Planning a vacation?

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When Planning a Vacation that would include your kids and not just you and SO. Do you plan it with Step children not living in the home or have you taken vacations without children not living in the home?

I have 5 children whom live with me and I want to take them to Florida for Vacation. They have never been. I want to take them to disney world and to see family we havent seen in years. I mentioned this to my SO and he wants to talk to his ex about taking his other 2 whom dont live with us. Now I have a problem with that. Number 1 the responsibility of taking care of them will fall on me as it always does when they come to my house for HIS weekend. Number 2 when they are with us they always make me feel on edge due to them being delayed I cant allow them to do things I would allow my kids to do so in turn that means that my kids arent allowed to do them either cause it wouldnt be fair to let my children and not his. Things like say go for a walk around the block or go down to the park which is 2 blocks from my house. and 3 their mother has told my SO she took them to Florida. Every vacation we take he wants to take them on. I feel like I have to put my life on hold when it comes to them. I cant plan anything for the kids without including Step children that dont reside in my house but 4 days a month. I understand they are his kids too but they go away with their mother. I want to have a nice vacation that I can relax on and I know if his 2 are there it wont be a nice vacation. I want to enjoy things not worry if we are going to loose a kid. My children know to stay with me while his 2 from his ex get excited than run to where the excitement is. My children know that you dont go with strangers my Step son however if the person said hey come look at my puppy he would go. Its sad but it makes me just want to say forget it no vacation if they have to come.

I honestly feel like I am

I honestly feel like I am always putting my life on hold..I wanted to take my kids to an amusement park and I was going to do it a the kids had off school and we didnt have my SO kids and he says dont you think SD and SS would want to go...seriously dont you think their mom takes them places I am these kids in my households mom why cant i do things with just them..To be honest I am jealous of SS AND SD's MOM being able to do things with just her kids..I cant do anything with just my kids...If I want to buy my kids clothes he gets mad and says you never do things for SD and SS..Um they dont need a full time wardobe at a part time house...HE PAYS CHILD SUPPORT..and their mother should be doing that for them. I plan their bday parties, I buy all holiday gifts. I am constantly getting told that I treat them differently...Well they arent here all the time what am i supposed to do not go shopping unless I have all of them..Its bad enough that I have 5 kids and a 4 bedroom house and his kids whom are here only 4 days a month have their own room they share...How is that fair...I have my 2 year old and my 11 month old in my room cause he thinks that his kids need their own room. So for 26 days a month the room goes unused. But he doesnt think it would be fair to take away their room and give it to the little ones. Im super frustrated..

Of the 5 children in my house

Of the 5 children in my house 3 are mine from a previous marriage and 2 are ours jointly. None of them have been to florida.
We really cant afford a vacation but I want to do it with my tax return next year.

Its horrible but I feel the

Its horrible but I feel the same way, I think I would rather not go than go with Skids...And Honestly I cant afford 2 more kids.. Its a long shot to think my tax return would cover the trip anyway...ha

If some of those 5 children

If some of those 5 children of yours are his step children, please tell me how it is fair to take his step children and not yours. That's like telling your step children that they aren't part of their father's family.

Their mother has already

Their mother has already taken them to florida. So how is it fair that they get to go again when my kids havent gone at all. How is it fair that I have to put my life on hold with everything I want to do with my own kids till I get the approval of him and and his ex.
How is it fair our daughter and son that live here full time have to sleep in my room cause my SO feels his kids that are only here 4 days a month need to have their own room.. NOTHING IS FAIR. Its just the way things are.

So if I go on vacation without their dad am I still wrong?

I think I would insist some

I think I would insist some how of making a room for your two kids...that's crazy that they live there full time and don't have their own room. How do you have any time alone with DH? I would go insane even if they were my own kids! I know what you mean about vacation, I want to take just one of my sons (other is older will be with his dad over the summer) just because he is mine and he never gets to do anything, but DH wants to take mine plus 3 skids and I would rather stay home than to deal with that. Why go so place and deal with the skids when I can stay home and lock myself in my room when they are there.

Can you do mommy and kids

Can you do mommy and kids trip?

The stepkids makes it a bit tricky. If you exlude his 2, he can turn around and say he wants to leave your oldest 3 behind.

Why can't your kids use the bedroom when the SKs aren't there?

He has never been to florida

He has never been to florida so i dont think he would go for me going without him knowing that we have never taken a vacation other than to see our families out of state or camping trips.
And def cant afford to do this trip a number of times..
If the step kids lived here I wouldnt want to exclude them..But their mom at their full time house takes them on vacation and does things with them. I would like to be able to do the same. I would make sure it wasnt on days we were to have his kids..We dont get them but 4 days a month...With my oldest 3 I would have to find a babysitter where as he doesnt have to find a sitter for his 2.
It makes me mad cause he was ok with taking just his 1 son away for a weekend trip. At that point it was ok to leave just his daughter with her mom and the 2 little ones behind but now its not ok to leave just the 2 that dont live with us behind.

