im just so angery
Background...my BF and I have an 8 month old daughter....SD8 lives with his sister....SD8 is at our home every other weekend.....I have been in SD life since she was 3.
Ok so I have always gone above and beyond for the ungrateful lier( SD). So the week before Christmas when SD8 was at our home she coughed directly into my BD face! I'm talking inches away from get face! This happened the second I turned my back to wash some dishes. I am consistent about her covering her mouth, washing hands etc. She always has strep throat. It has always been this way. So of coarse I told her to cover her mouth. Also convinant that that is the first time she has forgot to do it in a while. She did it on purpose! Hateful! So then before her next visit his sister calls. Lier SD has been crying now she doesn't want to come over! Great cool whatever. Well so his sister brings SD8 over with a list full of lies about me! I am totally taken back. I had to sit there and be treated like I am the problem. Bull shit! It is not my fault that her crackhead BM doesn't want her and can't have her it is not my place to try and make up for it either. Telling me well she never got what you do for yours. So what I not supposed to be a good.mom when she is around. I have gone above and. Beyond for SD8. Where did it get me! Here in my own home surrounded by adults that know that SD8 is a lier and a theif yet they are allowing her to make me out to be the bad guy. It is not my fault that BF isn't more involved with her. That's all on him. He sorta said that none of.the things she wrote about me were true. But then after they left and I was hurt and angry he didn't want to deal with it and told me that I was being stupid, I need to be the adult......well I am not going to.be like.all the other adults in her life and just turn a blind eye to her lies and disrespect. I am totally over it. This is the.only thing we argue about. It was never an agruement until he didn't do anything about her lies. I don't want SD around my daughter at all. I am just so.hurt by his avoiding the situation and total denial of my feeling.
I agree...she was living with
I agree...she was living with him and his mother but she died and when she passed SD didn't want to live in the home anymore his sister wad the only option. I think is is people feeling sorry for her that has created the problem. She has had it hard but we are doing her no favors by making excuses for her bad behavior. Her problems will only escalate as she gets older. There was no distraction she seems to remember every other time when she is not near BD. So I am just supposed to be ok with her complete lack of manners cause she is a kid. Bull! I now only deal with her when it directly effects my daughter. Before her hateful letter we did all kinds of fun things. Just the two of us. We were very close. I did feel bad for her until she through me under the bus.
Didn't want to live in the
Didn't want to live in the home anymore??? Since when does a child get to decide this?? No wonder she behaves so poorly. The adults in the situation let her do what she wants and let a child make the call to not live somewhere. Doesn't say much for the parenting in the situation. She's going to be an entitled brat that thinks she is in charge if no one will give her limits and boundaries. The bad manners is a result of poor parenting as well.
Yes this is exactly right and
Yes this is exactly right and how I feel. This is why she has such an issue with the fact that I am consistent with my house rules.
absolutely... she has all the
absolutely... she has all the control with everyone but you and she is rebeling b/c you won't give in. You're doing right. You have every right to be angry. This situation sucks and your BF and his family did this and put you in a horrible position.
Find somewhere else to be on
Find somewhere else to be on their visits. Plan long days out with bd, and when you are home wear her in a sling so sd does t have access to her. Don't cook at home, eat while you are out and let Dh figure out how to take care of his kid.
As I have said in your other post. My SD is the exact same way. There was about a 3 month period when bs was born that she wasn't allowed anywhere near him because she would cough and sneeze inches from his face constantly. Just tell her and Dh that if she coughing AT ALL, that she need to stay away from bd because you don't want her sick. Trying to argue that it was intentional last time is a losing battle.... So just make the policy that sick people stay away from the baby period.
If you plan your weekends right, you should be able to manage being out of the house most if her weekend visits. Food shopping, cloths shoping, errands, visiting people ect ect.
I told BF that SD is to stay
I told BF that SD is to stay away from BD until she can prove that she is capable of covering her mouth everytime. He said whatever and rolled his eyes at me. I don't feel like I can count on him to back me up. It seems like he is willing to compromise the well being of my daughter to avoid parenting SD. How would you plan a weekend out with an 8 month old?
Personally, Id have no
Personally, Id have no trouble filling a day with just bioson and me. Find a handful of activities that you can do for an hour or two a piece.
