Something new
So my DH is in the military and every year we get two weeks of block leave (vacation). Every year when this comes around we have to go home (our home state, we're stationed in a different state). We go there every year on our two week vacation to see his kids. There is no parenting plan and "monster" won't let us bring them to our current station, bc it's "to far away". It's just very unfair to me that on our ONLY vacation we have to go to SC, back to our hometown,and sit at MY parents house for two solid weeks. Don't get me wrong I know my husband needs to see his kids, and I do enjoy getting to see my family. But I feel it's unfair, why can't we actually go somewhere different on vacation? The beach, the mountains, a freaking amusement park, something! It takes every last dime we have just to drive to SC and back and in November we'll be moving to a different post even farther away from SC. The facts are this though.
*We can't go anywhere bc we only have money to go one place.
*We have two cars but DH thought it would be a "good" idea to buy a 1979 Trans Am as his everyday car, it won't make it the 500 miles to SC and the 500 miles back. So if we did go someplace different we couldn't take all the kids bc my car has only 5 seat bealts (his kids go on vacation with their monster) why should my BS4 and our daughter be confined to just going to SC all the time?
*I want to do something as a family, I know his kids are part of this family but their "monster" won't let us take them anywhere. I feel that we all have to suffer come vacation time.
*I feel guilty bc I feel as though I'm being selfish, but it hurts my feelings. When he was with his ex they would go to Florida, the mountains etc.... Now that they're divorced "our" vacation is to SC to see his kids. How do I go about telling him that I'm tired of going to SC all the time? How do I tell him he needs to think about me and the family he's got that actually live with him? Am I being unfair? I feel as though if he had been smarter while going through his divorce we wouldn't have this problem. But as it stands now she makes ALL the rules and we have to follow them, so noo taking the kids out of state for us.
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Your DH needs to hire an
Your DH needs to hire an attorney (and there are many who will give military discounts) and get a parenting plan put in place, so your entire life does not revolve around BM's whims.
Could you use part of the two
Could you use part of the two week vacation to do something before you get to your parents? Sometimes just a day or two together / alone as a family is nice.
Not sure if his is an option, but DH could also petition the. Kurt for a custody modification where the skids are sent to you during vacation. (though with the military commitments, court may be difficult).
At some point the skids will be old enough to do this without the order also.
We can't afford to do both.
We can't afford to do both. That's also due to her, she left him 20,000 in the hole. She was ordered to pay her half when she was financially able, she hasn't made the first payment on ANYTHING in 3 years.
We are in talks with an
We are in talks with an attorney, Thank God!!! After pressing him for over a year we finally got one willing to take our case as of last week, we're setting up a parenting plan of getting the kids 60/40 her 60 us 40. Hopefully that will lower his insane child support as well (she gets almost half his paycheck)
You might want to have your
You might want to have your attorney look into military law... which of course is a federal law... that out weighs state law.
There used to be a provision in military law that only a soldiers BAQ allotment could be garnished for child support. That the amt of cs a soldier owed monthly, could not exceed his/her BAQ allotment.
Idea behind the law was soliders make less than the average working man alot of their pay is in 'benefits' thus not cash in hand, so it was unreasonable to expect them to pay what the average working class man paid due to pay discrepancies. Basically the military wanted to make sure the soliders entire check was not getting jacked for cs and the soldier was left with enough money to live on.
Of course it was nearly 20 years ago, but my xdh had a few friends that used that military law to tame out of control CS orders. Might be worth combing through some military law books/ online search and see if the law is still on the books.
We did look into something
We did look into something similar to that and we noticed that the lawyer who did his divorce agreement added in his BAH (basic housing) which your not supposed to do. That's money given to him to pay our rent, light bill, etc... it shouldn't have been added in to his basic pay. Therefore it looks as though he makes 1,200$ more than he actually does.
I'm pretty sure we'll let my
I'm pretty sure we'll let my lawyer decide that one
Sorry I should elaborate
Sorry I should elaborate we're going for more than just a support modification. That's one of the MANY things that will be brought up.
It is no longer "free" when
It is no longer "free" when you deploy. When you leave your family for months and years.
It is no longer "free" when you lose your limb or scramble your brain.
It is no longer "free" when you bury your husband.
You seem to have a bit of a chip on your shoulders.
I agree that the military is not under paid. But, that education is earned.
They earned this benefit for each and every deployment and sacrifice made.
I maybe an ex-military wife, but you can't say that soldiers, sailors, marines, and airmen don't earn their benefits.
