Miss "Princess" strikes again!
SO the graduation is finally over and my fiance told me afterwards that things would be different, that he wouldnt let his daughter come into this house and disrespect us by not talking to. Well, she finally showed her face here yesterday unannounced, came in and stayed approx. 2 hrs. and never spoke a word to me, nor did I either. I patiently waited for my fiance to say something and enforce some boundaries. But he did nothing. He claims that its "ok" for her to come over here and not speak to me because by doing that she is not causing any drama. We had a huge fight about this after she left, I told him he basically lied to me, and that nothing has changed and probably wont. He said he doenst know how to handle this because she is an adult. And I kinda agree with that. I said no matter what happens, im the one who always comes out lookin like the terrible, selfish person. WHat she pulled concerning her graduation was the worst act of control over her father that Ive ever seen. She really outdid herelf on that one, telling him not to bring me, actually giving her father alot of grief over it and hanging up in his face numerous times. I just dont know what to do.
Purplehaze, read my recent
Purplehaze, read my recent post. I can relate. Under no circumstances should his princess be allowed in your home and not speak to you. It's blatant disrespect . .period. My SD tried the same BS and I put my foot up DH's behind and it's no longer an issue. You don't have to like me, but you're going to respect me.
I recall your post about her graduation. You decided to go and you were sorry. While that's water under the bridge now, it's time to get this relationship on the right track. First off, no one and I mean no one should come to your house unannounced (unless it's an emergency). It shows a complete lack of consideration. And SD did it as a power play. Your fiance needs to set SD straight. Why is he allowing this? Next time she does it, leave her behind standing at the door.
My SD(27) has gotten off lucky. If she felt my wrath, the girl would be crying . . trust me. I truly think she's afraid of me. . which is wonderful.
I didn't want to move in w/DH and SD but DH wanted us to bond. If you read my posts, you'll see it never happened. Most of our arguments have centered around SD. Fortunately in your case she doesn't live with you, but your fiance is giving her top dog status.
Your real problem here (like me) is not SD but DH's lack of action regarding her behavior. He needs to step up and be the father he needs to be, set her straight, and demand that she give both of you the respect you deserve. If he doesn't, expect more of the same. You just have to decide how you're going to deal with it.
You know what is great here?
You know what is great here? She's grown, so now she's not living there and she IS A GUEST (EDIT) in YOUR house that you share with your DH. So now, when she invites herself over, you can say Oh hey if you want to come over you need to call first.
Tell your DH that if he wants to see princess then he can make plans outside the house with her until she wants to come over and treat you like you own your home.
Easier said than done, but I guess if you are fighting with DH anyway, might as well go all out.
Answer the door next time she
Answer the door next time she shows up unannounced half dressed and tell her with a wink that now is not a good time and that next time she should call first so that she does not waste her time driving over fro nothing. Then close the door. Do not let her cross your threshold.
One can only hope the little
One can only hope the little b*tch gets her over-inflated ego knocked down a notch or two when she enters the workforce and sees there are bigger, meaner, nastier people than her that can cause her immense pain to a much greater degree.
Clearly she revels in the hurt she causes you. Time to fight fire with fire with this one.
I hope she gets a hard swift case of monilia. B*tch.
So your fiance told you
So your fiance told you things would be different. Well, that seems to be a common theme that we've all heard before. The Bioparent always says things will different and maybe they THINK they actually mean it, but when it comes time to enforce rules they always fall short. The bottom line is, he's more afriad of alienating his daughter than he is of alienating you. I've had the same exact experience as you. SD begs to move back in...bio mom PROMISES up and down that things will be different. Of course things never are different.
The truth of the matter is that although the SD is trying your nerves, it's not her fault at all, its her dad's fault. He is the one who has allowed all of this to happen. If he had put his foot down HARD when she first started acting out and made it clear how things were going to be, none of this would be happening.
You are so right!!!And they
You are so right!!!And they dont see it , like just this past week was my dh bd and we went to his moms for lunch she was asked to go also, she was there when we got there but could not stay could not sit down at same table with me just could not do it told her gmother by and her dad by sorry tought I could do it but cant, this hurt her dad he walked out to talk to her beg her to stay, what she wanted and I walked thinking she had left he jumped my but about you cant let me talk to my dd for one min, she was loving it and it was no for the rest of the afternoon, she got just what she wanted.
On the pro side, it sounds
On the pro side, it sounds like he gets kudos for taking you to the graduation in spite of his daughter's wishes. Good for him!
As far as her coming over, I am in a very similar situation and have come to the conclusion that it is not going to change - we have very different philosophies on what kind of boundaries adult children should have - so I am choosing to suck it up for now. But you should be very clear that if he can't take action now, he probably won't do it later. Be thankful you are only engaged and not married and you still have time to make the choice of whether this is the life you want to live.
Im there also my sd just
Im there also my sd just graduated and I was told I could not come it was her nite and it would make her mad if i went, I could go but could not sit with him , and he was taking her out to eat later, I was also told know one on the xs side was going because she also did not like her mom, but they where all there it hurt me so bad, so always finds a way to divided us, and he lets it happen and it makes her so happy, like the day she came to our house she has been moved out 3 months now, she came by to give her dad paper work from her last wreck 2 one in 2 months, I walked away, and she drove off we have a understanding she is not to come to this house I do not go to the rest where she works, well she turned back around and came back and let me know she can come here any time she like I asked him about the agreement she started in on me DH told ME to go in the house!!!! I was so pissed still pissed, I fill so degraded.