EXTREME jealousy issue- please help!!
My daughter is 6, SD is almost 8. I am the sole bread winner in my home and had to choose a SMALL apartment with only two bedrooms, the only thing that I can afford. That means that two of my bio children have to share a TINY room and my other bio children share the other room. Mine and dhs bedroom is in a small little connection of the house that really isn't a bedroom, but has to work as one for us.
That means that SD doesn't have her own room. My bio kids don't have their OWN room here either. SD is only here two days a month. Her other family packs her clothes to wear here and she brings toys from her main house. She has no toys here.
The thing is? She is VERY jealous of my 6 year old. My DH seems to think that my bio daughter's toys and special items should be fair game to SD. I do not want SD in my daughter's special things. When my SD brings special toys from her home.. DH guards them for dear life so that my bio daughter can't break them. But, he thinks it's fair game for SD to break all of my daughter's nice thing. Because of the jealousy, SD wants to demolish EVERYTHING my daughter owns. She gets into my daughter's shoes and wears them, she gets into my daughter's closet and puts on her clothes. She has even taken scissors to my daughter's clothes just to be evil! She went into my daugher's area of the bedroom and took a pair of scissors and cut off the sleeves of like 6 of my daugher's school clothing!
She grabs my daughter's shoes and DH thinks that is totally fine. When my daughter so much as touches SD things she brings, DH acts like a dog with a piece of meat, he grabs it from my daughter and runs and hides it. Like SD's things are so much more precious and valuable than my daughter's things.
I feel as if my daughter's things are hers. She shouldn't have to share her clothing and shoes! She should have to share CERTAIN toys, but my daughter has a right to have as many "special, off limit" things as SHE pleases. That means those special things are things that SD doesn't touch unless my daughter wants to share.
It's not like SD doesn't have access to toys here, it's just that she wants ANYTHING that is special to my daughter and that makes me so flippin angry!!
Thoughts?
Maybe she feels like a
Maybe she feels like a visitor? This could be the reason behind her jealousy and insecurity. She might be jealous that your DD gets to see DH every day, while she does not. She might feel like DH has replaced her with you and your bios, because he sees you every day. I think DH needs to lovingly but firmly talk about these things with her and tell her that she is entitled to her feelings, nobody is replacing her, she is his daughter and he will always love her, and to talk with him or any other trusted adult about them, but she's not allowed to treat people like garbage. He also needs to explain to her how he can love you and her equally but very differently.
Your problem isn't SD. Yes, she's misbehaving. But her misbehavior is a symptom of a greater problem-your DH's attitude and his lack of action to solve these issues. He can straighten this issue out by sitting down with SD and having that discussion. He should talk to BM about getting SD counseling. He needs to realize that (regarding toys, anyway) the rules need to apply equally to BOTH girls. Maybe you could suggest he purchase some toys for SD that you know she likes.
Maybe you need to enlist a counselor of your own to help him see this. Sometimes people respond better when they hear advice from an outsider.
Oh my bf and I broke up once
Oh my bf and I broke up once over an issue like this. These dads have a hard time seeing anyone else's view if it isn't their own child. They are all about making sure that their kid gets what she wants, but if the shoe is on the other foot...forget it. DH needs a reality check. You are putting a roof over HIS head, not to mention his daughter's...he needs to suck it up, bow down to you, and do whatever it is you need him to do, which in this case is support you, and see what is going on. Likely, your SD is jealous simply because your child(ren) get her father all the time and she does not. It probably has nothing to do with THINGS but it has ended up showing that way. She could use a counselor. With Dad.
Why isn't your husband
Why isn't your husband working?
I'm an adult wondering how SD fits into this family. I have no doubt an 8 year old feels like an outsider.
That's no excuse for what she has done. Dad has to correct her and increase the household income.
Yes, four children in two
Yes, four children in two bedrooms. Two in one of the bedrooms, two in the other. DH is a low life who doesn't work, gets disability, but doesn't help with rent. Totally messed up. Three of my children are from my ex husband. My first 3 children do not even begin to adore DH, so it isn't like he treats my bio kids better than SD.
When I lived in a bigger home, I had SD her own room and that wasn't enough either. Just like one poster posted, SD wanted to take over my daughter's room (even tho she had her own) She wanted everything my daughter owned (even if she owned the same thing)
I can't afford to give SD everything my daughter has. SD has a room at her main house that is GLORIOUS, all to her self, Xbox with connect, Nintendo DS, doll house that is 4 foot tall, my daughter has very few things. It just sux when she ruins my daughter's stuff.
I agree with you. My daughter
I agree with you.
My daughter shares her whole life including her room and just
about everything she owns with her two stepsisters.
I believe that children (all) don't have to share everything.
Some things are personal and some things are just off limits..
Damn I would not want to share my whole life either!