Wash your dishes. That way it's a rule for everyone. You dirty it, you clean it. I clean up dinner dishes and leave the kitchen clean before I leave for work every morning. But between 8am and 6pm when I get home, if the kids get home before me and use cups or plates they are responsible for their own dishes. My husband included. She should post a chore list every morning like I do. I have boys and they all have their chores. If they don't do them they are not allowed out.

I don't think you should have to do dishes and having the kids do it is reasonable for sure. But not "because you are the man in the house" . Because you are an adult that has other things to do and you should be able to have the kids take on some responsibilities. Yes, talk to your wife, but saying that if she says no you cut off helping her with the kids? I don't know exactly what that means. Also, is this just an isolated instance with the dishes, or an ongoing difference in what you and her feel the kids should or should not do? Are you co parenting the kids or does she feel like she gets to decide what goes? If it's a pattern, then addressing the issue at large is the best way to then deal with the single instances. Otherwise it's a battle over every little thing.

My question was more like: Is it just the dishes, or is the whole parenting differently an issue, if that is the case?
And just a heads up....when you say that you clean the bathroom " just to help her out while she does the cooking" it may across to some that you don't feel like the bathroom has much to do with you.
Try and get your wife on the same page as you as far as having the kids help out more, in general. Maybe have them do a whole bunch of chores for a while and then they will appreciate having less to do. It's good for them.

In our house…everyone loads their own dishes. I unload after they have gone through a cycle. I can do it better than anyone else type of thing. Lol

Now what we do at our house also is that we have a set list of chores that have to be done every two weeks. These chores do not change. The only thing that changes is who performs then. Skid and kids.

They dust the living room and clean the kitchen counter tops, sweep and mop the whole house except for bedrooms. The spotlessly clean their shared bathroom. This normally takes about 2 hours. They actually have all gotten really good at them. Maybe try something like that.

Ok a few points here.

1. I do my own dishes when skids are here. I don't do dishes for other abled bodied people. When skids aren't here, I do SO's and mine. He does his share of other housework. We take turn on each others dishes or work together on them.

2. No you shouldn't do their dishes. Sounds like mom put down some rules with her note. So you are good. If they don't do it, not your problem. I guess they sit.

3. "The issue i see is that: since i provide for the kids and i am the man in the house,

1. should i refuse to wash my dinner dishes when everyone is in the house including my wife as i hate a situation in which we all queue up to do our dishes
2. or should i just talk to her about it and if she refuses cut off helping her with the kid and continue with doing my dishes as it is"

Really? Did you just write that since you are the man in the house? No you don't do it because its not your mess to clean and its their responsibility. Not because you have an outie.

Anyway, if the skids don't pull their own weight and share equally in the chores, then just do your own dishes. Keep up with your own messes. Its up to DW to deal with her children's messes. Either she will have them do it, or she will do it herself.

I don't leave my bedroom messy and let SO clean up after me just because his daughter doesn't clean her room. No need to do that to your wife with the dishes.

I agree with stepfamilyfriend who posted "not "because you are the man in the house"
My SS is extemely lazy. He basically didn't do any chores most of his life until his mom and I got together and they moved in.
He argues that he goes to school and has homework. That didn't fly so well. His mom and I both work, then come home and take care of dinner, the house and whatever else needs to be done.
One Saturday during summer (when schools out) we asked him to do some chores, he seriously looked at both of us and said he shouldn't have to do chores. Really! That didn't fly so well either.
What's really hard to watch is whenever he has to do something, his mom has to help him. Cleaning his room, she helps him (mainly she's doing it while he's "looking through a box").
She's a major part of the problem with him. Her doing everything for him has spoiled him so he has no work ethic (granted a 12 year old doesn't have much work ethic anyway) but he's lazier than most.
I have so many bite marks in my tongue, it can't taste anything anymore

Everyone wash their own.

We did a monthly chore chart for the same task. We switched off unloading dishwasher, after dinner dishes, ect...and did it on a monthly basis that way the kids couldn't fight about who didn't do it the night before. They disliked kitchen cleanup the most and they were happy to switch at the end of their month. It was easier that way because the consistancy wasn't always there the way the kids came back and forth

From primary school age my three children had to make their beds in the morning, and do the dishes after dinner at night. One would wash one would dry and the other would put the away, they would alternate jobs each night. Then a complaint came up about the one who put away got the easy job and it wasn't fair, even though the each got a turn at that job, so I made it fair, one washed one dried and put away, and the other one swept the floor. I didn't do this because I was the breadwinner I did this because I was a single mum and I needed to teach my children that we were a family and we all needed to help and support each other. It also prepared the for the real world where there are no free rides. Happy to say they have all grown up to be productive members of society and are happy to chip in to this day and help whenever needed.

No you absolutely should not be doing the dishes, but not because you are "THE MAN" of the house, the breadwinner, but the girls need to learn responsibility and family and to appreciate what a family is. you and your wife should decide on a chore roster for them, for their sakes to make their transition into the real world easier. If they grow up thinking they never have to contribute to anything, and the world will provide, then that over inflated sense of entitlement of theirs will comeback to bite them.