"If you want to talk about this like an adult, you can email me.." That tells it all, doesn't it? Her diatribe sounds as if it were coming from a 5 year old. And considering the "SUMMA CUM LAUDE HONORS", this STILL sounds like a 5 year old. For such an education her writing abilities are STILL that of a small child. But I want to thank you for allowing me to take a glimpse into the mind of an entitled, spoiled, narcissistic SD - like mine. It only shows me that there is little hope of ever having (or wanting) a relationship with SD. Good for you that your DH supports you and will not leave you at home to accommodate SD.

There is no chance this email is even remotely appropriate to send to your dad. The daughter is acting like a jealous manipulative mother scolding her wayward son and laying down the law about how things are going to be around here if he continues on with that purplehaze.

Daughter feels like she is being displaced and replaced in her father’s life and rather than addressing that issue she tossed out a bunch of red herrings, such as the state of your house, your smoking, etc. all things that are none of her business, likely huge exaggerations but more importantly have nothing to do with anything under discussion which is her fear and jealousy. BM absolutely has a hand in it.

The fact is your upcoming marriage IS going to change their relationship with their father and rightfully so. Just as their marriages will change their father’s relationship to them. That is what life is all about. Successful families are able to navigate those changes that are continuous throughout life without resorting to freeze outs.

Her sending the email was the wrong way to go about it and her coming from on high like she did is condescending and insulting. Your husband can acknowledge that daughter has legitimate concerns for time alone with him, to discuss their feelings and work out past grievances but their alone time won’t be used as an opportunity to shred you and do everything in her power to destroy your relationship. And, she is his daughter, not his superior and she doesn’t get a vote in who he marries.

She is an adult, living on her own and she can learn to get along with you and vice versa or not. But it has to be a two way street of respectful communication, not the emotional blackmail she used.

It amazes me that "adult" children today feel they ahve this right to do this sort of thing! My SS did practically the same BS. How are you and your husband handling this? What was his response, anything? SS cut us off basically which in a big sense is a relief....now we don't have to deal with his cocky mouth, his lies and all his anger and hard feelings. There is a lot of growing up to do on the part of these very disrespectful young adults. I do hope they get everything they have dished out, in return 4 fold!

OK, I know this won't be popular, but I think your DH's daughter writing him a letter is a GOOD THING!

It was crude, and full of "self pity" but she is inviting him to dialogue with him! She is making an attempt to work things out.

I have mentioned several times that I worked in Psychological Clinics, and the act of writing a letter to a parent was often suggested. It is ONE WAY to open up a dialogue between the child and the parent.

You and your DH may not agree with what she has said, nor how she has said it, but it could be beneficial for your DH to at least attempt to talk things out with her.

I would highly suggest your DH and his daughter do this alone with a THIRD PARTY - like a counselor or pastor, etc.

I WISH my DH's kids had done something like this, instead of being sneaky, two-faced and manipulative behind our backs. If they had at least been upfront and honest years ago, before their anger and resentment had built up so much there is little chance now of them getting rid of it.

I suggest your DH CAREFULLY write back to his daughter, and tell her he got her letter, and he has read it over carefully. IF he has called her names, he can apologize for doing that - even if she is all of those things. His apologizing is a concession he can make to try and make peace.

She began by writing her father, so she feels safest doing her communication this way, so it would be helpful if the father can return his answer via written form. Hopefully, in the future, they can meet face-to-face, with a third party.

There is a "formula" for writing a letter to his daughter. It is called "sandwiching".

Begin the letter with a lot of "I love you", "You are a special person to me", "I care about you a lot" etc....

Next get into the concerns. DO NOT NIT PICK about every issue. Just say that as a father it can be difficult to understand his daughers point-of-view sometimes. He is willing to try and work things out, but it will help if BOTH SIDES can try and see the position of the other.

End the letter with a lot of "I love you", and "I want for us to have a good relationship", etc.....

The negative news is "sandwiched" between the positive things.

If your DH does have childhood issues that are coming into play in how he relates to his daughter, it is important that he take responsibility for that. Not deny or avoid dealing with those issues on his own.

I hope this information has helped. I may not, but it is worth a try.

Good luck.