Go to the park, take a gymboree class together, go walk around the mall and let her play in the kids area, meet a friend for lunch, take her to the zoo, find a mommy and me swim class, a playdate with another mommy friend, the children's museum, seasonally appropriate activities (go Apple picking, for a hayride, strawberry picking, find a children's farm to see baby chicks, the beach) go visit your parents for the afternoon, do the food shopping, read books at the library, go to a toy store and let her look at/play with the toys for a while.
Not sure what is available in your area, but with a little planning you could be out of the house from 9am till dinnertime. Then its bath, books and bed for Lo.
Or if you think that's too much, go out for a busy busy morning and only come home when Lo is tired and ready for a nap and she will be safely in her crib for a few hours while she naps. And then try to plan/encourage Dh to take SD out for an activity in the afternoon around the time bd would wake up.
Or if you are going to be
Or if you are going to be home, put bd in a sling. That was you can get your housework done, and not have to worry about bd being left unsupervised with sd. I used a Baby K'tan sling and loved it. I had my hands free to do whatever I had to do, and bs was right with me and I didn't have to worry about who was doing what to him in the other room.
Limiting access and limiting conflict is the ultimate goal. The more tools at your disposal to accomplish this the better. Esp since Dh isn't going to back you up on any direct confrontation with SD, so you need to avoid the conflict.
I was wondering why she
I was wondering why she doesnt reside with her dad as well. You cant pick and choose with kids lives. Im thinking maybe your sd doesnt reside with you because you dont want her there. I hope im wrong about that. She's a child and by the sounds of it has been abandoned by her mother and maybe feels like her dad and you dont want her around. Like I say I hope im wrong but thats totally the impression your giving off. If its right, I feel sorry for her. Lets hope he doesnt do to your child what he is doing to his daughter now.
I have always wanted SD
I have always wanted SD to.live with us. I feel it is the best most normal place for her. I wanted that years before my daughter was born. However his mother was the one granted custody when the court took her away from her mother. I even moved out of his mothers home so that it would be easier for him to get custody since we weren't married I have always wanted whatever was best for SD. I am a teacher I love kids. I love her because I love him. I am sick of being the scapegoat. I could be the best thing that ever happen to her if given a real chance.
That breaks my heart to read
That breaks my heart to read this.
She would be way better off living with you and her father where there would be consistant rules and boundaries. Poor kid doesn't stand a chance as it is.
You need to disengage
You need to disengage completely and not do anything for this child. You can not win here and will always be the bad guy. So don't give them any more ammunition against you. Honestly, I don't know if I could be with someone that isn't good to their kids. Sounds like your BF is an absent dad and leaves it all to you and that is not fair.
Keep an eye on your
Keep an eye on your baby....strep throat is contagious & dangerous when they're that young.
Sending hugs 2 u! I know you're not the problem. Just like none of us other gals on here are.
I already have Saturday
I already have Saturday planned as well as some things to do with DD outside of the house. I will most definitely use my sling. I do a lot already. So last time whenever sd would come into the room I would just go into another one with DD. However BF would roll his eyes at me and later told me that I was acting stupid for leaving the room when SD entered. I felt as if I was avoiding a confrontation. whatever she needs or came into the room for he needs to take care of. I just don't understand why he feels like I should just sit there when I can go into another room and continue playing or reading to DD. How can I defuse this with him. He doesn't seem to understand why I am avoiding SD.
Yes we are in the same boat.
Yes we are in the same boat. Ever since SD BM got out of prison BF sister has been letting SD go and stay with her. Unsupervised visits. BM has always hated me. Scream at me in court...well called me a bitch. She had already had SD taken from her and to make matters worse took SD to the bathroom with her to take BM drug test. Told SD that the judge will let you come home with me if you pee in this cup for mommy! She is an horrible human being. Yet SD is allowed to go stay with this loser! Now the SD problems are escalating a lot faster. I do feel that a lot of the hate is coming from BM. Also another reason I can't trust SD. She has always had issues bit BM brings out the very worst in SD. It is so sad. My main focus is of coarse my daughter. I am very concerned for DD safety. I just don't want my DD growing up around this trash.