Hi,

First time in this blog and I simply want to vent and obtain any best advice as possible as a 1st time and new stepmother. My hubby and I recently got married ; we’ve been together for approx. 7 years. He has a 12 year old daughter (daddy’s little girl)from a previous marriage who visits us every other weekend.

I’ve known and been around his daughter ever since she was a little girl. For all my life my hubby always told me how he knew that his daughter had this potential of manipulating grownups as well as strangers ever since she was a little child, but he never allowed her manipulation affect him, Which I also have been a victim of this situation in the past, based upon personal experience. But for some odd reasons my hubby thinks that she had grown out of it and now she is this perfect child that can’t and doesn’t do nothing wrong! And she does, despite he may correct her, it is not consistent or reaffirmed. He believes that she is still a child and that I should let her be one.

My hubby is such a great father, husband and friend. The two have a very strong bound. But it is one of those scenarios where daddy is too busy to focus to be a friend to his daughter than a father. I love their interactions together, but sometimes it can be to the extreme where I believe that they play too much, too rough (play fights), or too long. I feel there is no boundaries…And when it is my hubby and I turn to interact (grown folks time) she constantly interrupts us on purpose, becomes so she is so needy, demanding or purposely be so disruptive. With that being said, every time she comes over our house she acts so naïve, innocent, greedy, conceded and/or as if she is so ignorant in some comment sense areas or always seeks to be the center of attention especially when it is not about her. She constantly does it when we all go out somewhere, around my 5 and 7 yr old nieces, or when my hubby is coaching at this Christian basketball camp. She is a 5.4” feet tall little girl who weights 120 lb that likes to act like a 8 year old.
She’s about to become a young lady soon, and she has some tomboy ways, some hygiene issue for her age. She doesn’t do any chores, clean behind herself like she should, or voluntarily helps around the house unless directed to do so. She still like to go play in the playground, likes everything my hubby likes (even though it is not her deep interests) wants to keep the door open at night before going to bed, and very picky on food without having valid reasons or never tasting it. Since I work weekends, I could be done all day and returning tired from work, my husband and his daughter act like kids all day. They can both stay on their PJ’s til’ noon without cleaning the house but just play all day ( cards, video games, play fight, watch shows together, etc.) He acts and become a kid around her and always tell him about the situation and he thinks its funny or im joking without taking me seriously until I step my foot down and regain adulthood/parenting ownership as a wake up call.

Despite the situation I try to help, correct the situation by showing her how to keep things around the house, wash her own dish after use, make her bed, etc. But she hates it when I do it, but frowning, dragging her feet etc. It seem like my husband is blind folded and doesn’t help much. Sometimes she does it and sometimes she acts as if she forgot what she was told just so she can play with her daddy. She acts differently when is only her and I in the house, but when my husband is around she starts all over again. One night after dinner I’ve asked to wash the dishes right infront of her father she said ok. But then tried to play me by acting as if she forgot all about it infront of her father. So I called her up on it so she went. Her father felt like I was a little too harsh and that it was too many dishes for her to wash. Are you serious?! And it simply was dished from our supper. So he tried to find different excuses to try to go in the kitchen her. I told him to stand back and let me handle it. But I constantly checked on her to make sure she was ok and doing the right thing. At the end, when she finished, I noticed that she couldn’t even properly wash dishes. I still could see the whole meal that we had for dinner that same night in our plates and utensils. I believe that purposely did it so I wouldn’t have to ask her do nothing around the house. I was so furious and disappointed. I blame my hubby for her ways, because he overrides everything she does and do everything for her when she’s here without her raising a finger the house. Her father (my hubby) picks and irons her clothes, fix her meals, does her laundry, while she just sits and watch cartoons or play video games on our cpu all day.

I truly believe that he can't continue let her get away with everything to make up for the time he doesn't spend with her or whatever is going on. Everyone seems to think that she is so fragile. Please but she know EXACTLY what she is doing in order to get what she wants. My husband just does what his daughter wants so she won't get mad at him, or to protect her sensitive feelings. He wants to be the good guy to her. What he's really done is created a spoiled, conceded, selfish child, who expects to get whatever she wants with her manipulative ways. Calling her father every night, every hour, for no reason especially when him and i have important conversations, or watching a show together, is a bit excessive. When she calls him, rather he is busy with me or not he is so quick to get up and go to her location, instead of her going to him out of respect to ask whatever question. She calls her father as if he was her friend. Where I come from, you respect your parents and elders, when whenever you need something, you go to your parents not your parent go up to you when you call them, unless is an emergency.

I don't care what anyone else thinks, but that DRIVES me nuts. There's no need for it. Once or twice a night I could see, but EVERY HOUR?? Come on NOW!! Daddy's little girl knows how to play the game well. I too have been a stepchild myself, and have done all the above and then some. If my step mom tried to discipline me, I'd go ha ha crying to Daddy cause Daddy always took MY side. Guilt is a powerful weapon and kids aren't stupid. Yeah she wants attention, ALL of it, and doesn't want to share. Doesn't want to accept that there are other people involved, and obviously these tactics have worked before so why not again??