Hi there karjam Welcome to the boards.... i'm working on disengaging myself and have found quite a bit on here about that. I've been doing it since June of last year with my SD22, and more recently with my SS18 and SD17 -- the last two live in the home, so that is much harder. The disengaging essay I just read today and had heard people mention it, so I'm posting a link to it for you to find it much easier: http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html <---------- there you go!

Another link to a most recent thread on disengaging that I've been following is: http://www.steptalk.org/node/62877 --- -that has some great information on it to.

As to answering your question posed in your title 'can anyone help you feel normal?" haha -- what is that? I don't know if I'll ever feel normal again. I, too, have been married for 5 1/2 years, been together for 6 1/2 years on this crazy train. To be quite honest, if i had to it do again, I would not do it again. It's been a nightmare for beginning until now. When we were going through craziness with his SD22 while we were dating, I should have ended it then. But I was naive. I believe God has brought us together, and that if He brought us together that He would make all of it possible. HA! Joke was on me.

Anyways. Sorry that you've had to make it here....wish things were better for you. Would love to hear more of your story.

We are also dealing with crazy CRAZY bm. We have laid down the rules with her. She is only to deal with my husband and through email ONLY! He answeres the phone if that house calls here but if it isn't one of the kids he says, "if you have something to say you can send me an email" and then hangs up. EVERYTHING is through email for documentation purposes. We told her she was not allowed to set foot on our property. That when she drops the kids off she is to stay on the sidewalk (she kept inching her way closer and closer to trying to get in our house...it's creepy!) We've even gotten to the point where we refuse (unless at a school play where there isn't an option) that she doesn't even see us. We do all our goodbye's with the kids behind the closed front door and then they leave. We also have in a round about way tried to let the kids know that their mother, although a part of their lives, is not a part of our lives so we don't need to talk about her or hear about her ect. That's hard to do when they are young and you're trying not to make them think something is up. We more or less just change the subject real quick. We've had to do all this because as far as I am concerned, there is some mental illness going on. The woman copies things that I do and I am convinced she thinks that by trying to be me, my husband might have some kind of interest in her. The list of things she has done is weird. I'm honestly waiting to come home one day and see her sitting in my house thinking she lives here. It's very creepy. But that's off topic

As far as detaching from the step kids, I have done this without meaning to. I got so frustrated and exhausted from taking care of everyone else's needs whether they be legit or tip toeing around the inevitable daddy guilt for leaving, that I started to find myself really angry all the time. Sadly, I still am. Every weekend before the kids get here I feel it building. The only difference I guess is that I am now 100% totally detached. I am not trying to be this special person in their lives. I have my own child with my husband and that child is the one I give my 100% attention to. I let the other kids have their time with their father and I try to squeeze in time with my husband where I can. That has not been easy and I to this day am still struggling with it. It feels harsh to detach, it feels hurtful to my husband as they are his kids and I love him so shouldn't I love his kids as well? But for my own sanity I have had to stop really caring and just deal with Sat and Sun as they come. Monday is just always around the corner

I hope you can find some peace with your situation. Reading through everyone's stories makes me feel that there is this large group of us that no one seems to see. I think it's hard for anyone outside of the situation to understand what it truly feels like. I think the feelings and emotions we go through are generally taken the wrong way by most, our spouses included. It's good to have this site to come to!