is going?
this is both of ours, second go round with marriage.
ok, lets start this...
My wife can be the most wonderful person ..when she wants to be..cant we all?
The first year of our marriage was the best relationship I have ever had. Of course there were minor issues(or so I thought), the main ones being my wifes insecurities going as far as to search my computer, cell phone, emails etc without my knowing and trying to find/ make up things to support them. Now comes the biggie. Wife idolizes her son. Cant do enough for him.
this whole thing started off with her moving in with me in my home. My/our bedroom was on the second floor along with my daughters room (which they shared). Her son who lives with her was 12 at the time. I moved my office that was in the 3rd bedroom to the dining room so he would have his own room which was downstairs. My son, who had a bad experience with his GF, moved back in with me shortly before my wife and her son. He was in the back Florida Room which backed up to SS room. My wife actually told me, we had to move SS to my daughters room and move them because she didnt want him downstairs by himself. His room was directly under ours. I said I was not moving my daughters room for that reason. She was afraid someone was going to break in and hurt/take him... we lived in a good neighborhood.
Next came the complaining my son was making so much noise that ss couldnt go to sleep. I bent over backwards to fix that even to the point to ask SS when my son was making too much noise to tell me so i could figure it out. My son was confused because he is very respectful of others. Anyway, SS finally tells me one day, after this has caused several arguments between me and wife, that my son is making too much noise. I got his mother and sat on his bed and asked them both "what Noise?"...mom nor SS could say anything because there was no noise.
This was solved when my wife decided we needed to move because "our" house just wasnt working for her and her son anymore. I relented because I wanted her to be happy and secure.
She found us a "new" home that we moved into which sorta caused my son to have to find another place to live. He didnt want to cause anymore "problems" for me.
This was just the first couple issues to set the tone.
Fast forward to now... SS is 18. He does not go to school some of the time(his senior year) he has no job, he does no extra curricular activities either with school or out of school. Mommy bought him a car and pays for his insurance and gas gets him the food he wants (even though he has expensive taste.) Wife spends thousands of dolars on birthday/christmas gifts for him. This is an ongoing theme.
SS has no respect for me or what I helped his mother provide for him. He never helped out around the house. I was told he wasnt my slave boy. I asked him to take out the trash and help cut the grass every summer while he wasnt in school. He took out the trash twice and helped cut the grass twice in 6 years. He has every known gaming system, laptop, computers, cell phones...anything he wants he gets. He takes 40 -45 minute showers leaves lights on all over the house refuses to eat what we prepare for dinner, so 2 dinners are made each night...not at the same time either...only on his timetable. He thinks he owns his mom and she continues to feed into that for him.
Ohh I forgot to tell you she didnt make the house payment for 2 years and then up and moved out one week while we were having a spat while I was staying with my mother and step father who I have a great relationship with and who calls me every week to see if im doing ok.
Ohh btw the house was in her name. She bought a 07 car in 07 not new but darn close while I drive a 12 year old truck with over 225k miles. Guess who shared in paying the bills...at least thinking they were being paid..thats right ...me. So i have helped support him and her and I have nothing to show for it except hurt and anger.
SS thinks he is going to college... not with his grades in his senior year. He is a smart kid but uses his powers for evil. He has been physically abusive towards me and his mother. I cant deal with this anymore. Wife continues to say he is Number 1 in her life and if I dont like it then I have to deal with it. Its not her problem. As much as I have feelings for my wife (our relationship while he isnt around is the best) I cannot see this type of behavior changing.
I feel I could have been a positive role model for SS but wasnt allowed. I have many years dealing with teens from being a scout master to coaching baseball and basketball. I even tried disengaging and they (wife + SS) loved that because SS felt he could do as he pleased with zero repercussions.
Like I said my son has owned his home for the past 2 years. My daughters are honor roll students in high school while they cheer for the varsity squad and the competition team along with dancing 2 nights a week and they both have jobs. I have taught them respect and responsibility. The SS has none of these. I dont want to support a slug on society with no drive to be better because he doesnt have to be. BF of SS is in picture and is also simular to me in my beliefs but SS doesnt go visit anymore becasue of trouble with SM on BF side. She sees through him too and BF wont take it in his home.
Guys wanting to be a SF beware!