I really don't understand what your getting at with this. I'm not going to hit her if your being serious.

Duct_tape,

I read your bio. Besides the huge difference of the number of kids involved we have a similar situation. From your bio “It pains me to see my relationship suffer. My SS was the cause of almost every argument we've ever had. There have only been a handful. I want to unleash my fury. But, the standards of tolerance and entitlement have been set into place years ago.”

This is the same for me. I love my GF. And her daughter is not all to bad. She does what you expect from a kid her age. The lack of expectations is in her other care givers. I only experience SD’s mom and grandpa. Grandpa lets her do anything. Even when clearly bad he tells her she is perfect and to never change for anyone. He is toxic. And he is a psychologist. Hmmmm…. Anyway, her relationship with her mom (my gf) is what I experience the most. My GF does not SEE the flaws I see. And when I point them out she will say “SO! That’s a 6yo for you!” Which is true. But it’s her responsibility to do something about it. My GF says “you gotta pick your battles” so when 6yo SD is eating her spaghetti with her hands getting it everywhere my I’ll say something about it being wrong and my GF will say “at least she’s eating it”… “save it for something that’s worth it”.. things like that happen all the time. I don’t look for perfection. But I expect some discipline. And some consequences. But there rarely is.

Our relationship is suffering because of this. Because of the story I posted above that you commented on I started to rethink our relationship. If her daughter is not better controlled by her own parents/family how am I going to do anything? When it’s just SD and I she listens to everything I say and tell her to do. She threw a tantrum once and I put a stop to that. She eats what I cook for her without a problem and she pick up her mess when I tell her too. But the story I told included her grandpa being there. If he wasn’t the tantrum would probably would not have happened. And if it did I would have sent her to her room. And if she didn’t go I would have put her in her room. I set consequences and follow through with them.

My GF is getting better with discipline. She lacks in following through with the discipline and consequences… which is crutial.

She gets what she wants most of the time from almost everyone except me and her mom. Her mom is much tougher on her than everyone else. But I think she could do more. SD knows I wont budge so she tries to “go around” me. She will ask mom for dessert and I will say no. (not just for the hell of it but usually because she was bad). And she will shout “I’m talking to mommy not you” mommy will sometimes just go with what I say (I explained to her the united front” But other times she will still get the dessert even after I said she couldn’t. Which makes SD think she doesn’t have to listen to me. Sometimes when I say no ice-cream tonight because she was bad or whatever, my gf will just give her a little. I’ll say “I said no, you shouldn’t have given her that” and she will say “I only gave her a little, she is very upset at how little I gave her” such BS…

Yes Draco26, you also are right. My GF and I both know that SD is “testing” us. I always keep that in mind. My GF seems to forget more often than not. I can’t speak of the other people is SD’s life. From what I hear they just spoil her to death and worship the ground she walks on. She can do no wrong in their eyes. My GF and I have had that talk. I spoke of the united front. I said if she disagrees how I parent SD to save her comments until later when SD is not around. And vice versa. My GF thinks I’m too strict. I really am not. I have 2 nieces ages 7 and 10. I have been a big part of their lives. I learned how to “work” with them, saw my sister and her husband parented them, and say how my mom and dad grand parented them. I am not overly strict. I do what I was raised to do and what I have seen other parents do. The way my SD is getting raised is the polar opposite of everything I have ever experienced.

Some times after having these talks my GF will be real tough for a few days. Maybe even throw in a spanking. And it works. But her daughter is sooooo surprised when this happens. She has crazy loud screaming fits over the tiniest amount of discipline followed my consequences. I mean the smallest insignificant things. I believe this is because she is so used to getting away without consequence that the smallest thing is huge to her. If she had more discipline with more consequences more often she would eventually get used to it and hopefully learn her lesson faster.

My GF does get positive results with her methods. But they are slow to come. And far and few in between. There is a lot of bribing for positive behavior. And constant threats that are often not backed up. My GF recently threatened the consequence of taking away SD’s play date for the following day. (SD was bad at school and we said if she is bad at ALL until the play date it would be cancelled). Well she was bad about 10 times in the next few hours. And was threatened that same threat each time. And then the next day just before the play date she was REALLY bad while I was at work and she was just with my GF. And my GF still took her to the play date! She punished her but taking away SD’s luxury money (the dollar she gets to buy ice-cream every day at school lunch). That lasted for 2 days until yesterday, she got ice-cream money yesterday, and then she did what the above story is about.

The “full-time Geisha” you mention… hmmm. I did not like the concept of the baby sitter being there when we are. I think it’s crazy. SD will order her around “STAND UP!, SIT DOWN!, GO OVER THERE!, GIVE ME THAT CRAYON!” And when “play time” is over.. and the sitter has to go my GF will say to SD “pick up your toys before she leaves” and the sitter will do all of it while SD watches” makes me sick. And my GF is paying this girl a few hundred a month to do this. My GF said she can’t get anything done if it’s just them two. This is true. But we won’t just put her in front of the TV. But she is afraid to be alone. Or just doesn’t like it. I’m not sure yet.

She is kept entertained so often that as soon as the entertainment is over she immediately says she is bored. She will ask where we are going tonight because she is used to always going somewhere and doing something.

I do know how to discipline SD. I just need consistency from my GF. She works hard and does a lot for a lot of different people. I know its hard for her. But I’m starting to look like the bad guy when I’m doing most of the disciplining. And when my GF goes directly against what I say, right in front of SD I feel like all OUR hard work is ruined.