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Being put in yet another bad situation with SD22

momof5_1969's picture

Submitted by momof5_1969 on Tue, 02/07/2012 - 1:13am

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Adult Stepchildren

My DH asks me tonight if SD22 can come over for SD17's birthday party, which will be this week. i haven't spoken to SD22 since June 2011 -- and if anyone reads any of my old posts you know why -- long story short -- she got preggers, moved out of the home, disowned us, now disowns me, invited everyone else in the house to her babyshower except me and my daughter (BD18), invites her dad and siblings (age 16, 18, 21) to hospital for the birth of grandson -- i was not invited -- in fact, DH asked if I could come, and she said no. He went anyways. We sent gifts to the babyshower. Gifts on Christmas. I've apologized to her -- when she should have been the one to apologize to me, and yet still nothing from her.

And now my DH wants me to be in the same room with her after NO response from her, even after i sent her yet another email saying i was sorry if I hurt her. NOTHING. Needless to say, I don't want her in my house. I don't want to be around her. She still doesn't want to be around me. She asked her sister if she could come to her birthday party -- knowing she is not welcome in our house.

i finally told my husband tonight -- 'you make up your mind and let me know what you decide and then I'll make my plans to be wherever' so that he can be with HIS family. Whatever. So tired of this crap.

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Tue, 02/07/2012 - 4:52am

Why didn't you just say "NO"??? Simple. NO. She cannot come here. Simple. It's one thing if he didn't ask you, but if he did, then you should have been honest and said NO. If he complained, then your response should have been "you asked, I answered. It is MY home as well. If you don't want someone who treats you badly in YOUR home, I should NOT have to put up with the same in MY home. Oh, and the answer is NO."

Sometimes as women we "let things go" and then complain. Stop doing that. Ask for what you want and when asked what you want, be honest and say it.

Good luck!

duct_tape's picture

Submitted by duct_tape on Tue, 02/07/2012 - 8:03am

Maybe you should say yes, under one condition. She sit's down with me and discusses her issues like a grown up. She comes to terms with her problems and we settle this. Otherwise, she can go act like a child somewhere else. If she steps foot in MY house without my permission, I'm not coming back, because it will no longer be my home.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Tue, 02/07/2012 - 8:35am

Hell no...If you can not respect me and apologize to me for what you have done, you are not welcome in my home. They can go somewhere else. I am surprised DH is even asking after what she has done...

SD15 is not allowed in my house until she does a huge mea culpa. Not going to happen.

momof5_1969's picture

Submitted by momof5_1969 on Tue, 02/07/2012 - 12:58pm

well, after a night of nightmares.....dreamed that he let her move back in again and I was forced to move out and was going to be homeless. i made the choice in my dream to be homeless rather than live with her. I didn't care that i was going to have to live in a shelter. of coure, it was a dream, but nonetheless, I had a dream before that ended up happening. He let her move back in the house because she had no place else to live. And now in real life she has a baby to manipulate daddy with. In my dream I told her she got pregnant on purpose and she gave me an evil smile. Basically I'm a wreck this morning because I'm exhausted from fighting in my dreams all night. Everyone was against me.

So what i ended up doing after i signed off was wrote my husband a letter. This was he can't say that he doesn't remember me saying it, or he forgot or some other bs. i told him that since he didn't come to the conclusion on his own like he should have. i reminded him that he had told her she was no longer allowed in the home back in October and i didn't think that she should be allowed back into the home and that I should be forced out of my home. I said they could go to her house to have their own "family" party, but that I should not be forced out of my home or not be allowed to come to SD17's party because of SD22's actions.

I said that it is because of her actions that this is all in place -- not me! I also said that if she wants to work on making amends towards me that i have made many steps but she has made none, and that they need to come from her -- NOT HIM, nOT SiblingS, etc. Until then, things stay as they are. She has not changed. The only thing that's changed is that she has given birth.

And yes, she and dear Daddy have been secretly texting, talking, visiting. He went to her house and didn't tell me about it until well after the fact and only after I asked him. I said what the heck because she's not the other woman, but i feel like he's acting like it. then he plays it down and says that it was only for 15 mins, and it was not very good, not much conversation, and stuff like "oh you know how she is" -- blah blah blah!! whatever.

So yes ladies --- i stood up for myself!! yeah! I am not the bad guy here (i know you all know this), but him comment last night was "well, maybe she'll behave herself since she's in our house.' i laughed and said 'because she's always been so well behaved in our house before." Right!!

Well, i gotta get showered and out of the house. thankfully my headache has disappeared! off to babysit for a girlfriend! Smile i do have others who love me!

momof5_1969's picture

Submitted by momof5_1969 on Wed, 02/08/2012 - 12:13am

Phew -- she's not coming here. He told me this am he agreed with my letter and she would not be coming here. She instead is going to take SD17 out for a milkshake to Red Robins -- just the two of them. That's perfect --- and I'm happy with that choice. Then we'll do our own family celebration -- with out SD22, and it will be pleasant and nice. I'm relieved. I'm going to go get some sleep now -- today was a rough day!! You all are awesome!

momof5_1969's picture

Submitted by momof5_1969 on Sat, 02/11/2012 - 12:36am

Yes I was very glad that he agreed with me on it and stuck by the decision. Funny thing -- SD22 never came and got her sister on her birthday like she said she would -- disappointed SD17 -- didn't take her to RedRobin or anything. Nice.

So the next day, I took SD17 to get her ear pierced and took her and her friend and my bio daughter all to Red Robin and we got milkshakes and appetizers and we had a great time! Take that SD22!! I did drop SD17 off at SD22's after we were done and she got a ride back with her brother, but I mentally looked at it like she is someone I don't have to have a relationship with, but the kids like her and i don't have to or have a relationship with her. It was funny -- it was a complete disconnect when i stopped by her house and dropped SD17 off. I felt nothing! it was nice!

Although today, SS18 was a jerk to me over some junk mail of SD22's, which means that SD22 was ripping on me while SS18 was there -- so whatever! Change your address SD22 and I'll quit throwing your stupid junk mail away! It's junk mail for crying out loud! Oh well, I was feeling "sore" about it tonight about how SS18 treated me, but if he wants to do that -- whatever.

sandye21's picture

Submitted by sandye21 on Sat, 02/11/2012 - 12:01pm

Next time any of her mail comes to your house write, "No longer at this address, please forward" - even for junk mail. If she is 22 years old she is old enough to take responsibility for a change of address. You do not owe her the respect of being a postal center for her. We PAY to have the service done for us.

momof5_1969's picture

Submitted by momof5_1969 on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 3:00pm

My SS18 said she already did and even showed him the form -- plus I don't know her new address -- I've put on some things, no longer at this address, return to sender -- on things that were junk mail. But junk mail keeps coming to our house anyways. So because SS18 made such a big deal i've saved even her stupid junk mail now ---