Kate
Are you referring to me when
Are you referring to me when you say I'm not a military wife? I never once said anything about sharing custody, maybe you should re read what I said 60-40 we DESERVE to get his children during the summer BECAUSE of the distance, we DESERVE to get his children on holidays because of the distance. We DESERVE to have his child support lowered because he pays an insane amount. If YOU must know the reason WE are having a HARD TIME is because of that slimy no good for anything money hungry bitch. 20,000$ in 5 months while my husband (at the time hers) was in Iraq. BTW get over yourself PLEASE.
HAHAHAHAH!! I'm laughing out
HAHAHAHAH!! I'm laughing out loud!!
Are you kidding?
I still do my XH's taxes.
My E-7 XH makes in excess of $70,000 a year.
When he was an E-6 he made between $50-60,000 a year.
This doesn't even TOUCH reenlistment bonuses.
The military is NOT underpaid and impoverished. The non-tax'ed income and benefits more than makes up for it.
Not to mention the healthcare!!
Kate
LOL!! I do know why and it
LOL!!
I do know why and it has a lot to do with being too d*mn smart and socially retarded at the same time!! Either you know the type and I don't have to explain it or else never mind LOL!
$70,000 with no college degree.
Look, I'm not saying that what he does isn't hard and work. But, he loves deploying (which is why he lasted longer than 4-6 years). He loves the job, most of the time.
But, given his qualifications and education he makes very good money.
Kate
My husband reenlisted 2
My husband reenlisted 2 months ago for another 4 years. There are no such thing as reenlistment bonuses now, not with EVERY mos being so over strengthed.
There are a few rates in some
There are a few rates in some of the branches that have bonuses still.
My XH is in one of those few. Mind you, the amount is significantly lower then it was a few years ago, but they still exist.
Kate
Good Luck!!!!
Good Luck!!!!
I'm not going to respond to
I'm not going to respond to every post in this part of the thread regarding CS.
First, check with the CO and the state it is issued from. There are different standards as to what can be included in regards to CS. It isn't as simple as several other people are insinuating. My CSO itemizes everything except BAS, everything. If my XH returns overseas I'd get CS from COLA and OHA (which IMHO is messed up!).
Stupid question... but how on earth could you have them 40% of the time if they are 500 miles away?
Kate
First off let me inform you,
First off let me inform you, my husband is not an officer he makes 36,000$ a year that does NOT include her 11,000$ dollars a year child support. Could you live off that? Could you raise 2 additional children on that?
We have no problem at all
We have no problem at all paying his child support. I think he should pay it "you made it, you pay it" The fact is she gets an insane amount of cs, yet when we get her kids they're in rags. Their hair is chopped up from her being to cheap to go to a barber and get actual haircuts, their shoes have holes in them, their pants are always to short, the last time we got them was May and they had winter clothes on. Yet she's walking around with new clothes, new tattoos, new designer purses, etc... She now tells us cs doesn't buy their clothes. So we now buy their clothes.
I'm glad to hear you're
I'm glad to hear you're talking to an attorney! I know it's a stressful ordeal but persevere. Encourage your DH to stand up for his rights with this BM who is running all over you guys. AND, stand up for your rights too! Find a way to have quality time on your time off as best you can. Are there things to do around your hometown that could turn it into an inexpensive "staycation"? Hiking? Picnics at the park?
Good luck!
just curious if you can't
just curious if you can't afford to do anything else, what kind of vacation would you be able to take? on vacation you would be paying not just for transportation, but you would be paying for sleeping accomodations and food.
I have family in TN
I have family in TN Gatlinburg to be exact, I have a cousin in Florida who's begging me to come see her before going to Japan etc...
Maybe leave a few days early
Maybe leave a few days early from SC and vacation at someplace on the way home?
But ultimately, a lawyer and courts are going to have to take care of this mess.
No laws exist limiting
No laws exist limiting military compensation in child support. Everything is considered. Bah, bas, combat and special pays, even tdy if it occurs regularly. I have an E3 paying 1700/month because his deployment pay was calculated in the child support, though his deployment pay is stopped he has to continue paying that rate until his modification hearing in october.
Not true, it depends on the
Not true, it depends on the state the children reside in and it also depends on the judge. That's what our lawyer told us.
How much vacation time do you
How much vacation time do you get? Start taking your kids on vacation without husband.
So... I think you have two
So... I think you have two separate problems here.
1) Your Dh needs to smack his XW upside the head with a petition for visitation/ parenting time/ whatever-they-call-it now. There is NO reason why he should only be able to see his kids when going on a return trip "home".
2) You need to let your Dh know that you are *not* going to SC on vacation next year. Tell him flat out that you can agree to every other holiday going back to SC, but the other holidays you are going somewhere else.
Finally, home is where your toothbrush sits. It is NOT back where everyone else lives. Make the mental change now. Home is where you are right now, not where you were and not where you are going. Without this mental change you are never going to make it as a military wife.
Kate, 16 years as a military wife