MY MONEY, MY MONEY, MY MONEY!!!

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Background: BM abandoned SD12 for 7 years...SD got to be too much for us to handle and she wanted to see her mom so we let her go live with her for a while on a trial basis. For the past 7 years, we have not received a penny of child support.

My husband is currently un-employed thanks to military cuts. BM wants money. I don't mind paying for SD's school fees and various things like that (I'll even buy some groceries if needed), but I am NOT handing BM money! It is MY money and I have two kids of my own to support as well as my own bills to pay. DH's job got cut in October with absolutely no warning whatsoever...since then our household income is down by more than 50%. We can barely pay our own bills so to hell if I am going to give BM money out of MY check when I have been supporting her kid for 7 years with absolutely no help from her. She isn't my kid so she isn't getting MY MONEY!!

Am I just being a b**ch? The way I see it, BM owes ME! If she wants to file for child support, fine...she can fork out the money for a lawyer. We'll see how much she gets from a man with no job that has two other kids, too. Then we will file for back-support! I swear my husband is too freaking nice...he thought I would be ok with helping to support BM for 6 months! Uh, DH...remember you don't have a job and the money you would be supporting BM with would be...ummm...MY MONEY!! I already raised her kid for 7 years and now she wants money when she paid us NONE for 7 years...umm NOOOO!

She is a money grubbing

She is a money grubbing loser…but…I hate to tell you..if she goes through the courts…she will get CS. And they will not give flip that you did not take CS from her. You can file for back CS…but you won’t get it. Sorry..it sucks. But it is what it is.

This is pretty much exactly

This is pretty much exactly what I was going to say. The CS system is so easy on BMs. If it had been your hubby not paying all those years, I can guarantee he'd be forced to pay, but I highly doubt they make her pay a dime. It TOTALLY sucks, but that's how they are. And, I'm sure they will make your DH pay her something. It might not be much, and they shouldn't use your income, but they will make him pay something. I totally agree w/you-don't give her one dime!!

Our BM is worthless and money-hungry too. She has never had a job, does NOT have custody of the steps, and still get CS every month. I have spent MY paychecks buying them clothes, school supplies, etc...meanwhile their mother has never spent a dime on either of them, or even said the words "thank you" to me for supporting her kids in a way that she refuses to.

I hate the CS system. They assume all men are scum and all BM are above the law.

I agree 110%. If BM wants

I agree 110%. If BM wants money, tell her to go through the courts. Don't give her anything that isn't court ordered.

You're completely right

You're completely right on.....I wouldn't hand over one red cent to BM. Like you said, MAYBE buy some clothes for the kid, or groceries, etc. Maybe. But don't give her a dime in cash. And BF should be right there with you. How long has SD been gone, and how long will she be with BM?

She has been with BM for 7

She has been with BM for 7 days. We bought her a new bed and new dresser and sent all of her clothes, pads, tampons, toothbrush, etc with her. We (meaning I) already paid all of SD's school fees. The way I see it, I raised SD for 7 years without seeing a dime from BM. I made more money than DH most years so I foot the bill for most of what she needed. Now BM has her for 7 DAYS and wants money? That really ticks me off! I had her for over 2,500 days...and after only 7 BM thinks I owe her????

I'm also ticked that DH even thought it was ok to tell BM we would help her out for a while. Perhaps he should ask me before he volunteers to help her out with MY money! BM has a job...DH does not.

I'd be pissed at DH too!!!

I'd be pissed at DH too!!! Like you haven't done enough for a kid that isn't yours?! How about her mom pitch in once in a while? So f*ing frustrating!!!

I would tell BM that if she

I would tell BM that if she files for CS, you will too. Then let her know that 7 years of back child support will outtrump 6 months of CS from a man who is unemployed. That might get her to thinking. If not, be sure to also file for back support from her. It's not hard, you don't need a lawyer, and then she'll know that you plan to follow through and might dump her case.

Do NOT let her know how much you make. Depending on what state you live in, step parents income is not part of the CS calculation so even if she does take this to court - NEVER disclose your income. Only DH's. You are not a party to the case and so even if the court asks, you do not have to tell them. If the court knows what you make that could sway them to ask your DH to give BM a little more. You don't need to be giving her one red cent.

Also, if the two kids are DH's biologically - be sure to list them and ask for a hardship ruling.

DH has already told her she

DH has already told her she won't get child support. SD is 12, so she only has 6 years until 18 and we had her for 7 years...so back support would cancel out any support she applies for. I was hoping she had to have a lawyer to file as I know she can't come up with that kind of cash.

Good tip on not letting anyone know how much money I make, I hadn't thought about how that could sway the courts. Thanks!

I don't know how CS works in

I don't know how CS works in your state but here in our state of Oregon they don't consider the SO income for child support. So you don't have to give her shit. Sounds like my SO ex... he took care of them after she bailed. She never contributed a dime but as soon as she wanted a NEW LIFE... and took off with the kids she ran right to the CS office and nailed him for every penny she could. And calls 24-7 for an extra $20 for this or for that.
I wouldn't give her a penny! It is time for her to step up and get a JOB.. or two. I worked 2 jobs most of my life as a single mom to support my 2 kids. Never collected a penny from my ex. I'd rather roll over and die then ask him for a cent of his dirty money!

O/T re: the military cuts. .

O/T re: the military cuts. . .make SURE you vote for the candidate OPPOSITE Obama in November. Being in the military and voting for Obama is like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders.

No kidding! We are

No kidding! We are republicans and didn't vote for Obama in the first place. In early 2007 my husband started training for a "long term job" at our base. He missed my first pregnancy and the first year of our child's life. I had to raise SD by myself during that time. He got hurt in the line of duty while he was away for training and had to have surgery in September. After his surgery, they told him that due to military cuts, they would no longer renew his orders and he was out of a job. Just like that...no warning at all. One day he had a job, the next day he didn't. They are keeping the "new guys" on orders but the guys that were trained first are no longer allowed more than 5 years on orders. Isn't it comforting that the "seasoned" guys are out of a job while the new ones are still there. And this is intel! I would think they would want the best guys but they don't! Can you tell I am a bit irritated with the military? lol

LOL!

so back support would cancel

so back support would cancel out any support she applies for.
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Oh hun. It does not work that way unless she was court ordered to pay CS. Was she? If so, then nail her ass to the wall. But they will NOT go back and make her pay, if not ordered!

Now if she was ordered to do it, then nail her to the wall.

So we couldn't ask for back

So we couldn't ask for back support if she asks for support now? The previous court order said she was not ordered to pay child support "at this time". We were hoping if she asks for child support we could ask for back support. We could also show money we have spent for therapy for abandonment issues from BM abandoning SD.