My 2 that are in my room are 2 and 11 months his that have the room are 6 and 7 so they have beds where as mine need cribs that room just isnt big enough for it. I feel like I should be able to put a toddler bed and a crib in that room and his kids could sleep on these fold out chair beds we have when they come over. When I used to go to my moms house when I was younger I didnt have my own room there, I didnt have a dresser full of clothes and a room full of toys..I packed my stuff. I had my own room at my full time house. Im frustrated that my SO feels that they needs their own room..But its a battle I dont want to fight about so i just let it go..

A mom and son trip sounds

A mom and son trip sounds great for me but I would feel bad leaving DH behind. Plus we have combined income, making it all "ours", so I think I would feel even worse.

We have the same thing..There

We have the same thing..There really isnt my money your money its all combined in 1 account..Until we get into an argument about me buying the kids clothes, or giving my oldest daughter money to go skating than I point out that the child support I get is for the oldest 3 kids not for him...

How would you feel if he said

How would you feel if he said he wanted to go on vacation with you, the 2 little ones and his 2? How would you feel about vacationing with your SKs while leaving your oldest Bio kids behind?

I would never leave my bio

I would never leave my bio sons at home, at least not the one that is with me full time.

I agree, a child whether a

I agree, a child whether a step child or bio child should not be left behind with a sitter if they live with you full time.

If he pays for them and will

If he pays for them and will take care of them, I say let him. If he won't though, sorry it's not a free for all.

I talked to FDH about this very issue, and he says whenever it's cheapest and most convenient for US, the adults who will be paying for the trip. If SS or our kids aren't there at the time, we take whoever is.

My parents have taken my younger sister (full sister) on vacation without me when I was in school and she wasn't, and vice versa. In fact, they're going to travel the far east this fall. I'm not, because I have work. Never had an issue.

See if I say you take care of

See if I say you take care of them it will turn into a fight and I dont treat his kids right and I dont do anything for them. But ask my SO if has EVER helped my older 3 get dressed or made their plates and that answer is NO and he sees them daily not just 4 days a month..I know if they go on vacation with us its automatically me who will be doing all the caring for them..They are delayed and about as much help as my 2 year old, a vacation is to relax not be even more stressed than being at home...Im the one who takes care of all the kids..When it comes to getting breakfast,planning parties, holiday shopping or anything. My 3 older kids can get themselves breakfast but when his kids are here I have to get things for them..If I were to allow them to get their own cereal it would make a bigger mess for me to clean up. I have to help them get clothes, help them shower, make their plates at dinner. Simple things you may think yea well on top of taking care of my 2 year old and my 11 month old. ITS HARD. I feel like a single mom with added kids when my SO is right here!!
Since our money is combined and technically I make more than he does after he pays his child support there is no telling him he has to pay for them.
A vacation is supposed to be a nice getaway but the more I think about it the more STRESS it seems like..

I went on vacations without my sisters when I was younger too and same for them going without me...And it was actually trips to disney first my dad took just me than 2 years later he took my sisters than another year he took just 1 of my sisters. My mom has taken my brother on plenty of trips without me as he lives with her and I didnt. I feel like evey child should get to go on a vacation, but shouldnt have to go on every vacation every parent takes.

Well I found out that ex

Well I found out that ex husband is taking my bioson's on vacation this summer so I have I think talked my DH into taking a vacation while they are gone and with out the skids! I am so relieved that I got out of that one this year anyway. I know eventually I will have to cave but maybe I can come up with something every time he mentions taking skids...lol.

Hhhm-well, using his logic,

Hhhm-well, using his logic, BM should not be allowed to take her 2 kids, your SKs, on another vacation unless you can ALL go, or unless she takes your 2 kids that belong to both you and DH. If BM is taking his two older kids on vacation, that isn't fair to his two younger kids, right?

He sounds a bit like a bully.

I would have been thrilled I my EXDH made bedrooms in his home for our 2 kids after we divorced. He is very well off financially but still chose not to do so! They slept in the "guest rooms" when they visited their Dad and he had NO younger kids in the house.

Sounds like your DH might not able to put himself in someone else's shoes?
Also, why does he think your 3 kids' child support should be equally blended into household finances? I agree some of it should be used for living expenses as you would not need as big of a house if they did not live with you but keeping a percentage of child support for clothes and vacations for the older three is perfectly reasonable. I am sure that's how your ex expects you to use it.

I wish you the best-sounds like a tough situation.

Yes! Blue Belle!

Shaelyn, I didn't mean to be

Shaelyn,
I didn't mean to be harsh-I can so identify with you and what I imagine you must be feeling that I found myself feeling very angry toward your DH and I don't even know him.

What you want to do is perfectly reasonable and I hope you do get an enoyable and relaxing vacation.

Hugs~

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