Blended Family affecting MY Parents

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I am going to be getting married in a few months and have been with my fiance for 2 years now. We have 6 kids combined, me 2 and he has 4. His oldest three with his first wife only come to stay with us every other weekend so my own family doesn't really know them. His youngest son with his second wife though, is with us 100% to 50% of the time depending on his crappy mother's mess of a life. My parents, sibling and grandmother have all become familiar with him and he even calls my mom and dad grandma and grandpa and my two kids his brother and sister. He is desperate for love and affection and when he gets it acts totally awkward and reverts to baby talk (he's almost NINE) so it makes people not want to pay attention to him....especially me. And don't think that he doesn't get CONSTANT positive attention because he DOES which is why this behavior is mind boggling. I read on here about disengaging but if I did that, my fiance would HATE me. He's really good with my kids so I really don't know what the hell my problem is. My ss totally remind me of his mother and my fiance's family doesn't even think he's his son so that probably has a bit to do with it. ANYWAY. My parents want to take my kids and myself to Disneyland this summer and I'm torn. I feel like I shouldn't leave my husband (will be) and my stepson at home and go on vacation to Disneyland when my SS has never been and my soon to be husband has always wanted to take him.....we would of course pay for ourselves but my mother doesn't want to "deal" with him since he's ADHD. She just wants to enjoy "her" kids....mostly because of the way that SS acts. This puts me in a very difficult place as my fiance and I have tried very hard to meld everyone together. THEN my mother tells me that she's just going to take my kids and not me. HA! Tough luck lady. So I'm not really sure how to deal with the Disneyland situation and I don't know what to do about my own relationship with this kid. He annoys me most of the time and I don't think I'd miss him if he never came over again...which is HORRIBLE. He acts stupid...like he's my BS's age (6)....and gets away with it because my fiance thinks it's fine and thinks he's cute. UGH.
STEPMOM PROBLEMS.

Allowing your kids to go with

Allowing your kids to go with grandma sounds like a great idea.

If you are a custodial SMOM

If you are a custodial SMOM you have two choices...let your kids go ALONE with grandma or YOU ALL go. Nothing else. Sorry, but I don't much have tolerance for women who have kids of their own, want their new husband to love them and be sweet to them, even support them and then can't deal with their husband's kids...If the kid is ADHD, it really isn't is fault. If he lives with you full time, I don't understand how you are not able to manage him. My kiddo is ADHD too and we can deal with him just fine.

I guess I remember going to

I guess I remember going to Disneyland when I was a kid and I can't imagine having to go with my grandparents and not my own parents.....and I had just as good of a relationship with my grandparents that my kids do with theirs. Also, I highly doubt my ex husband will want or even let them go without one of us so far away....so right there I suppose is the answer I was looking for. lol!

I never said I can't manage my ss. He is perfectly fine and off meds since he's been with us....but has very needy behavior that even his father can't deal with most of the time and is in counseling 3 times a week. I don't "expect" my fiance to dote over my children...in fact, they're just as annoying to him as his are to me...he's just been clear that he keeps his mouth shut more than I do. I guess it's more like I need to learn to be quiet more often...which is difficult for me. Bio and step kids are unfortunately very different creatures in a parent's mind....I so very much want to love my step kids the way I love my own but I'm having trouble with that.....I'm not understanding why I can't since they're all just kids and have done absolutely nothing wrong! Trust me, no need to be hard on me....I do enough of that myself. And don't get me wrong, my stepson hears that I love him often and I give him hugs goodnight every night, tuck him into bed, get him dressed, feed him, comb his hair, help him with his homework, play with him....I'm a VERY engaged stepmother and he would be shocked to learn that I struggle with him sometimes.....and perhaps that's where all the guilt and frusterating is coming from.

Of course you and your kids

Of course you and your kids can go with your parents. Are they supposed to include all 4 of his? No.

We wouldn't be taking his

We wouldn't be taking his oldesst three...just his youngest because he has a different mom that the others and the others have already been with their mother. And yes, I think that my parents should include my soon to be husband and my stepson since they're my family now. Maybe I'm not understanding why they shouldn't need to....am I living in lala land???

My grandma does this to me

My grandma does this to me and it infuriates me. My grandmother hates my SD( I don't blame her, I can't stand my SD either) and has made it very clear that she is not welcome around but then guilt trips me about not being able to see me. My grandparents live at a lake during the summer months and near the beach in Texas during the winter months and they invited my husband, son and I down to stay with them in Texas for a few weeks this winter. Well my SD lives with us. When I told her we couldn't come with bringing my SD she flat out said "Please for grandma, don't bring that little brat." When I asked her what she thought I should do she suggested I leave her here her mom. I'm sorry, I may not like this child but I'm not going to intentionally hurt her and leave her out of things just because my family doesn't like her. So we didn't go. I felt like it was an all or none thing because I wasn't going to leave anyone out intentionally. My grandparents are upset that we didn't come, but they'll get over it. They might not like the fact that this is my family but they have to respect the fact that this is my family, and that means having to see all of us or not getting to see any of us.

My mother took in my brothers

My mother took in my brothers SS with open arms when he was a baby. Now she is as much his grandmother as she is to her bio grandchildren. My SD, however, refused to be let into the family. It is her that chooses to be excluded, my mother has never excluded her.

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