Is it normal when step kids manipulate?

Forums:

I love my fiance but he refuses to see and he gets defensive about his gilrs (he has an 8 and 9 year old). Maybe one day when we have our own I will understand better but right now I am just plain clueless... and HURT.

His kids have gotten worse over time- obnoxious and spoiled. They have two familes now and multiple grand parents and aunts and uncles (thought it sounded great before). But they are manipulative and little liars. I dont know what to do.

They lie about how horrible their life is at their moms- no attentions, no toys, scray bedroom, no food, they never go out... how do kids figure that out?? I am so scraed they would turn out to be like their mom- a worthless human being. She has never worked her entire life, only counting on child support and the child tax benefeit. And now she has 2 new babies with her new relationship. And everyday the girls grow more and more like her. One time I caught the oldest one playing with herself with a shower head. I was so embarassed I couldnt even tell her dad. When I finally had the nerve to, he just brushed it off. She is 9 years old for crying out loud. Im so scared it runs in their blood.

I never once implied that I was a step mom. I have always loved their father. I fell in love with him- not with his kids. But even then I have cared for them and the oldest one has been calling me names. She called me weird and mentally unstable just this weekend. It is okay not to love them right?

How do you deal with the manipulation?

This ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^! My

This ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^!

My fiance has adult kids who are 18, 19, and 22. Your fiance should meet them, bc they are the nightmare that has resulted from no boundaries or rules-ever. When one of his sons was 17, he faked being suicidal in an effort to get my fiance to leave me AND to get my fiance to give him money. I knew it, and the psychiatrist confirmed it, and his son finally admitted it. He is a master manipulator, and my fiance is only now starting to realize how bad it is. All 3 of his kids are, but this one is the worst.

I am lucky bc I do not have to deal with these people-they are not even welcome in my home. You, however, have a long road, and unless your fiance steps up, it will continue to get worse.

My ss13 when he was 9

My ss13 when he was 9 pretended to be psychotic for attention. He has spent years besmirching my name, my kids name-but also besmirching bm's name as well. Essentially he will talk about anyone if it gets him a lil attention. To answer your question, I think ALL kids and ALL humans manipulate at some point or another. since skids have divided families-this is breeding ground for manipulation-it's so easy you almost cant blame them. My ss is manipulative because he has been allowed to be by his parents, grandparents, etc. Until they are willing to recognize it for what it is and confront it it will continue to happen.

Thanks for the words of

Thanks for the words of wisdom. I joined this forum because of hopes that my fiance would see things different when he realizes that people have gone through it before me.. before us... and he should consider changing his ways. Or at least his outlook on me and his kids.

It is scary!

ALL kids are manipulative.

ALL kids are manipulative. Kids who have multiple families are in a better position to get away with it and to learn more tricks. The best you can hope for is to establish what the rules and expectations for them are in YOUR home.

I have seen it happen with my

I have seen it happen with my friends who had divorced parents. The biggest mistake there is when the two parents fight for the children's attention with material things... I am trying so hard not to do that in our house but obviously failing miserably

As parents, we all fail

As parents, we all fail miserably at something. The only thing that one can do is to change it once you realize you're doing it.

And if the kids throw it in your face, do what I did to my BS16... I laughed at him and said, "NO ONE gets through their childhood without being psychologically scarred by something. All I can do is offer a heartfelt apology and the advice that, if you don't like the way I did it, do it differently when you have your own kids. But be gentle with me, because you will screw up your kids in some way too. The more you crucify ME for it, the more karma you'll have coming your way when you are a father. There is NO way around it."

He laughed, rolled his eyes at me and said, "Gee thanks."

I slapped him on the back and said, "Hey, no problem. Glad I could help."

HAHAHAA!!!

Kids CAN be good times.

My SD11 is so much like her

My SD11 is so much like her mother it is freakin scary....she lloks like her, has the same chip on her shoulder, and the same outlook on life...scariest part of this is that Sd11 doesn't live with her mother and hardly ever sees her. As time passes Sd gets worse...more manipulative, overbearing and entitled. I think genetics play a big part in development of personality.

Thats what scares me! They

Thats what scares me! They spend more time with the BM in my case but they eat like her, talk like her, dress like her. I have said numerous times to my fiance that genes factors and he wont just hear any of it. The oldest one as I hvae mentioned is already very curious about sex. ;(

I hear ya girl...BM,BM

I hear ya girl...BM,BM sister, and BM mom all had babies by the age of 14...She also pretends to be all innocent and I know for a fact that that is has a secret world that is much different than daaaaaadddddddddddddyyyyyyyyy thinks!

"I think genetics play a big

"I think genetics play a big part in development of personality."

OMG! I totally agree!!! MY SD is the spit of her mother, both physically and mentally. Unfortunately for her.

When BM was 16yrs old, she was asked what she wanted to be when she grew up. Her response? She wanted to, "Have a bunch of different babies, by a bunch of different men, and to live off of child support."

Well, I'll be damned that some people do actually get to be what they wanted to be when they grow up. Huh.

My fear is that SD10 is on the same path. She has a foul mouth, is cruel, manipulative, vindictive and calculating. She also refuses to accept any responsibility for any of her choices and/or actions and absolutely throws an enormous fit if asked to participate in any sort of "work." She cheats in school, won't put an effort into anything, lies, and steals.

All just like her mother.

That's definitely my SS11. He

That's definitely my SS11. He acts just like his mother, having a complete meltdown if he doesn't get his way and running off and hiding if DH disagrees with him, doesn't let him win, or tells him that his behavior is unacceptable. He now tells us that he can't fall asleep because "I have anxiety like my mom." It could be that he can't fall asleep because at home, he's been allowed to stay up watching videos online or playing video games until he falls asleep at 2 or 3am. DH has told me "he's just like his mother" and I have warned him that he'll have to be careful not to let his dislike for BM color his behavior toward his son. I'm going to have to give myself the same advice, because this child behaves in ways that I find to be so disrespectful. I try to remind myself that he is caught in the middle and his mother is trying to "win" at the parenting game, so she manipulates this child into being part of her games, but sometimes - like when he's screaming and calling DH a liar over something inconsequential or when he's crying and saying "you don't love me, Dad" when DH tells him he can't do something age inappropriate - all I want to do is tell him to knock it off and stop being a jerk. There has been more than one occasion where I have just walked away from the situation because I knew I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut if I stayed close enough to hear.

I have a 17 year old step

I have a 17 year old step daughter along with a BD11 and BD3. Nothing the SD does is ever corrected. She has called me a bitch, I have caught her getting fingered by a guy much older than her. Nothing matters. She has told people that I abuse her but when I video interviewed her, she admitted that I was not abusive but she likes the attention she gets when she tells folks that. Her BM (bio mother or bowel movement) all the same, walked out on her when she was baby. I have been the only mother she has. We have full custody of her. She is an manipulative, sociopath. She uses everyone to get what she wants. her father will not say anything at all to her but when the 11 year old does not do chores or gets an attitude, he wants me to punish her!! I am fed up and biding my time until my baby gets a little older and I want to leave. It won't get any better if he does not start seeing this shit soon. Trust me, i started in her life when she was 8. Over the years, it got worse and worse and now she is trying to make the younger siblings life hell. Do not have kids with this guy, and do some soul searching before you marry him!!!

Rethink this naive fantasy and move on to partner who will be a partner of quality for you and a parent of quality for your future children.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.