Here's a message I got, out of the blue, which was copied to my DH and SD20, from the SD31: Keep in mind the actual facts: I sent one (1) note to SD20 with a money order that read "I wish it was more, but they take $77 out of his check every week, love you." I am the one who urges him to send what she needs, and when I am made aware of it, I send it, no problem. We also live in another state; as far as her concern with our 2 vacations a year (hahaha), we went to Vegas last summer, my DH's friend paid for it, and it is the first vacation I had in 20 years! Our 2nd vacation is coming up; paid $180 for a condo in Myrtle Beach - great deal!!...Here goes:

Ok, yesterday I asked if my dad made any money down there. Not because I expect him to send it all to SD20 but because when she needs something it seems to be a battle. I am not saying he has to pay for everything in full but sometimes your children need help. They look to their parents for that help. Now I feel it all falls on my mothers shoulders and that is not right. The $77 ME keeps sending reminder notes about it back pay. That means my mom has already dished out more than enough money to support SD20 over the years. That $77 dollars does not go in SD20's hands it is child support not child income! My mom uses that to help with medical bills which with SD20's back surgeon the weekly co pay was $100-$200 a week. Also my mom buys her clothes, food, pays her insurance when she needs help, she gives her a home to live in. My mom did all this without getting any money for a long time. You say she got your taxes one year never happened!! You should look into that! My point here is when my sister asks for money it is because she really needs it. She does not need to be reminded that my mom gets money from my dad...like that should be what pays for her insurance. My dad has children. He never had to pay for me is does have to pay for SD20. A child costs more than $77 dollars a week to support. Itnis not like SD20 is sitting on her ass doing nothing with her life. She works her butt off. She goes to school full time and she works full time. She even works through severe pain....because of being on her feel all day is not good for her back. So if she needs some help here and there that's because she deserves it! My mom does a lot...my dad can share the burden. For many years my mom floated this whole family...she supported my dad for years when there was no money coming in the house. So now you both are going to start throwing a $77 dollars a week payment in SD20's face?! I am pissed!!!!! You both go on 2 vacations a year. My mom has not been on one vacation!!! I will tell you this ME it is hard to appreciate something and say think you when everytime SD20 asked for help she is met with excuses....or when help does come it is sent with notes or reminders that she should be getting this money from my mom. I don't know if my dad has made you write those or not but since you are the one writing them it comes off on you. If my husband told me to remind his daughter that he sends money I would say no you remind her. This is between you, SD20 and BM!! Instead of fighting about the child support just pay it! And please know my mom is not living it up on the $77 you send her! It goes to ashley one way or the other. My mom just gave her $1700.00 to fix her car. Plus the many many many other things she helps SD20 with! So stop the reminders!! We know what you send and we know that my dad did not pay for many years even before the divorce. We don't need reminders we lived it....we know!!!! If things would have been paid when they should have been he would be done paying right now. This is back pay again meaning it already came out of my moms pocket think of this $77 a week as my dad paying back some I.o.u. Because my mom fronted the bill!! Maybe when all the bullshit stops you both will receive a thank you! I also have to we kinda do look at it like my dad owes us a bit. You don't know or understand our past and until you do I do not believe the comments are nessasary. It is not just about the money comments there is a lot of other shit. I do not just blame ME here dad you act cocky about the money also and I am sure you are behind ME writing stuff to SD20...maybe not everytime but I am sure it started with you somehow. Dad I know you told SD20 that if mom does not settle you will stop paying mom....that's one big reason I asked if you had money. $77 dollars is nothing and you can't send that?! If I were you I would send hand over your taxes every year until the debt is payed off. You only owe like $7000.00-$10,000.00. Call the court and ask what you owe. ME your family gets more of my dad than we do!! We are his blood! While I thankful he is a good grandpa and a good step dad to your family he can't not forget about his family in Michigan. Dad, We are sick of everytime you guys visit it has to be on a day when there is something else going on. Kill 2 birds with one stone right?! You do not come up unless there is a party or a reunion going on. So is the trip about family or a party? Please tell us we want to know! I do not blame cec when it comes to this at all!! I get upset about the money when it comes to ME. ME should relize the child support situation is not so cut and dry. Oh, another thing my mom wrote off 4 years of child support for my dad that he did not have to pay. Anyway at this point I am rambling....I had to get that out!

What do ya think?

Repulsive? I couldnt have said it better. One of my SD's, who is 25, has her own place, job, car, and life, told her Father that the thing that upset her most about him being with me was that he was using and I quote "our" resources, such as money, car fuel etc on me!" Even though SD is an adult and left the nest before her parents split, she still thinks that whatever money her Father earns and anything he buys with it is as much hers as it is his, and she resents the hell out of him for sharing it with his wife instead of her, her two adult syblings, AND their BM (who works full time herself). She didnt even have the tact to hide that little gem, just came straight out and said it!!!!